The day has come for all you football fans out there.  It’s the culmination of a full season of cussing at the TV, yelling at the refs who clearly got it wrong, and cursing Bill Belichick because he can’t be bothered to wear a sweatshirt the way it was intended…with sleeves.

That last part may just be me, but seriously with that guy?  Would it kill him to not look like a slob for ONE game?  But then again, when he’s regularly on camera with such a beautiful specimen as Tom Brady, he is always going to look like a slob in comparison.  He probably figures he should not even try and just be comfortable.

Okay guys, stop googling images of a topless Tom Brady and focus on this amazing blog post.  Do I need to keep you here with eye candy?  I’m not above it.  <———There. Happy now?

Let’s get back on track, people!  After a season of hard work, two football teams will face off today in the Super Bowl.  It’s the biggest game of the year for those two teams.  It’s the….well….it’s the Super Bowl of…..well…Super Bowls.

Today is Super Bowl Sunday.  Even if you don’t care about football, today is the one day of the year where you pretend to care just so you attend a Super Bowl party.

Every year, I can’t help but laugh at the whole notion of Super Bowl parties.  On any given Sunday during football season, you can find a football lover laying on the couch watching the games, dozing in and out of consciousness.  Sunday football viewing is basically a full day of intermittent napping and football fans can’t be bothered to do anything with others as long as there are games on.

During the season, Sundays transform into a day of solitude for football lovers.

MANHATTANDon’t even think of talking to them during the game, as viewing the sport takes significant concentration.  In my experience, I find such concentration is most often achieved with closed eyes and snoring.

However, once we get to the biggest game of the year, all of a sudden everyone wants to celebrate with a party.  I truly believe the reason these parties happen is because football lovers know if they didn’t have people over, they would sleep through the big game too.  They need parties to keep them awake for the full event.

Fortunately, I’m a giving and caring person who wants to make dreams come true, so I’m happy to attend Super Bowl parties.  However, I take them quite seriously.  If I’m going to go, I want to make sure I’m prepared ahead of time.  I need to engage in a serious fact-gathering expedition before I make my final decision regarding what to root for.

This investigation usually starts days in advance.  I begin researching information about which teams and cities are in the final game and what colors they wear.  (I need to plan my outfit.)

But most importantly, I want to know the spread for the game.  Will there be nachos and dip, or chili and sandwiches?  Cookies and ice cream, or brownies and pies?

Wait…you didn’t think when I said I wanted to prepare myself for the big day that I was talking about educating myself on the teams, did you?  I simply need to know which city each team comes from to know if I will be walking into a theme-based party with food indicative of the teams.  (Clam chowder for New England or crab cakes for Seattle.)  And when I said I needed to plan my outfit, I meant I needed to locate pants with elastic.

You didn’t think when I referred to “the spread” that I was actually referring to gambling on the game, did you?  Do you read this blog at all?!  The only gambling I will be doing today is eating buffalo chicken dip without the benefit of a gallbladder.

I suspect the loser will be my friends’ bathroom.  (FYI…you know who you are and I would recommend stocking up on air freshener.)

To me, Super Bowl Sunday is an excuse to get together with friends and stuff my face with as many foods as possible.  It’s one of the biggest eating days of the year and I need to prepare myself, both mentally and physically.  I suggest you do the same.

As for the winners of this year’s Super Bowl, it’s too early to tell.  But I’ve got my money on the buffalo chicken dip.

Shopping as a teen v as an adultI’ve been shopping for a lot of years, although all that practice still doesn’t make me good at it.  Despite my best efforts, I’m not overly interested in shopping.

I suspect it’s because I like to hoard my money and then splurge on extravagent things like a day at the spa…or underwear without holes in them.

Despite my inability to properly shop, I’ve come to a few realizations when it comes to spending money.  There are definitely differences between how you shop as a teenager and how you shop as an adult.

I guess I never realized it until recently when a friend was telling me about her teen’s purchases at the mall, half of which she made her daughter return because collectively, with all those outfits, there was enough material to make only a stocking cap.  True story.

