the fat taxIt’s tax season once again.  Normally I like the change in seasons as it gives me an excuse to buy new clothes to keep with the trends*, but tax season is no such fun.

*SPOILER ALERT:  The trends are always Pajama Jeans.

Come to think of it, I still buy new clothes when tax season comes around.  I can’t be expected to look at W2s in last year’s sweatpants.

All this talk of taxes and deductions (and clothes purchases) got me thinking about my waistline and how I need to reduce that along with my adjusted gross income.  If only it was that easy.

Sure, I could eat healthier.  I could, but I won’t.  I’d like to tell you that I’m going to make a conscious effort to limit myself to only 3 Oreos per night, but I’d also like to not make myself into a liar.

photo credit: 401(K) 2013 via photopin cc

photo credit: 401(K) 2013 via photopin cc

I’d like to tell you that instead of potato chips, I’ll eat kale chips instead.  However, baked weeds don’t have the same flavor as fried potatoes, so I can’t tell you such a thing.

And yes, potatoes are vegetables.  I googled it.

Since I’m not willing to eat roughage and limit my intake of processed foods,  I figured maybe I would focus on exercise and going to the gym.  As many of you know, I used to be quite the gym-goer.

Once a week makes you a regular gym-goer, right?

photo credit: I like via photopin cc

photo credit: I like via photopin cc

From personal training to zumba classes, I used to take a more active role in…well…being active.  Lately?  Not so much.  Granted, I’ve had health issues that have prevented my from hitting the gym, but those issues haven’t affected me for the past 10 years in that way…I just don’t like to go and I’m not going to start now.

So what to do?  Nothing.  I’m going to do nothing.

Maybe my monthly gym membership is just a tax.  A fine I have to pay for being fat.

A part of me wants to concede my defeat and cancel the membership entirely.  It’s not like I’m walking around in a size 0 pair of sweats.  My double chin tells the world I see the inside of a potato chip bag much more than the inside of the gym.

photo credit: stephenvance via photopin cc

photo credit: stephenvance via photopin cc

And yet, my gym membership remains active…unlike me.

Instead of making the effort to go to the gym and cancel my membership (there’s steps, so it’s a workout just to go there), I’ve decided to call it my “fat tax” and leave it at that.

There are taxes on all sorts of things in our great nation and this is just going to be another one of those things.  People pay additional taxes on cigarettes and alcohol.  Why not pay a tax on being fat?

If it means I can sit at home, watch “The Bachelor” and not feel guilty about avoiding the gym, then I’m all for levying this tax against me.

Hopefully it comes with a complimentary bag of chips…and Oreos.


10 Thoughts on “The Fat Tax

  1. I’ve decided my exercise is climbing the stairs multiple friggen times a day while on campus and also walking 1/4 to 1/2 a mile ONE WAY either to or from my car four days a week. Add in a heavy messenger bag and damn it, it counts.

    Okay so I’ve gained 10 pounds recently but that just means I need to cut back a leetle bit and be a little less of lardbutt. It can be done! Oh look at that…Nilla wafers. What was I saying?
    Kim just rambled about…UP Big Boy No. 4014 Headed HomeMy Profile

    • I like your thoughts about exercise. Sometimes when I get winded by doing the simplest of things I think “well, that’s my cardio for the day.” The sad thing is that it happens with the smallest of tasks…like dusting.

  2. There is something about your “ah, screw it” approach that resounds with me – sometimes, you just gave to know yourself.
    SmackOfHam just rambled about…Daddy Daughter DanceMy Profile

    • I take the “ah, screw it” approach to many things in my life. I find it keeps me balanced. Strangely enough, I actually went to the gym this morning. It’s not going to be a regular thing…don’t you worry!

  3. I do love me some Oreos. Three is never enough. Personally, I feel like Feb. is too early to start thinking about waistlines. That’s what big bulky sweaters and Snuggies are for. I need the onset of warmer weather and flimsy t-shirts to motivate me to put down the cheese and pick up the kale.
    Leslie just rambled about…Snowpocalypse, the State of Blogging, and Sausage FestMy Profile

    • I agree completely. Do you know what my husband and I recently discovered? The hoodie/footie. It’s possibly the best invention since the Snuggie, and the Snuggie was pure brilliance. Please google it and then purchase it immediately.

  4. Dammit, Lisa. Now I want cookies.

  5. OMG, can I be your sister wife??? I will pull those oreos apart, and ADD extra filling and feed them to you, with milk, full of chocolate syrup just so I can be near you.

    Not in the creepy way…

    ok… a little… but I have cookies, so there is that.
    Magnolia Ripkin just rambled about…Your Communication Style – A Guide for the ChallengedMy Profile

    • Of course you can be my sister wife…especially if you fill me with Oreos and extra filling. I think that’s a solid foundation for a lasting marriage…and then I can sleep alone too. It’s a win-win for all of us…in a non-creepy way, of course.

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