It’s Tinder Tuesday, which means another edition of mercilessly mocking someone on the dating site, Tinder.  Here’s this week’s candidate.

Tinder Tuesday guy with lighthouses

I think we can all agree this guy works out and has a great body.  We can also agree that the tattoo across his stomach looks like it says “dick.”  I really hope it does.

I can’t make out what the rest of his tattoos are but it looks like the one on his upper arm is a paisley print, which probably goes well with his sleeveless t-shirts he wears to the gym.  You know the ones—the ones he cuts the sleeves off himself and cuts a “v” in the collar so it looks like a Polo shirt.

Not.  Fooling.  Anybody.

Week 8 of Tinder TuesdaysHe appears to be in his backyard, which I like to believe he calls his “oasis.”  However, it doesn’t look like he’s much of a green thumb, as the hanging flower baskets are completely barren.  Maybe he killed them just like he killed the ab machine at the gym this morning.

One thing we do know about him though; homeboy loves his lighthouses.  It’s not like he just has one.  He likes to surround himself with different colored lighthouses, perhaps as a reminder that there’s always a light at the end of the tunnel of love…or that he’s afraid of the dark and lighthouses make great night lights.

Although he may not be great with potted plants, he appears to love animals—or at least plastic ones.  From butterflies to pink flamingos, this guy likes his garden colorful, even if it can’t be with flowers.

Pick of the week-Tinder TuesdaysHis love of pinks doesn’t stop at those flamingos; it extends to the cushions on his porch swing as well.  Of all the colors he could have selected, he chose a soft pink floral print…perhaps to match the pink flamingos.

Looking to his face we see that he has on both sunglasses and a hat.  Obviously he’s worried about protecting his face from the sunshine, although he’s fine with the sun blasting his pecs.

That hat is…interesting.  I’m disappointed it’s a different pattern of plaid than his shorts.  I expected more from him, especially since he matched his cushions so nicely with his yard ornaments.

The only thing I can draw from the fact he’s wearing a hat that doesn’t match his shorts is that he’s wearing the hat for one reason; he’s bald.

The good news is, at least so says his bio, that you can grab a beverage with him and find out!

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Wanna find me other places on the web this week?

Check out what should really be on your back-to-school shopping list.  (Hint:  Alcohol is one of the things.)

Wanna make your kids sign contracts to agree to do (and not do) things when they return to school?  Here’s my prototype.

Top 9 Life Lessons I Learned From “Clueless”

 

8 Thoughts on “Tinder Tuesday: 8th Edition

  1. Always enticing!

    • Ha! Can you believe the amount of crap in that backyard?! It was probably his grandma’s, but whatever. I had to mock it!

    • What’s funny is I have to go through a lot of other bad ones to find one I can actually post. So many of them are close ups that I’d love to mock but can’t show their face.

      This guy was actually kind of hot!

  2. You can sure pick ’em! Thanks for the weekly laugh!

    • You know what’s funny? His face is actually pretty good looking! I also like to think the feminine elements in the yard mean he has a softer side….or that he lives with his grandma.

  3. Lisa,

    You have done it again. What great subject matter! It is clear that your time in school has given you so many lessons on writing and subject matter. Elle Woods and Will Ferrell would be so proud.

    Now, I will fully admit that it took me a few minutes to get past the picture of the hunk of man meat you have provided today. As I tell people around me, I kind of like them a little “hoosier”. However, from looking at the picture, I have a better of chance of having tender moments with certain beautiful, Docker wearing, long/wavy eyelash having men (you know who I mean) than the above gentleman. In looking at him, I can’t help but think his name is Bruce or Julian but that he goes by Connor, Logan, or Dakota (or even Kody…but spells it with a “K”). We will go with Kody from here on out.

    As previously stated, Kody loves lighthouses. I, too, went through a lighthouse period. Ah the good ol’ days of boozing, dancing til dawn, and lighthouses. So many lighthouses. If it wasn’t for those lighthouses, I would have been a way better student, but as they say, “You dont choose the lighthouse lyfe, the lyfe chooses you.” I learned so much from that period. It made me into the raincoat wearing, hard nosed, “get out of here you young whippersnappers”, 30 year old that I am today.

    The plaid is just aboslutely fantastic. I would give anything to find which Rue 21 he went to. I would say he went to The Buckle but unfortuntately that LighthouseLyfe is very costly. Between the lightbulbs, the paint, and the nights at Discotech…it becomes pricey real fast. So we have to give him credit for his effort, however mismatched it might be.

    Obviously, the tattoos are also part of the LighthouseLyfe. I’m sure he is affiliated with one of the several gangs in “the lyfe”. From the looks of it, I would say the Nordic Fjord Kings. Yikes, if that’s the case, the NFKs are the bad ones. They lyfe real hard. I don’t even want to get into their initiations. You’ve heard of a beat in, well the NFKs get “shipped” in and then there is something with a Sea Bass. It makes me shudder to think about it. Also, his “going Dutch” is another indicator of NFK membership. (Dutch…Nordic…Fjord…get it?!)

    The pink floral is an indicator of one of two things… (1) He is on the “downlow” or (2) He has a sweet, Southern grandmother. Either way…good for him. One should consider themselves lucky to have a “Granny” who sends lovely gifts like floral swing cushions and knitted sweaters that are too big with ships on them. Being on the “down low” or “DL” provides him the opportunity to do things like get those awesome tummy tatts and join NFK without being harrassed by the LGBT community with “Oh no honey…you can’t put those two things together. That just does NOT werk.” We clearly know he wouldn’t get invited to brunch and there is no worse slap in the face than that.

    Thank you again for bringing this fine, beefy specimen to us for our review today. Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go…um…wash my hair.

  4. Your Tinder Tuesday’s crack me up!

    But come on now. The dude has flamingos in his pic. He can NOT be that bad now. I love me some pink flamingos. I’m married and stupidly happy….but my man won’t let me do the pink flamingos in the back yard.

    Only in the RV.

    And by revealing that…I just announced I am way too old. And thank you, Jesus, for that.

    =)

    You’re a hoot…
    Carrie just rambled about…If there is anything you need to know about keeping your job and I’m not around you can always hit up the internet and see if she can help.My Profile

    • Youre husband is a smart man for outlawing the pink flamingos!

      When I was a kid my dad had brain cancer and was really sick. He and my mom had to go to Iowa for treatment and were gone a while. When they came home, some friends decorated our entire front yard with pink flamingos and other super tacky stuff. It was so much fun to see when I was a kid.

      And that’s why I have a soft spot for pink flamingos. 🙂

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