It’s tax season once again. Normally I like the change in seasons as it gives me an excuse to buy new clothes to keep with the trends*, but tax season is no such fun.
*SPOILER ALERT: The trends are always Pajama Jeans.
Come to think of it, I still buy new clothes when tax season comes around. I can’t be expected to look at W2s in last year’s sweatpants.
All this talk of taxes and deductions (and clothes purchases) got me thinking about my waistline and how I need to reduce that along with my adjusted gross income. If only it was that easy.
Sure, I could eat healthier. I could, but I won’t. I’d like to tell you that I’m going to make a conscious effort to limit myself to only 3 Oreos per night, but I’d also like to not make myself into a liar.
I’d like to tell you that instead of potato chips, I’ll eat kale chips instead. However, baked weeds don’t have the same flavor as fried potatoes, so I can’t tell you such a thing.
And yes, potatoes are vegetables. I googled it.
Since I’m not willing to eat roughage and limit my intake of processed foods, I figured maybe I would focus on exercise and going to the gym. As many of you know, I used to be quite the gym-goer.
Once a week makes you a regular gym-goer, right?
From personal training to zumba classes, I used to take a more active role in…well…being active. Lately? Not so much. Granted, I’ve had health issues that have prevented my from hitting the gym, but those issues haven’t affected me for the past 10 years in that way…I just don’t like to go and I’m not going to start now.
So what to do? Nothing. I’m going to do nothing.
Maybe my monthly gym membership is just a tax. A fine I have to pay for being fat.
A part of me wants to concede my defeat and cancel the membership entirely. It’s not like I’m walking around in a size 0 pair of sweats. My double chin tells the world I see the inside of a potato chip bag much more than the inside of the gym.
And yet, my gym membership remains active…unlike me.
Instead of making the effort to go to the gym and cancel my membership (there’s steps, so it’s a workout just to go there), I’ve decided to call it my “fat tax” and leave it at that.
There are taxes on all sorts of things in our great nation and this is just going to be another one of those things. People pay additional taxes on cigarettes and alcohol. Why not pay a tax on being fat?
If it means I can sit at home, watch “The Bachelor” and not feel guilty about avoiding the gym, then I’m all for levying this tax against me.
Hopefully it comes with a complimentary bag of chips…and Oreos.