Based upon the demands of you guys, he keeps you laughing too.
Don’t tell him that.
Without any further hesitation, let’s get to the mockery, shall we?
A memory like a steel trap
Matt: “I totally told you about this.”
Lisa: “I don’t remember it.”
Matt: “Okay, maybe I didn’t tell you, but whatever.”
Master of multi-tasking
“I just peed and took my contacts out at the same time. Hashtag allstar.”
A happy guy
Matt: “Ew. Shady Jack’s lipstick is out again. It’s so gross.”
Lisa: “Just don’t look at it. It’s because he’s a happy dog.”
Matt: “I’m a happy guy, but I don’t walk around with a boner.*”
*THIS IS DEBATABLE.*
A big dreamer
Matt: “I had a dream that we got some really bad ass concert tickets from Steve Wozniak (co-founder of Apple).”
Lisa: “That’s weird.”
Matt: “Then he got me a really good deal on underwear. They were tighty whities, but still.”
Matt: “I have a lot of scars from karate.*** It’s okay though. Chicks dig scars.”
Lisa: “How did you get scars from karate?”
Matt: “I got them from trying to break boards with my hands in karate.
<looks down and says under his breath>
“I was not successful.”
***In this conversation, he pronounced it as kah-rah-tay. Seriously.***
A needy guy
Matt: “I need a new one of those air fresheners for my car.”
Lisa: “Yeah, because you threw your last one away.”
Matt: “That’s not relevant to this conversation. I need a new one.”
Lisa: “What were we just talking about?”
Matt: “The thing.”
Lisa: “What thing?”
Matt: “I don’t know, but it was definitely important.”