So I got to thinking about the differences between shopping as a teen and shopping as an adult, and I think you’ll agree that I’m right on this.  But then again, aren’t I always?

Teen:  You buy your clothes at prestigious boutiques

Adult: You buy your clothes at the same place you buy your milk

Teen: You purchase accessories for each outfit

Adult: You figure your wedding ring is accessory enough

Teen:  You take friends with you to shop

Adult: You browse while your kids are in the restroom

Teen:  You won’t buy something another woman already owns because you don’t want to copy her

Adult:  You don’t remember what clothes anyone owns and don’t care if you copy

Teen:  You hope your boyfriend notices your new outfit

Adult:  You hope your husband doesn’t notice your new outfit

Teen:  You buy your make-up at the fancy make-up counter

Adult:  You guy your make-up at the drugstore, which has a counter at the checkout

Overall, I’m glad to be shopping as an adult, mostly because the biggest difference between shopping as an adult and shopping as a teen is that when you’re an adult, you actually have money!

Happy shopping.  Feel free to buy me something nice.

Why Kelly KapowskiAnyone who was a child of the 80s (or 90s) will remember the super-cheesy  Saturday morning show, Saved by the Bell.  Anyone who has a child of the 80s (or 90s) will remember it too, as it was most likely a guilty pleasure.

Don’t fight it.  Embrace it.

One of the main characters was Kelly Kapowski, a high school “it” girl with mall bangs and a cheery disposition.  Although the mall bangs were sweet, her chipper personality could have been the result of daily inadvertent inhalation of Aqua Net.

Recently, I got to thinking about this show, probably because I enjoy  late-night eating and WGN reruns.  No matter the cause, I realized that despite Kelly’s popular status, I never would have been friends with her in high school because she would have been the worst friend ever.

I know, it’s devastating to me too.  But the logic doesn’t lie (and according to Shakira, neither do the hips).

1.  She wore sweatshirts with the neck cut out. 

kelly kapowski cut offAnyone who knows me (or has sat next to me while I curse the Patriots football team when that jackass coach wears his cut-up sweatshirts), knows I find cut-up sweatshirts intolerable.

Do you know what you could wear that you wouldn’t have to cut up?  A t-shirt.  Yeah, you can buy them pre-cut, and they’re cheaper too.

Such.  A.  Douche.

2.  She was a cheerleader 

I'm sure they're sad because this is when they realized they aren't as good as pommers.

I’m sure they’re sad because this is when they realized they aren’t as good as pommers.

There’s nothing wrong with cheerleaders, but I was a pommer so we couldn’t have been friends.  It just wasn’t in the cards.

Cheerleader versus pommer is the classic battle of good versus evil.It’s the high school equivalent of the Montagues versus the Capulets, only without all the killing and suicide.

No doubt about it, the pommers were far superior, just based upon uniforms alone. Throw in literary knowledge and the ability to dance themselves out of a knife fight, and it’s a no-brainer.

The pommers win everytime. (Yeah, like the cheerleaders would be able to dance their way out of a street brawl in West Side Story.  I don’t think so.)

Pommers were the respected girls, and although we knew how to shake it, we did it in a classy way;  we wore tights.

We weren’t like those heathen cheerleaders who throw each other up in the air with nothing but a small piece of cotton separating their lady parts from the fans in the stand.  No.

Pommers kept our business locked up (at least until after the game).

3.  She wore mom jeans.

kelly kapowski mom jeansDon’t get me wrong, my mom rocks, and looks better in jeans than I do.

But when in high school, a girl shouldn’t wear her jeans so high that sitting down quickly might actually take her virginity.

I’m sure that’s what Kelly told her guidance counselor was the cause, but we all know the dirty deed went down in the bathroom of a Wendy’s.

She celebrated with a Frosty. Who wouldn’t?

My friends were far more stylish than mom jeans, and so was I.  Being seen with someone in mom jeans and a cut off sweatshirt would be social suicide.

For further confirmation of my high school awesomeness, please see #2  and the photo above.

4.  She thought The Max was cool. 

kelly kapowski waitressKelly worked there as a waitress, or at least she did when the “plot” needed her to.  I use the term “plot” quite loosely here.

