***This is a post from earlier this year.  I am reposting it because it could have been written yesterday…or last week…or today.  This is mostly just sad for me, but hopefully it will be entertaining for you.  

Grab a napkin and enjoy.  

Ew.  Not like that. ***

cupcake2

The empty container that formerly held goodness.

I know I should be mortified.  I should be disgusted with myself.  I know these things, and yet I feel nothing but satisfaction.

Maybe this is how Taylor Swift feels whenever she puts out a new album.  (Sidebar:  I secretly like most of her songs, but I will never publicly admit it.  She’s just a country girl looking for love.)

Anyway, back to me, where the focus should always be.  (That rhymes.)

Why am I ashamed? Because I ate an entire container of mini cupcakes.

Impressed?  You should be.

Granted, it wasn’t in one sitting, but it was within a 24 hour period, which I find both depressing and exciting.  The fat girl in me is proud of the accomplishment while the skinny girl in me is horrified and repulsed.

Fortunately, the skinny girl in me is squashed and practically crushed by the fat girl, so she can shut the f*#k up and keep her opinions to herself.  (She also needs to eat a ham sandwich.)

I’m saying this is a good thing and I don’t care what skinny people say…not even my husband.

Don't look at me with those judging eyes.  I've seen you lick yourself.  You're no better than me. photo credit: This Year's Love via photopin cc

Don’t look at me with those judging eyes. I’ve seen you lick yourself. You’re no better than me.
photo credit: This Year’s Love via photopin cc

I didn’t do this tonight, but did it about 2.5 weeks ago.  As my loving blog followers know, I recently had surgery and had evil Stan the gallbladder removed.

That’s a pretty big deal, or at least that’s what I’m telling my husband.

I don’t ever want to move anything, lift anything, or carry anything ever again so I’m going to ride this surgery into the ground…or at least ride it to the store where I will stay in the car while he runs in to get milk because “I’m just so weak.”

This whole surgery thing is a built in excuse for life…or at least for a few months.

Either way, I legitimately had surgery and I have the scars to prove it.  They are both physical scars from the incisions and what I assume will be emotional scars that will come when I get the bills and realize I need a second job to pay them.  (I’m thinking something where I get to wear a uniform…but not a hat.)

Due to the physical and emotional trauma my body sustained, it needs time and energy to heal from the invasive surgery.

What better way to heal than with some pre-packaged chocolaty goodness from Target?  It’s the perfect medicine.

I know people say laughter is the best medicine, but those people haven’t tried these cupcakes.  They’re wayyyyy better.  (Incidentally, I also discovered through this whole gallbladder thing that Percocet is also the perfect medicine, assuming you don’t mind constipation, of course.)

photo credit: Frederic Poirot via photopin cc

This isn’t me in the photo. This chick and her skinny arms have never downed an entire container of cupcakes. That’s where we differ.
photo credit: Frederic Poirot via photopin cc

The cupcakes were amazing, and I contend they were good for me too.  I mean, the sustenance my body received from eating an entire 12 pack of mini cupcakes can’t be quantified.

Okay, well maybe it can technically be quantified by calories, fat, and number of tears cried when I realized I ate them all.

Whatever.  Each bite was more savory than the last, and if I had it to over again, I would absolutely eat the whole container again.

Actually, the only thing I would do differently is this time I would buy two containers.  Isn’t two always better than one?  (Except when it comes to STDs.  In that case, I would say one is better than two.  I would also say get to the clinic and get that taken care of, you dirty dog.)

So the next time you’re at Target and come across containers of mini cupcakes, grab one.  You won’t be sorry.  Then bring it to my house so I can down them all in one sitting.  After all, you didn’t even get me a “get well soon” gift.

FOR SHAME!

finished cupcakes

It was everything I thought it could be.

25 Thoughts on “I’m not ashamed…but I should be.

  1. Cupcakes cure EVERYTHING. ALL THE THINGS. 🙂
    Natalie – The Cat Lady Sings just rambled about…Speaking of Fashion Magazines…My Profile

  2. Wishing you speedy recovery from your surgery.
    Not sure I could eat 12 mini cupcakes.
    But I KNOW I could eat a pint of Ben & Jerry’s Super Fudge Chunk Ice Cream.
    Is this based on my amazing confidence — or on historical data?
    I’ll never tell.
    Darcy Perdu (So Then Stories) just rambled about…I Shall Staple it to his ForeheadMy Profile

  3. Lol, funny. The fat girl in me is currently crushing the skinny girl in me. Mostly with beer. Damn, I wish I had cupcakes 😉
    Running Mama just rambled about…The Escape ArtistMy Profile

  4. Oh those are single-serving containers, aren’t they? That’s how they look to me, anyway.
    On a side note. I don’t understand that photo. How is that girl simultaneously standing at the sink, and in the naughty corner?
    TriGirl just rambled about…I Raced the Athleta Iron Girl in August: this is the post about everything that happened before the race.My Profile

    • I also wondered the same thing about that photo! Is it her evil twin? Is it her imagination that she’s standing in the corner? Is it a time elapsed shot? So many questions! And yet, it was free, so I used it.

      It was intentional to get you to think.

      Whatever. You know better than that. It was free.

  5. Yes the fat girl in me is licking her lips.
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  6. I should introduce you to a packet of TimTams, once you have one….You are totally not alone on this one 🙂
    Alicia just rambled about…Memories with Dad #openslatherMy Profile

  7. Recovery be Damned! Eat those little morsels of dark creamy deliciousness. And do it in bed, with your fav show on, and a bell on the bedsted to call for more!
    A Pleasant House just rambled about…Hell On WheelsMy Profile

  8. Surgery is an excellent reason to eat an entire container of mini-cupcakes. You were bed-ridden, you were in pain, you needed to build up your strength. Any doctor will tell you so, I swear!
    Suzanne Lucas just rambled about…Dude, The Ground Just Swallowed Your CarMy Profile

    • You really are too good to me, Suzanne. You’re absolutely right on all points. You know what? It DID make me feel better. And now I have a sore throat and I’m thinking a cookie cake will do the trick. It’s for my throat, after all.

  9. The problem is…they are mini. Deceiving conniving little mini bitch cupcakes that make you feel like you aren’t eating that much.
    Julie DeNeen just rambled about…And the Two Shall Become One Flesh…My Profile

  10. The photo gave me the creeps! LOL Anyways, an entire container of mini cupcake is sometimes necessary in our life. Food for the soul. Puts a smile on our face. So they are totally justifiable. 🙂
    Have a speedy recovery!
    Jhanis just rambled about…Postcard Exchange: New ZealandMy Profile

  11. No one wants to have gallbladder surgery, but if you must, cupcakes do seem like the next logical step for a happy recovery. 😉
    Thank you for linking to Super Sunday Sync.
    Rosey just rambled about…Weekends are for Fun!My Profile

  12. Reminds me of that episode of Happy Days where Richie says he only had one little cup of beer. About twelve of ’em. Same thing. Only cupcakes. Which is WAY better. And when I had bunion surgery a few years back? I totally milked that shit. I got out of everything for as long as I could.
    Linda Roy – elleroy was here just rambled about…Chuck Norris Doesn’t Suck HIS Thumb!My Profile

  13. Lisa Newlin on June 30, 2014 at 10:55 pm said:

    While reading this, I ate a bowl of pasta, 8 meatballs, and had two glasses of wine.
    After reading this, I am eating Talenti Sea Salt and Caramel Gelato.
    What can I say, I’m a slow reader.

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