Kermit is definitely a sexy beast who looks good with or without clothing, yet Kermit is the epitome of nudity. When you think about it, he’s the only Muppet who can pull off the totally nude look.
Okay, so maybe Rowlf The Dog is naked, but he always has that piano at waist level, which tells me he’s insecure about something. I suspect I know what it is…
He’s not neutered, of course. Geez. You guys are such pervs.
<insert public service message about spaying/neutering your animals or I will cut your balls off.>
Where is this post going? Good question.
If you’re still reading and haven’t gone to PBS to watch Sesame Street, then I will tell you where this post is headed.
To the gutter. Or actually, to the streets. Follow my logic.
For some reason, in thinking about Kermit, I began to wonder if Kermit was a lover or a fighter. He always pushes away Miss Piggy’s advances, which suggests he may be a fighter. But who would he fight with? That annoying Elmo? Hopefully.
Which begs the question: Who would win if Kermit got into a fight with Elmo?
I’m not talking about one of those “You took the last fruit roll-up so I’m going to kick you in the shins and run away” fights. I’m talking about a true fight. With biting and crap. Who would win?
That frisky frog is one good looking dude, but is he scrappy? He seems like such a nice guy, and he does let Miss Piggy walk all over him.
Okay, she doesn’t literally walk all over him, as that would most certainly crush his rib cage…unless he’s into that sort of thing.
Wait, a frog doesn’t have ribs. Plus for Kermie!
He might be an underrated opponent just because of his size, yet he might be able to bench press like a sonofabitch.
I’ve seen it done. Not by an amphibian, but by scrawny guys at the gym whose moms drop them off after swim practice.
But then there’s Elmo. I don’t know what species he is, other than a creeper who talks like a child despite the fact he frequently wears business suits.
I think he’s supposed to be a monster of some sort, but I don’t know any monsters who giggle like school girls.
Come to think of it, maybe he’s neutered, and that’s why he has such a high-pitched voice.
That could be a point in his corner for overpowering Kermit, as he wouldn’t have his manly monster parts to get in the way of a smackdown.
Instead of making you read my word vomit, which is clearly what this post is, I’ve decided to make a tally of things each opponent has going for and against him.
So there you have it: my thoughts on who would win in a fight on Sesame Street. The outcome is unclear, and I suppose I will leave it up to you to decide who would prevail in this matchup of Muppets.
Let me know your thoughts, and if I can figure out how to do a little chart of everyone’s answers, I will. And by “I” I mean if someone else can figure that out. We all know I can’t figure that out. If I could, I would have done it already.
So let me know who you think would win, and your thoughts on why. This is a very important topic. It’s really for the kids.