There are many reasons I wouldn’t go to The Max, the least of which is because it looks like the set of Double Dare and although I loved that show, somehow I can’t separate the image of that giant nose away from the Max’s burger menu.

Plus, the owner, “Max” (if that’s his real name), was super creepy with his magic tricks and Lyle Lovett hairstyle.

For this reason, I wouldn’t go visit her at work, which would certainly be a sticking point for our friendship.

5.  It would be hard to support her volleyball habit. 

Kelly Kapowski volleyball

Even her volleyball shorts are mom-shorts.

In keeping with the theme of being an unsupportive friend, I wouldn’t support her volleyball habit either, and I doubt anyone else would.

Kelly played on the school volleyball team, although I’m not sure when she had the time between cheerleading, waitressing, being an older sister to 18 kids, and spending time doing her bangs.

Seriously, that hairdo must take at least an hour and a full can of hairspray to accomplish.

It’s not that I don’t like volleyball.  Quite the contrary.

Men’s sand volleyball is one of my favorite Olympic sports, next to pole vaulting and mocking the parents of gymnasts.  I just don’t know what to do at a volleyball game to support the players.  I’m not sure if I should yell “Yeah, you spike that ball!” or “Bump it!  BUMP IT!”  Actually, I just answered my own question.

I would totally yell “bump it.”

6.  She wasn’t good enough to be Zach’s girlfriend.

I look way cuter with him than she ever did, and I know the importance of safe teenage behavior—I wear a helmet.  As is evidenced below, you pervs.

 

Dear Chin Hair,Dear Chin Hair,

Where the hell did you come from?  I certainly didn’t invite you, nor did I tell you to take up residence on my chin.

Granted, I’ve noticed you other random places, but figured you were a one-time visitor and wouldn’t return because the accommodations are poor and the Yelp! reviews are less than glowing.

But now you’ve decided to visit my face?  Not cool.  Not cool at all.

At first I thought it was a mistake; a result of poor lighting in my Volkswagen, Dieter.  I noticed you in the rearview mirror and suspected you were just a scratch on the mirror.  But no.  If only…

I’ve only recently tried to evict you, but you’ve proven a formidable opponent.  You’re strong and stubborn and coarse and much firmer than I would have expected.

Forgive me for being so stern. I realize you’d like a nice place to call home, but that home can’t be my chin.  It just can’t.

Yes. I realize you’re threatening to migrate other places if I evict you, but I won’t be bullied.  You won’t be allowed to stay.  Not at all.  “Not by the hair on my chinny chin chin.”

And yes, I see both the humor and the irony in that statement.

You have to go because no matter what, you’re going to set up shop somewhere else on my face.  You’re quite popular and your friends will want to party at your place…which will be on my face. They’ll leave some of their friends behind who will join you at your permanent residence and will continue to be the obnoxious neighbor who pops up at inopportune times…like at a client dinner.

Not on my watch. Or as it stands, not on my chin.

Where did you even come from? You’re a stealthy one. Sneaking up on me one day only to discover you’d already moved in and furnished the place is not the most pleasant way to introduce yourself.

Perhaps moving in gradually would have helped our relationship.  Of course, had you slowly moved in I probably would have caught you sooner and evicted you, so perhaps this strategy was best for you.

Either way, I need you to go. I don’t care where you go but you can’t stay here…or anywhere on my face or neck. I’ve got enough of your friends to deal with there.

So goodbye chin hair. I won’t miss you and I’m not sorry to see you go. Please go bother some other woman; preferably a cute one in her early 20s.

Love Lisa

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I’m on the web other places this week

I Love My Hairy Children

I Broke Up With My Best Friend (And Maybe You Should Too)

90sAs many of you know, the unauthorized “Saved By The Bell” behind-the-scenes movie premiered on tvt.  You know it’s a totally accurate and legit movie because it premiered on Lifetime; the most well-respected of all networks.  After all, it’s television for women. You can’t go wrong with a network like that, right?

