Week 3 of Tinder TuesdaysIt’s Tuesday and I’ve got a doozie lined up for you today.  It’s my birthday today so I wanted to do something extra special for this week’s installment.

This photo won’t disappoint.

From sequins to body hair to inappropriate floating devices, this week’s photo might just be my favorite one so far.  I’ve also decided that for this week only I’m going to post the picture.  I think I’ve done enough editing out to protect the real person’s identity, although I can’t imagine he isn’t well-known wherever he goes.

Either way, enjoy this week’s edition.  Please also feel free to send me money, candy, or any other birthday gifts you deem appropriate.

Tinder Tuesday HulkeThis guy is clearly festive, which is why I chose this as my birthday photo.  Check out his sequined banana hammock.  Nothing says “I know how to please a woman sexually” quite like gold sequined Speedos, although I doubt those are Speedo brand.  He doesn’t strike me as the kind of guy who would go all out for expensive items.

I mean, he clearly can’t invest in a razor for his man-palace.

This brings me to the second part of the photo I’d like to address.  What the hell is going on in his genital region?  Believe me, I don’t want to look there but my eyes can’t help but be drawn to the explosion of hair fighting to escape the sequined thong.

I suspect he had a hard time shoving all of it into those bikini bottoms and the visible hair is what wouldn’t fit.  If you look closely it appears as if part of his junk is actually exposed, although we can’t be certain as its covered by bushes and debris.

Homeboy could use a hedge trimmer.

What makes this even more confusing is the fact that he knows how to groom himself, as his facial hair is…interesting.  For starters, it’s perfectly manicured into two bushes on either side of his face, separated by a strip of skin.  It’s what I can only assume is a landing strip of pleasure.  It’s like a backward version of a Brazilian.

The can in his hand tells me he knows how to party.  Is it a manly beer?  Pft!  Of course not.  It’s Margarita in a can…just like all the real men drink.

This margarita tells me he knows how to party, but is too lazy to make a batch himself (although I’m sure he’s made many batches of his own special sauce…if you know what I’m saying.)

Tinder Tuesday Hulke

Take another look!

Looking to the bottom left of the photo, I see floral cushions mimicking those from the set of “The Golden Girls.”  I suspect they may actually be from the 80s.  I also suspect they’ve seen more action than Blanche Deveraux, and probably have just as many STDs.

Mixed in with the cushions is what appears to be a giant inflatable wiener.  I’m not sure I know what to say about this.  It’s a giant inflatable wiener.  Nuff said.

As if an inflatable wiener amongst floral cushions isn’t odd enough…there’s an Asian umbrella.  Quite honestly, I expected to see an Asian umbrella in this photo, but I thought it would be in Mr. Love’s drink.  No such luck.

Maybe the umbrella means he cares about protection…or he likes tea at high noon.

And what kind of vessel is he riding?  (I  bet his pick up line would be something about how you should “ride his vessel.”)  It looks like he’s on a barge or large dock of some sort.

What’s particularly interesting is the fact that there is a pool on the vessel.   I’m not sure why he would need a body of water on top of another body of water.

The only logical conclusion is that he sweats profusely and likes to be near water to cool off and let his chest hair flow with the water.

It also looks like there’s a pole in the background to the right.  I can’t tell what’s flying from it but one thing’s for sure:  it’s his freak flag.

What’s also funny is the fact there are people in the background who don’t seem surprised or shocked that a sweaty and hairy beast in a sequined thong is drinking a can of margaritas.

I’m not sure what kind of party this is and I can’t decide if I want to be invited.

I bet there’s crabs in the water.

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Do you love my blog? Do you love Tinder Tuesdays?  Then please share me so others can get in on the fun!  Post me on Facebook, email my blog to friends…whatever.

Just don’t sign me up for Tinder.  I will seriously cut you if you do.

