single male seeks pregnant womanI was perusing the interwebs at 2:00 .am. the other day, looking for photos of Ryan Gosling in a Speedo intellectual articles, when I happened upon this gem of a story.

There’s a show coming to the WE Network that’s called Pregnant and Dating.

Yes, you read that right.  It’s a show about pregnant women looking for love in all the wrong places.  One of those places is clearly in the pants of someone other than their baby-daddy.

Their wallets.  The place women are looking for love is in men’s wallets, which are usually in the pants.

You’re such a perv.  Can you just focus on the story?

So many things went through my mind when I saw this article, the first of which was to remember to take my birth control pill immediately.  Pregnancy is no laughing matter, except if it’s on WE, apparently.

After that, the questions really began to fly.

First of all, is it really on WE?  Seriously?  Women’s Entertainment Network is sponsoring a show about pregnant women dating?  Shouldn’t that network focus on programming featuring shirtless men?  Wouldn’t that be more up the alley of women’s entertainment?

Come to think of it, Women’s Entertainment Network could really just be a 24 hour loop of men trying to clean toilets, change diapers and bake casseroles.

Now that’s entertainment.

But really, WE?  What about a pregnant woman trying to snag a guy before she pushes a kid out her hoo-ha is entertainment for women?  I would think women would be appalled or offended by this sort of thing; not entertained by it.

Allow me to clarify:  I would think normal women would be appalled or offended by this sort of thing.  I, however, found it hilariously awesome; but I’m certainly not normal.  Regular?  Yes.  Normal?  No.

And what kind of man deliberately looks for a woman knocked up with someone else’s kid?  It’s either a guy with a fetish or a guy with mommy issues.  There are no other logical* explanations.

*In this case, logical = non-creepy.

No need for these!  Just kidding.  STDs are NO laughing matter. photo credit: grafixtek via photopin cc

No need for these! Just kidding. STDs are NO laughing matter.
photo credit: grafixtek via photopin cc

The only reasoning I can come up with for why men deliberately seek out pregnant women is because they know these moms-to-be are easy dates.

Literally, they’re easy.  They put out.

After all, the proof is in the pudding and in this case, the pudding is the uterus.  Isn’t that how the metaphor goes?

Perhaps these men figure all they have to do is buy dinner and iced tea for the pregnant lady and she’ll immediately turn into a sex machine.  What they don’t realize is she will immediately turn into a machine but the product she churns out won’t be sex.

It will be flatulence.  Lots and lots of flatulence.

photo credit: ~C4Chaos via photopin cc

photo credit: ~C4Chaos via photopin cc

It will be an eye-watering surprise I’d like to witness, so in that respect, perhaps WE has the right idea.

I also hope WE has air freshener, as pregnant farts can be quite ripe.

These men also probably suspect pregnant women are cheap dates since they don’t drink alcohol while they’re pregnant…or at least I hope they don’t drink alcohol while they’re pregnant.

What these guys don’t understand is whatever money they save on booze, they will spend on appetizers, meals, desserts, post-dessert meals and midnight servings of ribs.  And it will be a full slab of ribs; none of that half slab business.

This photo is awesome and creepy for the exact same reasons. photo credit: 倪貝兒 via photopin cc

This photo is awesome and creepy for the exact same reasons.
photo credit: 倪貝兒 via photopin cc

Come to think of it, that’s just a description of what it was like to date me, except I took the booze too.

I can’t imagine the caliber of men wanting to date these knocked up chicks is particularly high.

In all actuality, perhaps that’s why they’re trying to snag pregnant women instead of non-pregnant women; because women not growing human life in their uteri find them repulsive.  Perhaps these men assume a pregnant woman has a strong nurturing instinct, so she may take pity date them.

See what I mean?  Mommy issues.

I can’t imagine what kind of shit show this program will be, and I haven’t decided if I’m going to tune in or not.  On the one hand, I want to see who these people are, and what their reasoning is for such ridiculousness.

On the other hand, I’d still like to believe there are some normal people in the world, and I’m confident this program would seal the deal in convincing me that all people are crazy.

Except for me, of course.  I’m not crazy.  I’m totally normal.