I cut my ties with cable a few months ago so I haven’t yet seen what promises to be an epic disappointment, but I can only imagine how delightfully horrible this movie really is.

The term “movie” is used loosely here, as I’m familiar with Lifetime’s other “works” including such titles as “I’m Sick Of Being Beaten Up” and “Raped At 16.”

Okay, I don’t know if those are actually the names of movies they aired but I suspect they are.

Since this movie is airing some of  “Saved By The Bell’s” potentially true secrets, I think other shows from the 90s should follow suit.  I’m sure Lifetime agrees with me there.

So in the spirit of pushing production along, I’ve come up with some shows from the 90s that need to be made into exposes.  Here’s a few along with the title of the movie.

“Who’s The Boss?”

What was really behind that epic battle…and who won.

“The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air”

He was neither fresh nor a prince.

“Blossom”

What the hell was up with that hat?

“Alf”

Lovable puppet or cat serial killer?

“Full House”

How 3 dudes lived in a house with 3 kids and never got reported to Child Services

“The Nanny”

Earplugs: The key to survival on set

“The Drew Carey Show”

Apparently Cleveland rocks

“Friends”

…with benefits

“Hey Dude”

Denim’s most embarrassing decade

“Lambchop’s Play Along”

Anyone up for a gyro?

“Baywatch”

They didn’t wear pants when they were offscreen either

Okay, did I get them all?  Which ones did I forget? Let me know.

And if any of you have cable, please DVR the “Saved By The Bell”  movie. I’ll need to watch and I can’t do it at my house.

I’ll bring the beer.

How wineries are just like strip clubsMost adults have spent at least one day and/or night of their lives experiencing the debauchery of too much alcohol and too may scantily clad women dancing to bad music.  Oh, and they’ve also been to a strip club too.

Wineries and strip clubs are a lot more similar than we’d care to admit, and not just because both typically result in a marital argument and someone sleeping/passing out on the couch.

Since it’s the season for wineries, and it’s always the season for strip clubs, I thought it would be a perfect time to point out the ways wineries are exactly like strip clubs.  Exactly.

1. Everyone ends up dancing to hair bands from the 80s

From Def Leppard’s “Pour Some Sugar On Me” to Erasure’s “Respect,” you’ll rock out to jams from the best decade ever.

2. Bad decisions are made at both places.

One involves an entire block of cheese and the other involves blocking out the memory of that one less-than-attractive dancer.

Reason #3 for why wineries are like (1)3. Someone ends up showing their ass…or boobs…or both.

This is not specific just to women. People at both places tend to be equal opportunity flashers.

4. You leave both with regrets.

…and with something sticky on your hands.

5. Neither have enough restrooms.

…which is why someone always ends up “watering the bushes.”

6. Both places have bottle service

One just costs a little more and comes with a lap dance.

7. You don’t want to be barefoot at either place, but you always end up that way.

It’s a phenomenon no one can explain.

8. The ride to and from the location is always hazy.

This is probably for the best because both are off the beaten path.

9. Someone always leaves in tears.

It’s usually a woman.

Reason # 10 wineries are like strip10. There’s a constant danger of stepping in vomit.

The only difference is the strip club vomit has remnants of the day-old buffet.

11. You end up spending much more than you intend to.

It always seems like a good idea to buy an entire case of wine because you might “need it later.”  You also typically feel bad for the previously mentioned ugly stripper, so you do your best to fund her college education via tips.

12. You’d prefer to forget what transpired there, and you usually do.

Alcohol is a beautiful thing because it makes you do stupid things and then makes you forget said stupid things. It’s why it’s so wonderful.

Now, get to planning your day trip to the wineries followed by your night trip to the strip club.  It’s family fun for everyone and you’ll barely notice you’re in a different place.

Cheers!

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Where else you can find me this week

The Fat Girl’s Guide To The Pool

Top 10 Excuses To Get Out Of Exercise

What Marriage Vows Really Mean

If Humans Were More Like Dogs

A Helpful Guide For North West On How To Deal With A Horrible Name

A Guide To Packing For A Weekend In Las Vegas

before surgeryNormally I write a (hopefully) humorous blog about the most ridiculous of things.  However, every now and then I feel compelled to write something more serious.  Lucky for you, this is one of those times.

