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No dog ingested beer or alcohol in conjunction with this photo or this post.
photo credit: Amarand Agasi via photopin cc

Dear beer,

I know I ‘m the last person you’re expecting to hear from.  Normally, my heart (and my liver) belong to vodka.  He’s always been my one true love and I’ve never hidden that fact from you.

I’ve passed you up a million times before last night.  I’ve walked right by you at bars, at parties, and even at BBQs.

I feel a little guilty about that but you’ve never been what I needed and I’ve never felt a desire to stray from my betrothed…until now.

Maybe it’s your curves, or maybe it’s your intoxicating smell, but something changed.  I’m finding myself drawn to you and I’m not sure why.

Maybe I’m getting tired of vodka.  He’s never been a cruel mistress (or mister), but perhaps I’m bored with him.

The alcohol is always colder on the other side of the bar.”

Isn’t that what they always say?

Maybe it’s true.  I’m not sure, but what I do know is I’m finding myself wondering what it would be like to spend more time with you and I’m wondering why we haven’t been closer before.

Sure, it’s most likely my fault.  You’re more than available.  I never have a hard time finding you at a sporting event, a wedding reception, or even the grocery store.

You’re not elusive like my dear vodka.  You’re everywhere.  I suspect that’s what pushed me away from you before.

But now…now it’s different.

beerI had a temporary moment of weakness last night and I gave into my urges and I just wanted to tell you thank you.  Thank you for last night. I had such an amazing time.

You were incredible.

Especially now that I know what we can be together, I’m sorry I initially resisted the urge to see you, but I’m glad I caved to peer pressure.

I had a long day yesterday and needed to relax. All the other beverages told me not to turn to you, which was mostly the cause for my hesitation.

They said you wouldn’t treat me right.

My stomach even chimed in, saying you were too rough on her sometimes.  She’s finicky so I didn’t take her pleas too seriously.

Dear beerVodka screamed the loudest.  He can be a needy sonofabitch.

Like the ever controlling paramour, he tried to point out that sometimes you make me feel like I hit my head repeatedly against the wall.

I promptly reminded him that feeling doesn’t come until the morning after we hang out, and it’s only if I spend a lot of time with you.  I told him I wouldn’t do that.

Just a taste.  That was all.  We both knew I was lying, but it was a lie I was willing to make.

Don’t get me wrong. Vodka has his faults too.  He can be bitter at times, and he doesn’t always get along with my stomach.

Then again, no one does, especially since my evil gallbladder Stan tried to kill me.

Either way, I knew I didn’t need bitter last night.  I just needed you.

I practically ran to your cold embrace, holding you ever-so-tightly by the neck.  I know that’s how you like to be held.

Don’t deny it.

Our time together was perfect, and although we had to part too soon, I want you to know I will cherish what we shared.

I’m looking forward to our next get-together.

Love Lisa

27 Thoughts on “An awkward letter to my beer

  1. Beer was great when I was just shy of twenty-one. Since I turned legal, I haven’t had a taste for it. I guess that means I haven’t had beer in almost eight years–I had my 25 year old son when I was four.
    Joyce just rambled about…Wordless Wednesday: Bad DayMy Profile

  2. Too cute – thanks for sharing and linking up to The BOAT!! (FYI – I prefer beer…..I drank way too much liquor in college!)
    Amy @ The BOAT just rambled about…Wordless Wednesday – Brynnleigh the ModelMy Profile

    • If you were anything like I was in college, you drank the cheap liquor. Girlfriend, let me tell you the more expensive stuff is way better. You should give vodka another try. I may be wiling to part with her shortly for the night if you want to give her a whirl. She’s a good mistress.

  3. I almost want a beer…except the bubbles wreak havoc on my tummy. I’ll stick to my orange whipped and smores flavored vodkas…not mixed together.
    thoughtsappear just rambled about…How To Turn Your Dog Into a Zombie KillerMy Profile

    • I LOVE the whipped cream flavored vodka. It’s pretty much the best thing ever invented. Oh, and the flavor that tastes EXACTLY like Fruit Loops. Have we discussed this yet? I feel like we haven’t. We need to. It’s life-changing.

