funny crap my husband says, july 2014My husband frequently blurts out nuggets of wisdom, most of which are unintentional, all of which are hilarious.  I’m not sure where he comes up with this crap.  I probably don’t want to know.

Either way, here’s the monthly installment of some of the ridiculous things he’s said in the past month.

And no, he wasn’t drunk when he said any of them.  It’s a fair question.

Millionaire

Lisa:  “Do you know what swagbucks are?”

Matt:  “No.  But I figure I must have at least a million of them in the bank.”

Dating Coach

Matt:  “Tinder is like Match.com minus the dignity.”

Musician

Lisa:  “You don’t know this band?”

Matt:  “No.”

Lisa:  “It’s Color Me Badd.”

Matt:  “Well, color me embarrassed.”

photo 1Pool Boy

Matt:  “There’s a difference between peeing in the pool and peeing into the pool  One is way more subtle.”

Foodie

Matt:  “I had a dream we went to a strip club for lunch and we had the buffet.”

Lisa:  “That sounds….interesting.

Matt:  “Yeah.  I wanted to go there for lunch today but I know the buffet isn’t on your diet.”

TV Critic

Lisa:  “You don’t like Cosmos?”

Matt:  “No.  It’s too much animation.  Just tell me the things.”