18 Thoughts on “The Third Edition of Tinder Tuesdays!

  1. Pullllllease, Girl!!! Is this the way you want to celebrate your birthday??? Shame, shame, shame on you! But HAPPY, HAPPY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY to you anyway! Where in the hell do you find these losers? Do you actually want me to visit Memory Lane and think of the “prizes” that I went out with when I was “young and dumb” until I turned 40??? Or–never mind. I’ll stick to the G-rated–even though I’m a Good Girl Gone Bad. Yay! It is 5:46 a.m. in Sacramento. It hit about 111 degrees yesterday. It’s a sauna out here! Send that flood water and a few racks of those famous ribs!!! We’ll take it! I am doing my Stepford Wifey thang so that I can go out and play as soon as possible. Help me! Help me! I am laughing so hard at your Birthday Post that I am crying. I am exhausted. Forget the Stepford Wifey gig. I should know better than to start my mornings with you, but your humor is soooooo addicting! Let me give you some advice. When it’s your birthday, MILK THE WHOLE MONTH. Go to all your favorite restaurants and tell them that it’s your birthday. Have everyone sing to you! Get free desserts! Hit everyone you know with the puppy dog eyes (woe ist me) and hit them for free lunch/dinner, presents, diamonds, airline points, etc. I’d hit the co-dependents in my family first. They’re the one with the fat wallets. Yes, I am brutally selfish. I’m never gonna change! Anyway, I did it all for my birthday in May. I’m sitting on my hands because I went all out and bought things for ME. So now, I am sitting on my hands because CHASE just loves, loves, loves me and my pension. Oh, well. Birthdays only come once a year. Happy Birthday to you, Lisa. And many, many, many more.
    Arlene Poma just rambled about…Dried California Chiles Enchilada Sauce and Crock Pot Stacked EnchiladasMy Profile

    • I totally milk my birthday. Growing up, your birthday was YOUR day and it was a huge deal. I still feel like it is even as an adult. Matt’s birthday is three days after mine so we always do stuff together and milk the whole week. Today we spent the morning at the spa and then went out to lunch, He’s currently napping.

      We’re both going to dominate some more cookie cake later.
      Lisa Newlin just rambled about…The Third Edition of Tinder Tuesdays!My Profile

  2. I.. I kind of want to meet him. Not for a date! I’m just reeeeeeal curious.
    Jenn @ Something Clever 2.0 just rambled about…Hey, Who Wants to Watch Me Get a Mammogram?!My Profile

  3. The scary thing is…..these people live among us!!

    Happy Birthday, Lisa! I hope your day is beautiful.

  4. Happy birthday! Hope it’s full of sparkly underwear and margaritas!
    I come from a family of freakshows so I immediately love this guy. Hairy trail and all. I would live to share a beerita on the “lanai” ala Golden Girls and just get funky!

    • I love that you know the word “lanai!” They used to call it that all the time and I always wondered what it was and why they couldn’t just say porch, or back room. Maybe they were just too fancy for us…much like this guy,

  5. Happy Birthday, Lisa! Love your Tinder Tuesdays. 🙂
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  6. Love the Tinder Tuesdays! Happy birthday, Lisa.
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    • I’m so glad you enjoy Tinder Tuesdays! I’m having a blast with them, although I’m a little concerned at how much material there is out there for me to make fun of.

      See you next Tuesday!

  7. Love that he is holding a margarita in a can! Of course…
    Kate just rambled about…This was my weekendMy Profile

  8. Is that a tattoo of the Incredible Hulk on his upper left pec? Two words: panty dropper.

    • EXCELLENT POINT ABOUT THE TATTOO! I wanted to write about that part but even when I zoomed in I couldn’t tell what it was. Your eyesight is better than mine.

      And you’re right…panty dropper for sure.

  9. I am crying…not only because you slay me every time, but because i am fairly certain our hirsute friend here is–AHEM–tucked. That’s the only way all that…THAT could fit into such a tidy little bedazzled man thong.
    PS
    Praise Heavens I have no need to be on Tinder
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    • I’m so glad you like these! I LOVE writing them so I’m happy they make people laugh.

      And I never thought about it, but you’re totally right about the “tuck job.” It’s the only explanation for why there’s only a small bulge….that’s just his pubes!

      I told Matt that if anything ever happens to him, I’m not dating again. I couldn’t survive Tinder.

  10. I can’t decide what I like best: the sequined man thong, the man bush, or the lady pleaser. This is one spectacular find!
    Foxy Wine Pocket just rambled about…You Know You Want It: Sunday Sauce(d)My Profile

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