Most adults have spent at least one day and/or night of their lives experiencing the debauchery of too much alcohol and too may scantily clad women dancing to bad music. Oh, and they’ve also been to a strip club too.
Wineries and strip clubs are a lot more similar than we’d care to admit, and not just because both typically result in a marital argument and someone sleeping/passing out on the couch.
Since it’s the season for wineries, and it’s always the season for strip clubs, I thought it would be a perfect time to point out the ways wineries are exactly like strip clubs. Exactly.
1. Everyone ends up dancing to hair bands from the 80s
From Def Leppard’s “Pour Some Sugar On Me” to Erasure’s “Respect,” you’ll rock out to jams from the best decade ever.
2. Bad decisions are made at both places.
One involves an entire block of cheese and the other involves blocking out the memory of that one less-than-attractive dancer.
This is not specific just to women. People at both places tend to be equal opportunity flashers.
4. You leave both with regrets.
…and with something sticky on your hands.
5. Neither have enough restrooms.
…which is why someone always ends up “watering the bushes.”
6. Both places have bottle service
One just costs a little more and comes with a lap dance.
7. You don’t want to be barefoot at either place, but you always end up that way.
It’s a phenomenon no one can explain.
8. The ride to and from the location is always hazy.
This is probably for the best because both are off the beaten path.
9. Someone always leaves in tears.
It’s usually a woman.
The only difference is the strip club vomit has remnants of the day-old buffet.
11. You end up spending much more than you intend to.
It always seems like a good idea to buy an entire case of wine because you might “need it later.” You also typically feel bad for the previously mentioned ugly stripper, so you do your best to fund her college education via tips.
12. You’d prefer to forget what transpired there, and you usually do.
Alcohol is a beautiful thing because it makes you do stupid things and then makes you forget said stupid things. It’s why it’s so wonderful.
Now, get to planning your day trip to the wineries followed by your night trip to the strip club. It’s family fun for everyone and you’ll barely notice you’re in a different place.