photo credit: Kevin_Morris via photopin cc

photo credit: Kevin_Morris via photopin cc

I fly fairly regularly both for work and for pleasure.

SIDENOTE: I hate it when people say “for pleasure” because that sounds creepy.  It sounds like they’re going to an orgy or a porno convention.  (That was last month, by the way.)

I often travel the friendly skies, and I’ve noticed a thing or two about flying.  For starters, I’ve noticed the friendly skies are much more friendly when they’re viewed through vodka-hazed eyes.

One of the other things I’ve noticed (aside from the small portion sizes of alcohol), is there are two different levels of travelers when it comes to airlines; first class and economy.

We all know what first class is.  It’s for those far superior to everyone else, or at least that’s what they tell me as I’m being escorted out of their bathroom.

Don’t judge.  They have perfumed soap in there.

You know this bitch is flying first class. photo credit: partymonstrrrr via photopin cc

You know this bitch is flying first class.
photo credit: partymonstrrrr via photopin cc

Since there’s first class, that means coach/economy is really just another name for “second class.” Although I appreciate not being called “second class” I’m not sure being called “economy class” is much better.

Every time I wait in line to board, they call all first class passengers and allow them to board first.  I guess it makes sense that if that’s why they’re called “first” class, but why are the rest of us called “economy?”

Isn’t that kind of a crappy moniker?

For those of you living in your parents’ basement because the bottom dropped out of your scented diaper invention, you know the economy sucks at the moment.  You also know that adding a rose-scented fragrance to diapers literally makes people’s shit smell like roses.

It also makes you vomit immediately every time you pass a bouquet of flowers.

Either way, the “economy” label is especially offensive.  It’s basically another way of reminding us that me-maw can’t afford her house anymore and has to move into the basement with Uncle Jeb.

As if the lack of birthday cards with a $5.00 check weren’t enough of a reminder that me-maw’s decision to invest in blow up furniture wasn’t her best financial plan.

So let’s change the world one label at a time.  Dear reader, let’s make this our life’s mission: to change these obnoxious monikers.

Instead of economy, maybe it could be called “somewhat normal people who have to fly and deserve to have toilet paper in their restroom too.”

Perhaps a more appropriate term for first class would be “those flying for work and sticking it to their boss by purchasing a higher priced ticket” or “men with tiny peckers who want to feel important.”

Or maybe just “douchebags.”  Whatever works.