It’s kind of like seeing a unicorn.

At some point in most people’s lives, they have a friend who is sick.  Not just the normal vomiting after a Saturday night of drinking, but something more serious.  If you haven’t had this happen to you, then you’re lucky, although I suspect it will happen at some point in your life.

As someone who has gone through this, I’ve decided to offer some advice on how to behave when a friend or colleague has been diagnosed with a serious medical condition.  From lupus to cancer, knowing how to act around someone who is sick is a skill many people lack.

Hopefully these tips will give you some guidance.

cute-15719_640Don’t Ignore It

If you don’t know what to say, simply say that, but don’t ignore your friend when she needs you most.  Don’t let your insecurities about how to act affect how you treat your friend.  She is struggling with a lot and it’s selfish to put your uncomfortable feelings before those of your friend.

This happened to me and I can tell you first hand just how bad it stung.  She was one of the few people I told about my diagnosis and treatment.  She was supportive during the conversation and then?

I.  Never.  Heard.  From.  Her.  Again.

This was someone I thought was a close friend and it turned out she wasn’t.  Either she didn’t care about me or was too worried about herself to continue our friendship.  The reason doesn’t matter.  The end result is the same.  It hurts the person who is sick and who is already hurting so much.

confidential-264516_640Respect Her Privacy

Some people are open about medical struggles and diagnoses but some aren’t.  Remember that although you want to know what’s going on, it isn’t your story.  It’s your friend’s and if she doesn’t want it told, then respect that.

There are many different people in this world and it’s not fair to judge others based upon what we think we would do.  Allow me to tell you this:  you don’t know what you would do.  No one does until it happens to them.

If your friend doesn’t want to give details, then respect it.  She has a reason, and it might just be because she doesn’t want to lose friendships by disclosing too much.

It might also be because she doesn’t want to be viewed as less than normal because she is going through something. Maybe she just doesn’t want to be seen as weak.  Or maybe she doesn’t want to say it outloud because then it would be real.

Or maybe it’s another reason entirely.

The bottom line is that it’s not your place to push.  Respect your friend’s wishes and ask what you can do to help, but don’t pry.

WomanLet Your Friend Know You’re Thinking of Her

Just because she’s sick doesn’t mean she’s dead.  She still wants to feel like people care about her and are thinking of her.  A quick text that says “Thinking of you” most likely will make your friend’s day.  She is probably already feeling out of the loop and depressed about being sick.

Those quick little texts or calls make all the difference.

It also shows who her real friends are; and who they aren’t.  My two best friends, DTCB and The Great Ape, were there for me every step of the way and continue to be.  I’m not surprised at all that these women have been wonderful.  I never doubted them, but it’s nice to have reassurance.

On the other hand, there have been people I would have thought would have stepped up that didn’t; people I normally would have sworn would be there for me if I needed them.  That’s a tough lesson to learn, especially when you’re already going through a dificult time.

The only thing worse than physical pain is emotional pain, and I felt much of that traversing these last few months and realizing who my friends were (and weren’t).

Hand ReachingBe Inclusive

Your friend may not be able to go out to dinner with the girls on a Friday night, but you know what?  ASK.  If she can’t go, she’ll say so.  But not being asked hurts.

It’s hard enough being at home feeling horrible, going to doctors all the time and being prodded and questioned about everything.  That’s a struggle in itself.  Couple that with feeling shut out because you’re sick and it’s positively horrible.

It’s hard to realize life is going on without you when you’re sick.  When you’re not included in plans, it feels like you’ve already been dismissed from the group.  It’s painful and isolating.

Always ask, even if the answer is always no.

MP900399215Listen

Sometimes your friend may just want to talk about something or nothing.  Be there.  Listen to her talk about horrible daytime TV and how the only thing that would make it better is a milkshake.

Listening is one of the greatest things you can do for a sick friend and it’s completely free.  It makes them feel relevant and that someone cares about them even though they’re not able to be social.

