For some time our bathtub has needed to be re-caulked. However, instead of actually caulking it, my husband and I spend the time we could actually be fixing it making jokes and using the word “caulk” in as many perverted ways as possible…because we’re classy.
But today, that all came to an end when he decided to pick up that large weapon he loves to wield and went to work right there in the bathroom…with a caulk gun.
I don’t like to help in home improvement projects, mostly because I don’t know what I’m doing anymore than Matt does, and it would be more of the blind leading the blind if I were to lend my helping hand. Plus, that hand is usually holding a cocktail.
So instead of helping, I like to observe from the sidelines and pretend I don’t see him casually looking up YouTube videos whenever he needs help.
Today was no different. He headed to the bathroom holding his large tool and I hoped for the best. It had to be done and we didn’t want to pay a professional to do it, mostly because Matt told himself he was a master of caulk. (See what I mean about the inappropriate jokes?)
When Matt went in to do the deed, I kept my ears open because I knew he would yell random things during the project. I wasn’t disappointed.
Because I’m good to you, I kept track of all the things he yelled while caulking the tub. I need to point out that every one of these were YELLED. Not said, but yelled loudly enough for me to hear them several rooms away. Perhaps that’s what makes them so funny.
“Okay. I’m going to try to caulk this bitch.”
“Yes! Come on. Give it to me!”
“You’re being a little bitch.”
“They make it look a lot easier online!”
“Yeah you filthy bitch!”
“There’s just so much light!” (I have no idea what he was talking about here)
“Oh yeah! Oh. Yeah!”
“How do you know the desired bead size? I guess it’s trial and error. We’ll see!”
“Ah! I’m falling…”
“I can’t get this off…which has never been a problem for me.”
Jealous? You should be. Our bathtub is now freshly caulked. Whether it’s done correctly remains to be seen. I suspect I’ll have to watch a few YouTube videos to make sure he did it correctly.