865You guys have been asking for it. Okay, so not like how when I was a kid and my dad would tell me I was asking for it whenever I did something bad (which was a lot).  In that case “it” was being grounded and then forced to do manual labor…like painting the deck.

I don’t think my dad had any idea what I was really asking for.  <HINT:  It was a new car.>

Apparently my dad was just really bad at reading me.

In this case, you guys have been asking for it, but you haven’t been “cruisin’ for a bruisin'” as my dad used to say.  You’ve been asking for an updated version of “Shit my husband says.”

Because I’m good to you, and because I don’t have any manual labor that you guys would actually do, I’ve decided to give in to your request.

Without any further delay, I give you an updated version of random crap my husband said.

Sadly, each of these comments are 100% true, which is why I’m 100% embarrassed.

Back CameraPhilosopher

Matt: “Have you ever heard the phrase ‘To each his own?‘”

Lisa: “Yeah.  Have you ever heard the phrase ‘Shut the f*ck up?'”

Matt:  “Yeah.”  <looks down and whispers softly> “You say it to me regularly.”

Medicine Man

Lisa:  “What would you say if they tell me I have cancer?”

Matt: “Well fuck, it’s cancer.  I guess we have to roll with it now.”

Man of the Cloth

Matt: “One of the Commandments says you shouldn’t covet your neighbor’s wife.  Why would you covet his wife?  Why not just bang her?  It’s all the same sin in God’s eyes.”

Back CameraMan of Many Words

Matt:  “I totally didn’t say something creepy.  Wait.  What did I say?”

Coffee Expert

Lisa:  “I want a latte.”

Matt:  “Latte means ‘milk’ in Spanish.”

Lisa:  “No it doesn’t.  ‘Leche’ means milk in Spanish.

Matt:  “Like I said, ‘leche’ means milk.  It comes from the old English word, ‘latte.'”

Germaphobe

Lisa: “Ew.  Get your finger out of my face.  I don’t know where it’s been.”

Matt:  “What do you mean, you don’t know where it’s been?  It’s been on my hand.”

918

I always like to include a picture of us at the end to show you that we really do like each other. Please disregard my shiny face in this photo. I just lubed up on sunscreen. Don’t judge.

 

16 Thoughts on “Funny things my husband said: November 2013 edition

  1. LOL! You guys are fricken hilarious! Good thing you guys have fun together!
    Kim just rambled about…Settling for MediocrityMy Profile

  2. I love the philosopher. Totally cracks me up.
    Rhonda just rambled about…Rewarding Bad Grades: Something Parents Should ConsiderMy Profile

  3. Yeah….finger on his hand…..I spit coffee all over my screen……….You just can’t make that stuff up!

  4. You should have a contest where the winner gets to sit around a fire pit and drink beer with your husband while he says stuff and I should be the winner so I can drink beer by a fire pit with your husband while he says stuff.

  5. He’s adorable! And funny! and he’s totally right about that commandment — why mess around with coveting? If’ you’re gonna sin, go for it!
    Darcy Perdu (So Then Stories) just rambled about…What the Hell Just HIT Me?My Profile

  6. Amazing as usual! I love the “You say it to me regularly.”
    Kate just rambled about…Hop aboard the reading train…My Profile

  7. Ok, so this is just awesome. Husbands are crazy, I am convinced mine exists entirely for my amusement. Sounds like you have the same thing going on 🙂
    TAM just rambled about…A serious lack of TURKEYS…..My Profile

  8. Hilarious, as always.

  9. Awww on the head down whispering thing, lol. I came over to wish you happy holidays. 🙂
    Rosey just rambled about…Selecting the TreeMy Profile

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