funny crap my husband says, july 2014My husband frequently blurts out nuggets of wisdom, most of which are unintentional, all of which are hilarious.  I’m not sure where he comes up with this crap.  I probably don’t want to know.

Either way, here’s the monthly installment of some of the ridiculous things he’s said in the past month.

And no, he wasn’t drunk when he said any of them.  It’s a fair question.

Millionaire

Lisa:  “Do you know what swagbucks are?”

Matt:  “No.  But I figure I must have at least a million of them in the bank.”

Dating Coach

Matt:  “Tinder is like Match.com minus the dignity.”

Musician

Lisa:  “You don’t know this band?”

Matt:  “No.”

Lisa:  “It’s Color Me Badd.”

Matt:  “Well, color me embarrassed.”

photo 1Pool Boy

Matt:  “There’s a difference between peeing in the pool and peeing into the pool  One is way more subtle.”

Foodie

Matt:  “I had a dream we went to a strip club for lunch and we had the buffet.”

Lisa:  “That sounds….interesting.

Matt:  “Yeah.  I wanted to go there for lunch today but I know the buffet isn’t on your diet.”

TV Critic

Lisa:  “You don’t like Cosmos?”

Matt:  “No.  It’s too much animation.  Just tell me the things.”

21 Thoughts on “Funny Crap My Husband Says: July 2014 edition

  1. The pee in the pool one was totally my favorite. 😉

  2. I love your husband, and I don’t mean that in a creepy, swinger way.
    Lisa R. Petty just rambled about…Undercover MalteseMy Profile

    • It’s okay if you mean it in a creepy swinger way. It’s somehow a compliment!

      Isn’t that guy hilarious? We laugh so hard every day. I have no idea how I met my perfect match. Just don’t tell him!

  3. Gotta agree with the cosmos comment!
    jessica @scienceofparenthood.com just rambled about…What to Say To Your Child … When Your Child Is Blathering On and On and ON About MinecraftMy Profile

  4. Benny Zusman (definitely NOT just a fake name that rhymes with my real one) on July 13, 2014 at 10:15 pm said:

    Your husband sounds like a real piece of work.

  5. Benny Zusman (definitely NOT just a fake name that rhymes with my real one) on July 13, 2014 at 10:18 pm said:

    And please disregard that photo attached to my comments. I’ve obviously been hacked.

  6. I can’t decide between the peeing in pool or strip club. Though it’s entirely possible I was drunk when I commented.

    Your husband is hilarious!
    Kim just rambled about…You’re A Fart Smeller!My Profile

  7. Buffets for the win! LOL your husband is a riot!
    Pattie just rambled about…Ten Things of Thankful #1My Profile

    • Can you even imagine eating at a buffet at a strip club? What would they even serve?!

      I’m glad you liked this round. My husband is pretty darn funny….I just don’t like him to know that. Pretty soon he’ll think he can write his own blog. 😉

  8. Does he have a brother?

    • Ha! He actually has two brothers, but I can assure you, you wouldn’t be interested….he’s kind of the black sheep of the family. I can’t begin to tell you how much we laugh together though. I’m fine with him being the “odd one.” I guess I’m odd too!

  9. A buffet at a strip club raises several possibilities – none of them failing to trigger my gag reflex.
    SmackOfHam (John) just rambled about…The Blackout! Book Available Now! – eBookMy Profile

  10. You’re hubby is cute! And so is mine! Don’t mind me. I earned Cougar Status many, many, moons ago because older men are no challenge for me. Except getting into their wallets. Had plenty of practice on Daddy. I look, drool and imagine when I see younger men–but I don’t TOUCH. I am MARRIED. Since I am 5’2″ and 125 lbs. (on my good days), I also fear getting beat up by the woman he has on his arm. Worse scenario? All the babes he has in hiding! Don’t wanna get beat up and die from a pack of angry, possessive women–that’s for sure!
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  11. Oh, Matthew… Your infinite words of wisdom have seeped themselves into my life so subtly… yet so effectively…

    Is that the creepiest thing I could have possibly said about your husband?

    No.
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  12. I could totally hear my husband lobbying for the strip club buffet…diet or no diet! You husband is hilarious!
    Sandy Ramsey just rambled about…What Thigh Gap? I HaveThigh HarmonyMy Profile

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