Hopefully these tips helped shed some light on things.  Please remember that just because someone is sick doesn’t mean they’re dead.  They’re still here and deserve the love and support of those around them.

Think about how you would feel if people acted certain ways and make it a point not to engage in that behavior.

And bring your sick friend ice cream.  Ice cream always helps.

How to act when a friend has illness

WHY ARE THEY IN RED RAIN COATS?! photo credit: PNG's e etc... via photopin cc

WHY ARE THEY IN RED RAIN COATS?!
photo credit: PNG’s e etc… via photopin cc

I’ve got an addiction and it’s super embarrassing.  No, it’s not an addiction to Fro Yo.  You already know about that.  Plus, it’s written all over my hips.

I’m talking about a television show addiction.  Before I tell you about it, please don’t judge.  Please keep in mind I’ve been home sick and not able to do much, so I’ve turned to the only thing I can to keep me occupied:  Netflix.

I’ve tried other programming.  I really have.  I’ve watched “big girl” shows like “Scandal” and “House of Cards” but those were only the beginning…a gateway if you will.  And now?  Now it might be too late.

I’ve gone off the television deep end.  I can’t stop watching “Pretty Little Liars.”

I’ll give you a moment to let this news sink in.  It’s a bit of a bomb I’ve dropped and I’ll allow time for the dust to settle for you to continue on.  I realize I’m normally sophisticated and regal, which is what makes this especially difficult to absorb.

Believe me, no one is more shocked or embarrassed about this than me.  It’s not at all what I expected.  Maybe in retrospect the signs of addiction were there and I just missed them.

photo credit: paulaenamarie via photopin cc

photo credit: paulaenamarie via photopin cc

Maybe I should have known that an addiction to “Gossip Girl” would lead to other shows.  I don’t know.  Maybe I just didn’t want to see it.

I didn’t stumble upon this addiction without some help from my friend.  Or maybe she isn’t my friend at all.  Pajama Jeans (not her real name) has been trying to get me to watch this for years.  She’s such a pusher.

Just try it once and see if you like it,” she said.  Isn’t that always how they get you?  The first taste is free…or in this case, the whole meal is free because I subscribe to Netflix streaming.

photo credit: nordhofsweden via photopin cc

photo credit: nordhofsweden via photopin cc

Either way, here I am, in the middle of season 1 and wanting more.  I can’t get enough.

Before you judge me too much, remember that this is a show that’s on ABC Family.  You know, the channel that’s brought you other television greats like….well….nothing.

You’re probably wondering if the acting is good.  Not really.  You’re wondering if there are celebrities in it that make it worth while.  Not unless you count that C-list actor Chad Lowe, who hasn’t produced any good acting since he played Becca’s HIV positive boyfriend on “Life Goes On.

photo credit: PNG's e etc... via photopin cc

photo credit: PNG’s e etc… via photopin cc

Yes, I just worked that show into this post.

Maybe it’s the theme song that sucked me in.  It’s catchy and it sticks with me all day long (mostly because I hear it every 45 minutes when a new episode plays).

So judge me if you must, but I can’t help my addiction and I can’t turn back now.  I’ve got too much at stake and I don’t have any other shows to watch.  I’ve got to stick with it.  I need to stick with it.

But don’t even think about confronting me about addiction in public.  I won’t talk about it and I’ll deny the whole thing.  I don’t want to be associated with this ugly addiction.  I will lie, and I will lie convincingly.

Come to think of it, I guess this makes me a pretty little liar too.

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Wanna read more of my stuff?  I’m in these books.  They’re hilarious.

I Just Want to Be Alone

You’ve Got Lipstick on Your Teeth

I’m also on NickMom with these new pieces

What a Phrase Means in Your 20s Versus What it Means In Your 30s

Schedule for Flossing

photo credit: Tobyotter via photopin cc

photo credit: Tobyotter via photopin cc

Unless you live in the middle of nowhere, you probably have neighbors.*

*If you live in the middle of nowhere, are you looking to sell to a brilliantly hilarious blogger?

