I’m not even going to pretend this time that you guys are here to read my writing. I’ve finally accepted that the real reason my blog stays in business (albiet making no money) is because of the funny crap my husband says. I really need to trademark this $hit.
This month I have so many that I’ve actually had to hold some back for next month, which is just downright ridiculous. It’s also a teaser for next month.
Let’s just get this party started.
Matt: “That relationship is destined to end in a murder-suicide. When it’s on Dateline it can be called “Murder-suey in St. Louie.”
Lisa: “You were right about this ONE thing. Big deal. A broken clock is right twice a day.”
Matt: “Yeah. And this broken clock was right today.”
<sound of microwave turntable moving in the other room>
Matt: “It’s ok. I’m fine. Don’t worry.”
Lisa: “I knew what that sound was and I knew you were fine.”
Matt: “Fortunately I was. But I could have gotten a bruise that would have lasted for days.”
Employee of the Month
Matt: “Isn’t that why we all have full time jobs? So we can print stuff for free?”
Matt: “We should go sit outside for lunch and take Shady Jack.”
Lisa: “That sounds good. Where do you want to go?”
Matt: “I don’t know. I plant the seed of knowledge and you have to water it.”
Bladder of Steel
Matt: “You go ahead and get in the pool. I have to go to the bathroom.”
Matt: “Nah. I’ll just pee in the pool.”
Lisa: “Why don’t you just do it this way? Your way doesn’t make any sense.”
Matt: “This conversation doesn’t make any sense.”
Lisa: “My seatbelt is stuck. I can’t get it.”
Matt: “Stop pulling on it and it will work.”
Lisa: “Ok. You do it.”
<Matt can’t get it unstuck>
Matt: “I don’t know why you have to break things.”
<laying in bed and pointing to the window next to the bed>
Matt: “Hey. I opened up this window with my foot. Are you impressed?”
And that, ladies and gentlemen, is my husband. And yes, I married him because he could open a window with his foot.
Which one was your favorite?