It’s time for Tinder Tuesday and this week I’m going back to a male candidate. Actually, I may have gone back to a male candidate last week, as that candidate’s gender was less than clear.
Either way, let’s get to the good stuff…and since there’s no good stuff, let’s just get to the photo.
It’s a lot to take in, huh? You can practically hear the creepy kids’ music coming from that van in the background. Even though it’s not painted like an ice cream truck, I’ve got a quarter that says this guy drives that truck around trying to sell sno cones to little boys.
We can’t tell for sure if it’s an ice cream truck but what we can tell from this photo is that this week’s candidate is not the best driver. You can see the dents on the side of the van where he either ran over a child’s father or an unwilling woman resisted being gagged and dragged into the love mobile.
Her resistance was futile.
I also note there’s a worn out path on the ground from his creeper-van to what I can only imagine is this guy’s favorite park. I’m not saying he takes kids from that park and brings them to his van, but….wait. Nope. That’s totally what I’m saying. That’s why there’s such a worn path there.
Looking to the actual candidate, we see he can’t be bothered with a shirt. Something tells me he also couldn’t be bothered with deodorant.
The good news is that since he’s not wearing a shirt we can see his hairless chest. I can’t tell if it’s waxed or shaved but one thing’s for sure; he knows hair holds DNA and he wants to eliminate as much as possible.
He also clearly knows the art of seduction, as his sexy pose tells us he’s down to party. The rash above his junk tells us he’s already partied with most of the strippers at the local establishments.
Perhaps he should get some ointment and store it in that van.
Thankfully he’s wearing a belt, although it looks like that belt is missing a buckle. I suspect it may have been ripped off in the throes of passion…or in an attempt to escape. Either/or.
Our guy might pay close attention to the kids at the park but it doesn’t look like he pays attention to the weather. The reflection in the van’s windows show there are no leaves on the tree, or at least there’s no leaves on that tree. Perhaps it shuddered them off once it saw Romeo sans shirt.
This photo doesn’t show this candidate’s footwear but there’s no way he isn’t wearing cowboy boots. No fricking way. Yee-haw.
So if you’re looking for a creepy guy with a rash, bad B.O. and a stalker van, this guy is probably your man. I bet you can find him near the local playground after school. But don’t be fooled, he DOES NOT have ice cream.