photo credit: Kevin_Morris via photopin cc

photo credit: Kevin_Morris via photopin cc

I fly fairly regularly both for work and for pleasure.

SIDENOTE: I hate it when people say “for pleasure” because that sounds creepy.  It sounds like they’re going to an orgy or a porno convention.  (That was last month, by the way.)

I often travel the friendly skies, and I’ve noticed a thing or two about flying.  For starters, I’ve noticed the friendly skies are much more friendly when they’re viewed through vodka-hazed eyes.

One of the other things I’ve noticed (aside from the small portion sizes of alcohol), is there are two different levels of travelers when it comes to airlines; first class and economy.

We all know what first class is.  It’s for those far superior to everyone else, or at least that’s what they tell me as I’m being escorted out of their bathroom.

Don’t judge.  They have perfumed soap in there.

You know this bitch is flying first class. photo credit: partymonstrrrr via photopin cc

You know this bitch is flying first class.
photo credit: partymonstrrrr via photopin cc

Since there’s first class, that means coach/economy is really just another name for “second class.” Although I appreciate not being called “second class” I’m not sure being called “economy class” is much better.

Every time I wait in line to board, they call all first class passengers and allow them to board first.  I guess it makes sense that if that’s why they’re called “first” class, but why are the rest of us called “economy?”

Isn’t that kind of a crappy moniker?

For those of you living in your parents’ basement because the bottom dropped out of your scented diaper invention, you know the economy sucks at the moment.  You also know that adding a rose-scented fragrance to diapers literally makes people’s shit smell like roses.

It also makes you vomit immediately every time you pass a bouquet of flowers.

Either way, the “economy” label is especially offensive.  It’s basically another way of reminding us that me-maw can’t afford her house anymore and has to move into the basement with Uncle Jeb.

As if the lack of birthday cards with a $5.00 check weren’t enough of a reminder that me-maw’s decision to invest in blow up furniture wasn’t her best financial plan.

So let’s change the world one label at a time.  Dear reader, let’s make this our life’s mission: to change these obnoxious monikers.

Instead of economy, maybe it could be called “somewhat normal people who have to fly and deserve to have toilet paper in their restroom too.”

Perhaps a more appropriate term for first class would be “those flying for work and sticking it to their boss by purchasing a higher priced ticket” or “men with tiny peckers who want to feel important.”

Or maybe just “douchebags.”  Whatever works.

12 Thoughts on “Second Class Economy or First Class Douche?

  1. LOL – love it. Read to hubby. AND I hate potpourri in bathrooms because it ruins the real smell..for real!
    Julie DeNeen just rambled about…A Review of 12 Years a Slave | A Haunting StoryMy Profile

  2. I was so rooting for you, Lisa, but then it dawned on me that I haven’t flown since my honeymoon 11 plus years ago. I’m too poor to go anywhere via airplane, so on some level I guess I’m below economy class and now I feel as though you have judged me and my non flying peoples. Shame on you, economy class elitist douche.
    Don just rambled about…Just a tiny more ranting and happy halloween…My Profile

  3. We should keep the economy label for some things. Buying economy-size makes me feel like a whiskey and cheese stick millionaire.

    I recently learned when flight attendants come around to collect your garbage at the end of the flight, they’re not really asking for “your trash” they are telling you “you’re trash.” It’s apparently some kind of inside flight attendant coping mechanism.
    Brian just rambled about…70s Music Death MarchMy Profile

    • Why didn’t I think about the economy label for food and buying in bulk? Brian, I tell you, I might be losing my edge. I’m glad I have people like you to keep me on my toes and remind me that buying cheese in bulk is ALWAYS a good idea. Always.

  4. As someone who has made the walk through the first class cabin past the complimentary-juice-drinking, Newsweek-reading bourgeois, I couldn’t agree with you more. Although one time I was upgraded into first class for some reason and I had the same opinion about the dregs of society who travel poverty, er, economy class. Enjoyed the read!
    SmackOfHam (John) just rambled about…The Pumpkin CarvingMy Profile

  5. Finally, a funny blog! Thank you, Lisa. I was browsing the net for something addressing the newest “VIP,” “trash class” phenom in my area (Bradenton FL) to motivate me to write a letter to the editor. Your blog qualifies! I even signed up for more.

    • Wonderful! I’m so glad you stumbled across my blog and it’s something you enjoyed! Hopefully I will continue to bring the entertainment. Now go write that letter to the editor! 🙂

  6. Just got lucky and flew first class for the first time today. What is the deal with keeping the bathroom segregated? I went to the front and the attendant asked me what seat I was in! Then when I said, she got all fawning like ‘oh people look different when they stand up.’ It was nice having the big seat, but the attendants coming around to kiss my foot every five minutes got annoying, and it’s crazy to put out a napkin on the tray and use real dishes to serve their horrible food. I have never experienced the rude passengers people complain about–until today. Apparently they are in first class. This guy just dropped his trash everywhere, took off his shoes and stuck them under my part of the seat, and had to be asked Many times to turn off his laptop. I flew first class–and it made me feel dirty. It’s unAmerican!!

    • OMG! If those sweaty feet came anywhere near me I would have lost my mind. Maybe that’s what the smell was?! I’ve always wondered what it was like to be in first class but I think you’ve convinced me I just need to stay where I belong in coach.

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