Dear Chin Hair,Dear Chin Hair,

Where the hell did you come from?  I certainly didn’t invite you, nor did I tell you to take up residence on my chin.

Granted, I’ve noticed you other random places, but figured you were a one-time visitor and wouldn’t return because the accommodations are poor and the Yelp! reviews are less than glowing.

But now you’ve decided to visit my face?  Not cool.  Not cool at all.

At first I thought it was a mistake; a result of poor lighting in my Volkswagen, Dieter.  I noticed you in the rearview mirror and suspected you were just a scratch on the mirror.  But no.  If only…

I’ve only recently tried to evict you, but you’ve proven a formidable opponent.  You’re strong and stubborn and coarse and much firmer than I would have expected.

Forgive me for being so stern. I realize you’d like a nice place to call home, but that home can’t be my chin.  It just can’t.

Yes. I realize you’re threatening to migrate other places if I evict you, but I won’t be bullied.  You won’t be allowed to stay.  Not at all.  “Not by the hair on my chinny chin chin.”

And yes, I see both the humor and the irony in that statement.

You have to go because no matter what, you’re going to set up shop somewhere else on my face.  You’re quite popular and your friends will want to party at your place…which will be on my face. They’ll leave some of their friends behind who will join you at your permanent residence and will continue to be the obnoxious neighbor who pops up at inopportune times…like at a client dinner.

Not on my watch. Or as it stands, not on my chin.

Where did you even come from? You’re a stealthy one. Sneaking up on me one day only to discover you’d already moved in and furnished the place is not the most pleasant way to introduce yourself.

Perhaps moving in gradually would have helped our relationship.  Of course, had you slowly moved in I probably would have caught you sooner and evicted you, so perhaps this strategy was best for you.

Either way, I need you to go. I don’t care where you go but you can’t stay here…or anywhere on my face or neck. I’ve got enough of your friends to deal with there.

So goodbye chin hair. I won’t miss you and I’m not sorry to see you go. Please go bother some other woman; preferably a cute one in her early 20s.

Love Lisa

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I’m on the web other places this week

I Love My Hairy Children

I Broke Up With My Best Friend (And Maybe You Should Too)

11 Thoughts on “Dear Chin Hair (An Eviction Notice)

  1. I wondered where he went when I evicted him last week….
    Rachael just rambled about…Waiting for the short busMy Profile

  2. I’d think this was funny, but I have have one too. I evict, he waits until I’m convinced he’s gone for good, and BAM! He’s ba-a-a-ck! Fortunately, he only sets up his housekeeping in the very same spot every time. So far. Let me know if you find a final way to rid our chins of him!

  3. I think his relatives are homesteading on the mole on my cheek! Can you send them an eviction letter, too?

  4. Lisa… you’re missing a serious circus opportunity here. This could be your road to success!!
    Emelie just rambled about…All the pumpkin.My Profile

  5. You think it might be related to my one eyebrow hair that grows to a length of 6″ or more in a single night of sleep?
    Eric just rambled about…I’m mostly not dead muchMy Profile

  6. Dude,

    Me and the chin hairs have been having words for the last several years. My best friend? The Tweezers. All sets of them.
    Quirky Chrissy just rambled about…Knock Knock Jokes, Domestic Abuse, and Cheese Porn: How You Found MeMy Profile

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