Matt in seattleYou know him as the witty guy who makes you laugh with unintentionally funny comments.  I know him as the guy who’s always trying to touch my boobs.

Either way, he’s back for the April edition of more “funny crap my husband says when he’s not at all trying to be funny.”

The only thing that would make these posts better would be if you could see his face immediately after he drops these nuggets of wisdom.  It’s even funnier than the nuggets themselves.

Dare Devil

Lisa: “I want to start a movement for adult ‘Double Dare.'”
Matt:  “They have that already. It’s called an orgy.”

IMG_4952Nature Lover

Matt: “I saw some squirrels either wrestling or doing a mating dance.
Lisa: “Did you watch it?”
Matt:  “No. If it was a mating dance I’d feel creepy.”

Keen Sense of Smell

Matt:  “Did you fart?”
Lisa:  “No.”
Matt: “Oh god. Is that my fart I’m smelling? It’s horrible. It smells like dirty eggs.”

Non-judgmental Observer

Matt:  “Look at that couple. Couple of losers.”

Pessimist

Matt:  “All I ever asked was for you to accept me for who I am.”
Lisa:  “I thought you were going to go with ‘love you.'”
Matt:  <whispers and looks down> “I gave up on that long ago.”

IMG_5093D.A.R.E Advocate

Matt: “Meth: come for the weight loss stay for the tooth loss.”

Humble Guy

Matt: “No one is perfect. I have my faults.”
Lisa: “What are they?”
Matt: “I can’t think of any right now.”

Hipster

Matt: “I don’t understand kids today with their MySpace and their complicated pants.”

Penny Pincher

Matt: “There’s two things I don’t pay for: sex and parking.”

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Other places you can find me on the web this week

You can find me this week at NickMom talking about how preschools are just like wineries.

You can also buy the new book I’m in here.