Either way, he’s back for the April edition of more “funny crap my husband says when he’s not at all trying to be funny.”
The only thing that would make these posts better would be if you could see his face immediately after he drops these nuggets of wisdom. It’s even funnier than the nuggets themselves.
Lisa: “I want to start a movement for adult ‘Double Dare.'”
Matt: “They have that already. It’s called an orgy.”
Matt: “I saw some squirrels either wrestling or doing a mating dance.”
Lisa: “Did you watch it?”
Matt: “No. If it was a mating dance I’d feel creepy.”
Keen Sense of Smell
Matt: “Did you fart?”
Matt: “Oh god. Is that my fart I’m smelling? It’s horrible. It smells like dirty eggs.”
Matt: “Look at that couple. Couple of losers.”
Matt: “All I ever asked was for you to accept me for who I am.”
Lisa: “I thought you were going to go with ‘love you.'”
Matt: <whispers and looks down> “I gave up on that long ago.”
Matt: “Meth: come for the weight loss stay for the tooth loss.”
Matt: “No one is perfect. I have my faults.”
Lisa: “What are they?”
Matt: “I can’t think of any right now.”
Matt: “I don’t understand kids today with their MySpace and their complicated pants.”
Matt: “There’s two things I don’t pay for: sex and parking.”
Other places you can find me on the web this week
You can find me this week at NickMom talking about how preschools are just like wineries.
You can also buy the new book I’m in here.