I’ve lived in many places over the years and have encountered several different kinds of neighbors. From apartments to condos to houses, one thing is constant:  Neighbors are fricking weird.

Granted, every now and then you’ll get lucky enough to live next to someone who doesn’t do yoga in the nude with the windows open, but that’s not always the case.

(A note to my neighbors: allow me to apologize for my downward dog position sans pants.  If you don’t like it, buy me curtains.)

Because I like to think my blog provides a public service to all of you, I’ve compiled a list of the different types of neighbors.

Perhaps you have one of these, or perhaps you are one of these.

If you’re the kind of neighbor who likes to bake things, allow me to quote Mr. Rogers and ask “Won’t you be my neighbor?” (Only without all the creepy old man in a sweater stuff.)

The Dog Lady:  You’re pretty sure she’s operating a kennel and the amount of poo coming from that house could fertilize the lawns of the entire subdivision

The Grouch:  A real-life version of Oscar the Grouch, but without the trash can

The Constant Gardener:  (Not like the movie.) Everyone (or just you) pick(s) flowers from her garden daily and she rarely notices

The Baker: She loves baking sweets and you let her make snacks for your kids’ school and your office parties

The Gossip: There’s no need for tabloids.  Just ask her

photo credit: mmatins via photopin cc

photo credit: mmatins via photopin cc

The Nosy Neighbor:  If you can’t remember what you had for breakfast, she can tell you

The Trusty One:  You have her house key…and so does everyone else

The Hoarder: It’s a garage sale everyday!

The Strutter:  She prances around the neighborhood in her tight shorts…in December

The Old Chain Smoker:  The amount of smoke coming from his house causes a weekly call to the fire station

The Friendly Waver:  Her arms are toned from her greetings to every passerby

Maybe you’ve found your neighbor in the group, or maybe you’ve located yourself among this list.  As far as my neighborhood goes, I’m the Grouch and the Crazy Dog Lady.

I’m cool with it though.

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Wanna see where else I’ve been on the internet recently?

The 10 Commandments of Toddlers

Top 9 Signs It’s Time for a New Bra

Anatomy of a Temper Tantrum

Which of These Kids’ Songs Is Most Annoying

The Secret World Under Your Couch Cushions

How To Tell If You’re Getting Flowers This Valentine’s Day

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At the Ritz in West Palm beach

Based on the title of this post, you are probably thinking I’m going to talk about Christina Aguilera’s song “Survivor” in this post.  Unfortunately, that is not the case, although I would encourage you to hum that song while you read.

Seriously.  Hum it.

As some of you may know, I’m struggling with some medical issues.  It’s not something I’ve discussed with many people, nor do I intend to.  Although most of my life is an open book, this is one of the few things I want to keep private, and I appreciate people supporting my wishes.

I’m off work for treatment and although it’s a bit early to tell if it’s working, I am confident it will.

With that said, the point of this post isn’t to talk about me, but to encourage all of you to do a few things .(One of those is obviously to hum Christina Aguilera tunes, but you should already be doing that).

First, I encourage you to know your family health history.  Many medical conditions are either genetic or conditions that run in families.  Because of this it’s important to know the medical histories of your parents, grandparents, etc., if at all possible.

My favorite spa in the world!  The Eau Spa at the Ritz Carlton in West Palm Beach, Florida.  This is my happy place.

My favorite spa in the world! The Eau Spa at the Ritz Carlton in West Palm Beach, Florida. This is my happy place.

Knowing these things can make you more aware of predispositions you may have to things, and ultimately, could save your life.

Second, I encourage you to embrace and appreciate those around you.  Okay, maybe don’t physically embrace them, as the cashier at the checkout might not find your hug quite as endearing as you would like.  You might find your way to an assault charge if you take this advice literally.

Rather, simply appreciate those around you.  Yes, it’s cold and the snow can be a pain, but it’s also beautiful and provides a brightness that is otherwise missing during the winter months.  Yes, work can be difficult but it also provides a paycheck to allow you to live your life.

