Funny things my husband said: The October 2013 edition
Based upon the demands of you guys, he keeps you laughing too.
Don’t tell him that.
Without any further hesitation, let’s get to the mockery, shall we?
A memory like a steel trap
Matt: ”I totally told you about this.”
Lisa: ”I don’t remember it.”
Matt: ”Okay, maybe I didn’t tell you, but whatever.”
Master of multi-tasking
“I just peed and took my contacts out at the same time. Hashtag allstar.”
A happy guy
Matt: ”Ew. Shady Jack’s lipstick is out again. It’s so gross.”
Lisa: “Just don’t look at it. It’s because he’s a happy dog.”
Matt: ”I’m a happy guy, but I don’t walk around with a boner.*”
*THIS IS DEBATABLE.*
A big dreamer
Matt: ”I had a dream that we got some really bad ass concert tickets from Steve Wozniak (co-founder of Apple).”
Lisa: ”That’s weird.”
Matt: ”Then he got me a really good deal on underwear. They were tighty whities, but still.”
Matt: “I have a lot of scars from karate.*** It’s okay though. Chicks dig scars.”
Lisa: ”How did you get scars from karate?”
Matt: “I got them from trying to break boards with my hands in karate.
<looks down and says under his breath>
“I was not successful.”
***In this conversation, he pronounced it as kah-rah-tay. Seriously.***
A needy guy
Matt: ”I need a new one of those air fresheners for my car.”
Lisa: ”Yeah, because you threw your last one away.”
Matt: ”That’s not relevant to this conversation. I need a new one.”
Lisa: ”What were we just talking about?”
Matt: ”The thing.”
Lisa: ”What thing?”
Matt: ”I don’t know, but it was definitely important.”