Once again, I’m amazed at the ridiculous things my husband says, although I’m more amazed that he never realizes it’s ridiculous until after I point it out.
Here they are. Enjoy. And remember that I’m the lucky one who gets to be married to this guy.
You = jealous.
Matt: “Are you coming to the potluck? I told them we’d bring a ham.”
Lisa: “You volunteered me to make a ham?! I don’t have time to do that.”
Matt: “Oh, then you shouldn’t come. People are going to be pissed when they realize you didn’t make a ham.”
Matt: “Do you know what’s in falafel?”
Lisa: “Yes. They’re delicious.”
Matt: “I had no idea they were fried chick peas.”
Lisa: “What did you think falafel was?”
Matt: “I thought it was a waffely sandwich. Come to think of it, that also sounds delicious.”
Matt: “I have a weird thing on the top of my mouth.”
Lisa: “What is it?”
Matt: “I don’t know. That’s why I called it a ‘weird thing’ and not a ‘such and such.'”
Flight attendant: “Let’s give our military on the plane a round of applause for all they do.”
Matt: “I clapped longer than anyone else. That means I care more about the troops than everyone else. Obvy.”
Lisa: “Didn’t we say ‘with this ring I thee wed?'”
Matt: “I don’t know.” <whispers> “I was lost in your eyes.”