Source:  Kobi Levi

Source: Kobi Levi

It’s no surprise I’m a dog lover.  The dog hair on my clothes and the faint smell of urine give that away fairly easily.

Yeah…the  urine smell is from the dogs…

Recently, one of my fellow dog-lovers shared a photo with me that I felt compelled to share with you.  Fortunately, my friend isn’t Anthony Weiner, so I can share the photo here instead of burying it in the back of my mind and seeking therapy immediately.

(Really Weiner?  You send dick pics and your name is Weiner?  If it wasn’t disgusting it could actually be kind of awesome.)

Okay, enough with the Weiner talk.  (That’s what she said.)

Seriously, guys.  Focus.

Here’s the non-perverted photo my friend shared with me.  Can you believe it? They’re shoes by designer Kobi Levi that look like a dog.

Sure, the dog is headless, but let’s not get too judgy about the accuracy of the shoes and why this is a headless hound.  I have way too many other things to be judgey about with these shoes.

Let’s get started.

How long can this one hold the downward dog position?

First thing’s first, where do I get these fine furry friends?  Do I have to adopt them from a shelter or will I have to go to a breeder for them?

Quite honestly, they look high end, which suggests a breeder was involved in these sweet kicks.

Either way, these sure give new meaning to the phrase “designer dogs.”

If I adopt them, what do I do when I don’t want them anymore because they pee on the floor and chew up my underwear furniture?  Is my only option to put them down…literally?

Are they up-to-date on shots or do I have to pay for that separately?

What kind of care do these puppy pumps require?  Is food and water needed or just a good brushing every now and then?

Do they shed?  I can’t take another shedding dog in my house, so this furry footwear needs to be shed-free.

Is this one napping?

Is this one napping?

I realize Kobi Levi designed these shoes, but do you think he sold the design to Hush Puppies?  Do you think that’s why the brand is called Hush Puppies?  Because these shoes don’t know how to keep the barking down to a minimum?

Perhaps these dogs literally bark when you wear them.  If so, that would give new meaning to the phrase “My dogs are barking.”

How will they react to the doorbell? Will they cower in a corner and pee on the floor, or will they howl until the intruder leaves the premises?

How will they react to other dogs?  Will they immediately sniff a dog’s crotch and then begin humping him or her?

Where exactly are the genitals located on these shoes?  How do I know if they’re male or female?  Are they spayed or neutered?

Judging by this photo, I’d say these shoes are girls, as I see no sagging fur balls hanging low.  Are the male version loafers for men?

Do these shoes make you randomly start humping people whenever the need arises?  If so, that could be an explanation for Kim Kardashian’s hoe-bag behavior.  The shoes did it!

Nah, she’s still a slut-bag.

Can you wear these shoes around cats or will they immediately get into a scuffle with any feline?

Will they randomly start chasing their tail? This is important information I need to know, as I already have enough challenges just walking normally without having my shoes break out into play.

Are they like most dogs and go crazy for bones?  If so, what kind?  Will they go crazy for the bones in my feet or are they looking for something more of the Nylabone variety?

Do they like to dig and bury bones?  If so, I’m in trouble, as they’re already in the position to start digging to retrieve my metatarsals.  Will they try to hide those or will they just gnaw on them until my feet are numb?

I guess if that’s the case, I can definitely say “These puppies are hurting my feet.”

Do these shoes know how to heel or do they also come in flats?  (Yes, this was a bad pun. I know.)

How do I protect them from wear and tear?  Do I give them a monthly flea dip?

Are these shoes trained to fetch the paper and my slippers on a Sunday morning, or will they stay in bed and hog the covers?

What do I do with them when I want to leave the house?  Do I have to put them in a kennel or will they be good and not tear up the house?

I have so many questions about these shoes, none of which are answered.  I guess I will never know unless I purchase a pair myself.  Either way, I suspect they all have perfect soles…just like most dogs do.

Puppy pumps

13 Thoughts on “Some Questions About Puppy Pumps

  1. Damn Lisa – this is some doggie style I can get into! I want a pair!! And I wish they made them in pug.

    And on a side note – I am totally bummed I didn’t see you at BlogHer. How did that happen? How did we not see each other? I’ll just have to stalk you next year. 😉
    Linda Roy just rambled about…The I Don’t Like Mondays Blog Hop: Everything AND the Kitchen SinkMy Profile

    • DARNIT! Your comment about doggie style is GENIUS! How did I miss that? I’m disappointed in myself.

      I was actually thinking the same thing about you and how I could have missed you at the conference. WE MUST NOT LET THAT HAPPEN AGAIN! Feel free to stalk and I will do the same. It will make our meeting all the more glorious.

  2. I think I want a pair of these to just show off, not actually wear. I’d also prefer a pair of ‘Jugs’. No, not the breast style, the Jack Russell-Pug equals, JUG style. Thank you 🙂
    Wendy just rambled about…Blog Stalking Sundays, #10!My Profile

  3. Hysterical! And of course you make it even funnier. If they’re anything like my pups, they will not be out of bed to fetch any papers, they will stay snuggled up whacking me for attention until the run becomes imminent. Then they will go crazy and run around the house like they have never been outside before.
    Michelle just rambled about…How Does Your Garden Grow? {Ladies Only Blog Share}My Profile

  4. I had never heard of these and I would definitely put this in the category of “what will they think of next?” Such a cute post Lisa!
    Mom Rants and Comfy Pants just rambled about…Musings From the Shower – The Pursuit of NormalMy Profile

  5. In the last pic, what’s the name of the one with the red bow?
    thoughtsappear just rambled about…I Have a DreamMy Profile

  6. Peggy Campbell on August 6, 2013 at 8:42 am said:

    Hilarious! And, yes, your dogs are pretty close to the cutest ones ever. My 4 are in the running, and one of my grand-dogs is named Bentley. I love all dogs….read Oogie. Sweet story. Heartbreaker, but in a good way.

  7. Well at least when one says “these puppies are barking,” it will make more sense
    Rebeccafaith just rambled about…This Past Weekend: One for the BooksMy Profile

  8. Wow. Just wow. Let me stand here and slow clap you for a minute. You put every single dog joke in all the world out back to pee with this post. I did see these pictures and all I could come up with was the “my dogs are barking” joke and something about them humping/shedding. FAIL. This is why you make the big bucks, woman!
    Joy just rambled about…Naughty Night NamesMy Profile

  9. O. M. G. Where can a get a pair? Do you think they make a pump with kitten heels?
    A Pleasant House just rambled about…My Father The SociopathMy Profile

  10. Your dogs are cute. The dog shoes…are fascinating, lol!!
    Rosey just rambled about…Reminiscing About Old SayingsMy Profile

  11. Hilarious, Lisa!

  12. WOW! That is insane! Thanks so much for sharing and linking up for This Momma’s Meandering Mondays, as always it is wonderful to have you along for the ride! Have an awesome week!
    Stacey @ This Momma’s Ramblings just rambled about…Ramblings From Camp & A Giveaway, Too!My Profile

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