Funny things my husband yelledFor some time our bathtub has needed to be re-caulked.  However, instead of actually caulking it, my husband and I spend the time we could actually be fixing it making jokes and using the word “caulk” in as many perverted ways as possible…because we’re classy.

But today, that all came to an end when he decided to pick up that large weapon he loves to wield and went to work right there in the bathroom…with a caulk gun.

I don’t like to help in home improvement projects, mostly because I don’t know what I’m doing anymore than Matt does, and it would be more of the blind leading the blind if I were to lend my helping hand.  Plus, that hand is usually holding a cocktail.

So instead of helping, I like to observe from the sidelines and pretend I don’t see him casually looking up YouTube videos whenever he needs help.

Today was no different.  He headed to the bathroom holding his large tool and I hoped for the best.  It had to be done and we didn’t want to pay a professional to do it, mostly because Matt told himself he was a master of caulk. (See what I mean about the inappropriate jokes?)

When Matt went in to do the deed, I kept my ears open because I knew he would yell random things during the project.  I wasn’t disappointed.

Because I’m good to you, I kept track of all the things he yelled while caulking the tub.  I need to point out that every one of these were YELLED.  Not said, but yelled loudly enough for me to hear them several rooms away. Perhaps that’s what makes them so funny.


Okay.  I’m going to try to caulk this bitch.”

Yes!  Come on.  Give it to me!”

You’re being a little bitch.

They make it look a lot easier online!”

Yeah you filthy bitch!”

There’s just so much light!”  (I have no idea what he was talking about here)

Oh yeah!  Oh.  Yeah!”

How do you know the desired bead size?  I guess it’s trial and error.  We’ll see!”

Ah!  I’m falling…

I can’t get this off…which has never been a problem for me.

Jealous? You should be.  Our bathtub is now freshly caulked.  Whether it’s done correctly remains to be seen.  I suspect I’ll have to watch a few YouTube videos to make sure he did it correctly.


16 Thoughts on “Funny Things My Husband Yelled While Caulking our Bathtub

  1. There is much less profanity than I would have expected. I am both disappointed by that and admire that he could turn the entire project into an entire dirty joke.
    Eric just rambled about…Bacon Physics: Apparently it’s a thingMy Profile

    • I was also disappointed with the lack of profanity (other than the word “bitch.”) He really let me down. I was looking forward to a ton of f-bombs.

      But that guy can make a million jokes out of the word “caulk.” It’s a talent.

  2. Ken Susman on September 21, 2014 at 10:53 pm said:

    Oddly, the only part of this story that is NOT a surprise to me is the caulk jokes!

  3. We totally do the caulk jokes as often as we possibly can. Its so fun!

  4. I am sorely disappointed that there wasn’t an instructional video MADE here. You guys could make some serious money there.
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  5. Just LMAO. We make caulk jokes too. Apparently class leaks all over the place.
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  6. Just so many kinds of awesome…cracked me up entirely. Reminded me of watching and listening to my uncle work on my car. Only my uncle is something of a master of profanity. My personal favorite is when he screamed at my car a delightful stream of profanity that ended with the term “son of a pig fucker”, which made me giggle for far longer than it should have. I must admit though, I am guilty of both inappropriate caulk comments as well as hollering at inanimate objects…frequently and loudly…in front of witnesses.

  7. Priceless.

  8. It doesn’t sound like yelling to me. It sounds sexy.
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