me, me, ME!

This is me on my rental scooter, Lola.  Isn't she perfection?

This is me on my rental scooter, Lola. Isn’t she perfection?

I’m a humor blogger who plays an unconvincing lawyer in real life. I prefer dogs over most people, and food over most everything. I fall frequently and almost always spill something on my shirt.

Fortunately, I’m married to an amazing guy who is either clinically insane for putting up with me or he’s conducting a research project on how to live with a crazy person.

Either way, I’m grateful he hasn’t left me.

I’m an animal lover and would have 20 dogs if it were socially acceptable (or if we had a bigger house).

I’m active in dog rescue and volunteer with a no-kill shelter and am constantly repeating in my head “Don’t talk about dogs” whenever I’m engaged in conversation.

Me and the hubs.  I'm normally blonde but am going through a rebellious brunette phase.

Me and the hubs. I’m normally blonde but am going through a rebellious brunette phase.

I give fake names to everyone referenced in my blog except my husband.  This is done to protect their identities, but mostly so they don’t have to publicly admit our friendship. Each name is carefully crafted based upon an experience with them or a characteristic I find awesome.

You should be honored if you make the blog.  At least that’s what I tell myself.

Sadly, every experience I write about here is true, which further demonstrates I’m crazy. Sane people would never have these experiences, or if they did, they wouldn’t admit to them on the internet.

Maybe that’s “Exhibit A” for my husband’s research.

Our three dogs.  They're a-holes, but we love them anyway.

Our three dogs. They’re a-holes, but we love them anyway.

I never intend to offend, although I suppose that’s an inevitable side effect. My posts are to be read as light-hearted rantings. They are also intended to be read in an emphatic voice with unnecessary hand gestures. (Inadvertent spitting is optional.)

Hopefully this blog will make you feel better about your own life and you can think “At least I didn’t make an ass of myself like she did.”

Either way, it will also remind you that vodka is the answer to everything, except if the question is “What should I throw on this fire?”  Then the answer is definitely NOT vodka.

Enjoy, and try to withhold judgment.

Nevermind. You can totally judge.

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