  4. I can’t say that I have ever really been a fan of beer. I really prefer the hard stuff. My father owned a couple night clubs and beer was always available, but it never intrigued me. Give me Rum or Vodka.

    Thanks for linking up,

    Sophia
    twentyfiveseasons.com

    • I’m definitely a vodka girl, but my small flirtation with beer was a welcome change. I had no idea it would taste so good. Don’t worry though. I’m still a dedicated vodka girl. You’re in good company like that. 🙂

  5. Holy Cow that dog is cute!

  6. I am a wine girl but you do make a great “case” for beer! PS The picture of your little dog with the beer is so cute!
    Monica just rambled about…Wordless Wednesday ~ Pumpkin Man (w/LINKY)My Profile

    • I used to be a wine girl but now that I’m getting old, it gives me a horrible headache. Maybe if I didn’t drink half the bottle, it wouldn’t….but how can anyone do that?

  7. LOL. I don’t like beer, but I can imagine I may change my mind someday. Right now- I’m in love with gin.

    • Let’s face it; vodka is always going to be my true love. I just strayed momentarily to beer. It was more of a fling. This too shall pass.

      I’m not a gin girl, but my dad loves it. Isn’t it funny how everyone has a liquor of choice?

  8. LOL! I loved this post! Found you on the Whatever Wednesday hop! I love visiting different bloggers, this is so different than the toddler posts/reviews I write and I appreciate your humor and storytelling! Will be linking up on FB/ or Twitter!
    Jodi Flaherty just rambled about…Skechers Relaxed Fit: Breathe Easy – Take Ten Sneaker (Review)My Profile

    • I’m so glad you found me! I don’t have kids so I don’t write about a parenting perspective, so I definitely have a different voice. I also don’t have shame so I have no problem writing about how I embarrass myself. I’m classy that way.

      Thanks for reading and commenting. Hopefully I will be a nice humor break for you!

  9. My tastes have always bordered on the exotic (yes, I can see you raising your eyebrows :D), so I had a hot and prolonged fling with Senor (or should it be Senorita?!!) Margarita! Nowadays, I’ve come to realize that I can do without any man…errr…drink, so I’ve been abstaining for some time!! 😛
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  10. Blech, never a fan of beer and it’s been about 16 yrs since I had a drink.
    Mimi just rambled about…Wordless Wednesday: My ManMy Profile

  11. I like beer. And wine, vodka, mixed drinks….although for years I couldn’t drink tequila due to an unfortunate incident in college. I don’t actually drink that much though, so I think it’s more enjoyable when I do have a glass.
    Michelle just rambled about…Celebrating the Little Things in Life {Ladies Only Blog Share Link Party}My Profile

    • I don’t think anyone over the age of 30 can drink tequila. We’ve all had unfortunate incidents in college with tequila. It’s required at most universities before you graduate.

  12. Courtney P on October 15, 2013 at 3:08 am said:

    I am a tequila and beer girl all the way. I don’t drink too often, but those are my staples. I’m one of the few that doesn’t have a bad tequila story from college, so I still enjoy it by the shot or in a margarita. I work for the railroad, and boy those train guys can drink like champs!! I gave one of them a good shock though when I threw back some Jose one night when we went out. But beer or hard cider is my typical go to.

  13. If you’ve been cheating on Russian Vodka…well I’d be more than a little worried.
    Greg just rambled about…A Victory For Couch Potatoes EverywhereMy Profile

  14. Oh, lord, this was hilarious though I hate beer. Wine is my beeatch, and in fact my alter ego is Chardonnay-nay, but, sometimes I do need a change. I will deeply consider beer as my next paramour, thanks to this thought-provoking and alluring post. Now I’m thirsty. Damnit.
    Ashley just rambled about…Old School Circus: A WakeMy Profile

    • Vodka is definitely my vice of choice, but every now and then all I want is a nice cold beer. It’s kind of like I’m cheating on vodka but it feels so good, if only for the moment…

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