butterbur-51919I’ve always been a fan of Kermit The Frog.  He’s the first thing that comes to mind when I think of green.  After all, it isn’t easy.

Kermit is definitely a sexy beast who looks good with or without clothing, yet Kermit is the epitome of nudity.  When you think about it, he’s the only Muppet who can pull off the totally nude look.

Okay, so maybe Rowlf The Dog is naked, but he always has that piano at waist level, which tells me he’s insecure about something.  I suspect I know what it is…

He’s not neutered, of course.  Geez.  You guys are such pervs.

<insert public service message about spaying/neutering your animals or I will cut your balls off.>

Where is this post going?  Good question.

If you’re still reading and haven’t gone to PBS to watch Sesame Street, then I will tell you where this post is headed.

To the gutter.  Or actually, to the streets.  Follow my logic.

For some reason, in thinking about Kermit, I began to wonder if Kermit was a lover or a fighter.  He always pushes away Miss Piggy’s advances, which suggests he may be a fighter. But who would he fight with? That annoying Elmo? Hopefully.

Which begs the question: Who would win if Kermit got into a fight with Elmo?

kermit-64718

I’m not talking about one of those “You took the last fruit roll-up so I’m going to kick you in the shins and run away” fights.  I’m talking about a true fight.  With biting and crap.  Who would win?

That frisky frog is one good looking dude, but is he scrappy?  He seems like such a nice guy, and he does let Miss Piggy walk all over him.

Okay, she doesn’t literally walk all over him, as that would most certainly crush his rib cage…unless he’s into that sort of thing.

Wait, a frog doesn’t have ribs.  Plus for Kermie!

SMACKDOWNBut what about his physical prowess?  He has scrawny arms, but is he strong?  Does he work his core, or only his glamour muscles?

He might be an underrated opponent just because of his size, yet he might be able to bench press like a sonofabitch.

I’ve seen it done.  Not by an amphibian, but by scrawny guys at the gym whose moms drop them off after swim practice.

But then there’s Elmo.  I don’t know what species he is, other than a creeper who talks like a child despite the fact he frequently wears business suits.

I think he’s supposed to be a monster of some sort, but I don’t know any monsters who giggle like school girls.

Come to think of it, maybe he’s neutered, and that’s why he has such a high-pitched voice.

That could be a point in his corner for overpowering Kermit, as he wouldn’t have his manly monster parts to get in the way of a smackdown.

Instead of making you read my word vomit, which is clearly what this post is, I’ve decided to make a tally of things each opponent has going for and against him.

You’re welcome.

Elmo Pros

 

Elmo Con (1)

So there you have it:  my thoughts on who would win in a fight on Sesame Street.  The outcome is unclear, and I suppose I will leave it up to you to decide who would prevail in this matchup of Muppets.

Let me know your thoughts, and if I can figure out how to do a little chart of everyone’s answers, I will.  And by “I” I mean if someone else can figure that out. We all know I can’t figure that out.  If I could, I would have done it already.

So let me know who you think would win, and your thoughts on why. This is a very important topic.  It’s really for the kids.

7 Thoughts on “Smackdown on ‘Sesame Street’

  1. Kermit – he’s got that long skinny build that says tangling with him would be like trying to wrestle silly string.
    Vanessa D. just rambled about…We Lost Something Precious TodayMy Profile

  2. Kermit would totally talk his way out of it. Thanks for the humor, great way to start a day!

  3. I also believe that Kermit would win hands down. Thank you for providing all of the pros and cons in such an organized manner–it really helped me come to my conclusion.

    A few additional thoughts on why I think Kermit could take Elmo in a heartbeat:

    (1) Testosterone. Elmo is a perpetual 3-year-old (I’m fairly certain that Muppets don’t age), so he’s probably pretty low on it. Kermit, while a peaceful dude, does have the hots for Miss Piggy, so we know there’s something manly going on there, even if she does “wears the pants”. Kermit is probably only with her for the great sex.

    (2) Intelligence. Kermit is a thoughtful and contemplative frog, so I think he’d have the ability to plan out his moves. Elmo is immature, probably wouldn’t be able to think even one step ahead in a fight, and is impulsive due to both his age and personality. He probably wouldn’t even realize he was in a fight until it was too late. Besides being as annoying as Hell (which could also serve to stimulate Kermit’s aggression), Elmo would be pretty easy to outsmart.

    (3) Cunning. While we’ve never seen either Muppet display much degree of it, Kermit would naturally have more cunning for reasons already discussed above. I don’t think that Elmo was neutered–I think his voice is so high because of his age. One kick to the family jewels by Kermit would win the fight. Elmo is easily distracted by shiny things and food–he may even have ADHD, though I think it’s still too early to confirm that diagnosis.

    Many thanks, Lisa, for bringing up this important topic. I am very eager to hear others’ responses. I’m sure you’ve already thought of this, but I think it can’t be stated too many times: Bullying is wrong and it’s ALWAYS better to use your words! 😉

  4. This couldn’t have come at a better time. I’m watching Sesame Street with my son right now, but I had to walk away because stupid Elmo came on. Kermit would win, because I’ve got his back!
    Jenn @ Something Clever 2.0 just rambled about…Two Funny MothasMy Profile

  5. My money’s on Kermit. Mostly because I love Kermit and hate Elmo, but I just think Kermit is smarter than Elmo. Elmo has the mentality of a four year old (no, really, I read someplace that all the Muppets have “ages” that they’re supposed to represent–Big Bird, for instance, is six or seven). Kermit would be able to do one of those, “Hey, your shoe’s untied” things, and when Elmo looked down, Kermit could kick him in the face, because Elmo is too stupid to remember that about 90% of the time, he’s not wearing shoes.

    I am solidly Team Kermit on this.
    qwertygirl just rambled about…The Greatest Cake of AllMy Profile

  6. Well, see I was going to say Kermit but now since he seems like the underdog I’m gonna pull for the little guy. I’m going to say his voice will break Kermit’s ear drums causing him to lose his balance, then, bam, concussion.
    Liz just rambled about…Zoe vs. Earth, Wind, and FireMy Profile

  7. I’m on the go Kermit team, not for any good reason, but because you called him a pussy for hibernating in winter. I hibernate in winter and I am no pussy. Also, I’m not really specific to winter either. I don’t care what season it is.
    Eric just rambled about…The Incontinence PandemicMy Profile

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