Not only should you appreciate those little things around you, but appreciate your loved ones as well.  I can say from my recent experiences that my family and close friends have been invaluable to me.  Every now and then stop and take stock of your life and all the amazing people you have in it.

The women's jacuzzi room at the Eau Spa.  The shower changes colors and the lounge chairs are heated stone that contour to your body.

The women’s jacuzzi room at the Eau Spa. The shower changes colors and the lounge chairs are heated stone that contour to your body.

I’ve never been so grateful for my husband as I have been these past few months.  I’ve realized some of the friends I have are the best friends anyone could ever ask for. I’m not sure I would have come to that conclusion until now, and I’m grateful this has made me aware of it.

Although I’m certainly upset with my diagnosis, among other things, it’s shown me  how many amazing people I have in my life.  It’s sad that something had to happen to demonstrate that to me, but I’m glad I’ve had that realization.

I’m hoping to impart that to you.  Don’t wait for something bad to come into your life.  Tell the people who matter how much they mean to you.  They need to know, and you need to realize just how much amazing people can impact your life.

I will get through this time and emerge a stronger woman on the other side.  I’m confident of that, but only because I have such an amazing group of people supporting me.

My father had a brain tumor several years ago.  The doctors weren’t hopeful but operated anyway, as they had nothing to lose.  Fortunately, my father survived and has been cancer-free for 25 years.

I have no idea how my dad fought through that, especially with the added stress of being self-employed and having a wife and children to support.  I also have no idea how my mom made it through that time.  Both of them are stronger than I will ever be.

My feet in one of the reflection pools

My feet in one of the reflection pools

With that said, I know I can do this.  If my parents could get through such a grim diagnosis, I can certainly deal with mine and move forward with my life.  So can you.  So can anyone.

I truly believe the positive attitude they have is part of what led to his successful treatment.  The love and support of others was also a big component as well.

A few years ago, his only sibling was diagnosed with cancer as well.  She also went through successful treatment and is still the amazing woman she was before her diagnosis.

I tell you these stories not only to demonstrate how awesome my family is, but for two reasons.  First, to demonstrate how important knowledge of your family medical history can be.

I'm thankful for the beach.  It's truly where I'm the happiest.

I’m thankful for the beach. It’s truly where I’m the happiest.

Both siblings had a cancer diagnosis, which is certainly telling that it can run in the family.  Sure, this could be a coincidence, but based upon other family history, I suspect it is not.

Second, this story demonstrates the importance of enjoying each moment and cherishing those around you.  We don’t know what tomorrow will bring, and all we can do is live for today.  Enjoy every possible moment with your loved ones.

Enjoy your pets, the taste of a good dinner and the fresh air outside.  Soak in every wonderful moment of life, as you never know what the future could bring.

I’m grateful for my husband.  He’s been the most amazing and understanding person and I couldn’t go through this without him.  I’m thankful for my family, who knows and understands what I’m going through, and is always there to support me.

I’m grateful for my friends.  Although only those closest to me know my struggles, I’m overwhelmed with the support they’ve shown.  My dearest friends show support and love everyday, from going with me for frozen yogurt to just sitting with me when I need that.

lisa at beach

Life really is a beach…especially if you’re on one!

I’m grateful for my dogs, as they have been the best snuggle buddies a girl could ever ask for.  I’m grateful for my employer, who has been nothing short of amazing with me taking time off.

I’m also thankful for each of you.  Knowing you enjoy reading what I write is so rewarding.  There’s nothing better than when someone tells me my writing made their day.  If you’ve ever done that, allow me to say thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Maybe this random post is just to encourage you to enjoy your life, pay attention to those people and things that matter, and forget the rest.  Life is too short to get caught up in trivial things that don’t matter.  It’s not worth your time or your energy.

I’d like to think that when I pass, my eulogy won’t be about how I was a lawyer, worked hard, and made a good life for myself.  I’d like to think it will be about how I lived my life for every moment and how I saw the humor in situations.

I’m taking that advice now, and will move forward with smiles and laughter.  Fortunately, I have amazing people who will help make that happen.  I encourage all of you to do the same.

Now go download Christina Aguilera.

I'm a survivor