Since I’m always on the cutting edge of fashion, allow me to introduce you to the next new fashion craze: eye patches.
Ok. Maybe the fashion world hasn’t been made aware of this new trend but they’re sure to catch wind of it soon. Hopefully it’s a pleasant wind when it blows their way.
As some of you may know, shingles bitch-slapped me across the face. Yes, my face. Most people get them on their hip or back, but I prefer to wear my afflictions on my face.
Unfortunately, the shingles spread to my eyes and it was actually quite serious. I’m still recovering but it’s a painfully slow process, mostly because I have a large bandage on my forehead and I’m caught up on all the episodes of “The Mindy Project.”
The worst part is that it’s all over the cornea of my left eye. What does that mean? It means I feel like someone is stabbing me in the eyeball and I have a headache you can’t imagine.
I’m also extremely sensitive to light and sometimes my eye swells completely shut. In light of this, my doctor suggested an eye patch to protect my cornea and let me heal (and to spare others from seeing my gross eye).
Because I’m frugal, I decided to fashion my own eye patch out of a scrap of yarn I had from when I tried a new crochet stitch. I connected it to a headband and had an adjustable eye patch for free. I was pumped!
My husband, however was not. He bought me a real eye patch, which lacks the creativity and pizzazz of my original creation.
I hate the eye patch but it’s necessary. So in an effort to make me feel better about my new accessory, I looked for inspiration from others who wear eye patches.
Knowing there are others out there suffering helps me get through this.
It doesn’t take away the pain, but Percocet does that.
Here’s a few.
One-eyed Willie: I’m not sure why he needs an eye patch at all. He is a skeleton who doesn’t have eyeballs. I’m not sure what purpose the patch serves other than to make him look like a badass. If that is its purpose, it’s a success.
Captain Morgan: He looks pretty good in his patch. I suspect he suffered an injury while on the high seas, which is why he has the “captain” moniker. I also suspect he suffers from my eye pain as well. Fortunately, we both handle it the same way: with liquor.
Patch Adams: Okay, he doesn’t have a patch but it’s in his name so I had to include him.
Patch from “Days of our Lives”: I remember him from when I was a kid. He was covered in leather from eye to toe. He made women swoon and cattle fear for their hides.
Captain Ron: He’s everyone’s favorite captain (second only to Morgan). Perhaps his lack of boating skills is because he only has one good eye. It’s either that or he uses the patch because he lost his sunglasses.
In light of these characters who also wear eye patches I’m feeling a little better about my new accessory.
But really, it’s going to be the next big thing. Just you wait.