I feel like there's a joke here about either doing it or plunging a toilet.  I'll let you decide. photo credit: cjggbella via photopin cc

I feel like there’s a joke here about either doing it or plunging a toilet. I’ll let you decide.
photo credit: cjggbella via photopin cc

28 Thoughts on “Single Male With Mommy Issues Seeks Pregnant Female; Tuesdays at 7:00 p.m.

  1. the pudding is the uterus….my new #1 reason to avoid dairy products 🙂
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  2. monica on July 9, 2013 at 10:36 pm said:

    Before I even read this post, I assumed that this show would be on MTV. What would the title be “singled out for being 16 and pregnant” or “date my teen mom”?

    • I LOVE “Date My Teen Mom!” but it could be because I hated Jenny McCarthy and thought Singled Out was annoying.

      I think we’ve got a great idea for a pilot!

  3. Ok, for the record this show is already on. I have to confess that one night while looking for some educational documentary to enlighten my mind (I had seen that episode of Golden Girls 500 times) i stumbled across this show. I watched a couple episodes. It is a bit wrong…see it is not so much as guys seeking out preggos it is more them going out n a date or two or three then spring the news on the men! Now that is not always the case. One episode showed a pregnant woman out at a bar dancing at meeting men (she was drinking juice). And one had a friend set her up on a blind date with someone who did know she was pregnant. Anyway not something to add to my viewing rotation but hey if nothing else is on except infomercials…
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  4. OMG!! Girl, I have tears in my eyes laughing so hard! You are too funny.
    I agree with you 200%, these producers are really stretching it these days. Then again, there are those who ‘watch these shows’ and those that watch these shows. If you get my meaning 🙂
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    • I’m so glad you enjoyed this! I actually wrote it about a month ago and found it tonight in my drafts and realized it was completely finished so I might as well publish it instead of scrapping it. I’m glad you got a laugh.

      And I like to tell myself the only people who watch these shows are people like us who do so to mock them. Yes. Let’s tell ourselves that, please?

  5. “Come to think of it, Women’s Entertainment Network could really just be a 24 hour loop of men trying to clean toilets, change diapers and bake casseroles.”

    Shoot, I’d watch it. I’m one of the few men I know that was actually taught how to keep a clean house. (For the record: Taught to clean is different than actually cleaning it.) So if this theoretical show had my male friends attempting this sort of stuff, count me in!

    But, I’m in agreement. I mean, what are they hoping for as a best case scenario? “I’m really hoping it’ll work out so I can see my expenses quadrupled this time next year.” If I had to guess, I’d make the same conclusion: Mommy issues.
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  6. Oh my gosh. I don’t have cable. I am missing out on all these fantastic shows. No fair.
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  7. I was trying to watch Golden Girls one night but ended up watching this and it’s a great show if you’re feeling a little too good about the world and humanity and you don’t feel like dressing up to go to Wal-mart. One segment, a woman rejected a guy because he has a son but he’s single, dating and not with the baby’s mama so wrote him off as a “playa.” If your head didn’t explode after that, she was also disappointed that he acted too surprised when she revealed she was pregnant which he didn’t at all. He just hesitated a little too long for her liking before he said “that’s ok, I’m cool with that.”
    The woman was delusional and had the confidence of a sociopath.
    WE kicked around several titles before settling on Pregnant and Dating:
    …And Baby Makes Three
    Against All Odds
    Who In Their Right Mind?
    Frantically Finding Father Figure
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  8. Geez Louise, seems they’ll make a reality show about anything! Come to think of it, my stepson is starring in one beginning the 24th called ‘The G Thing’. It’s about a guidos music and his family and it’s on FUSE network. Shameless plug…

    And I’m glad you’re regular.
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  9. You are a hilarious writer
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  10. Dang! I’m missing out on such insightful and informative TV programming. Does this now reality show air before or after the one about extreme dental cleaning?
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  11. C’mon Lisa – this show shouldn’t surprise you one bit. Once they aired “My Cat From Hell” and “Amish Mafia,” the bottom of the barrel was scraped clean. What channel was this show on again?
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  12. Well, crap, now you HAVE to watch it so you can give us a full blog report on I. I don’t get stations like that. Enquiring minds want to know.
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    • I know, right?! I should probably just set my DVR and watch it. I’m sure that if nothing else, it will inspire another blog post…and maybe a call to a therapist.

  13. One word: DISGUSTING
    Oh your language so ripefully describes the creepiness of this show and the reason so many people will be watching it. It’s a train wreck, and when your train wreck is worse than my train wreck I like to see how you climb out. Or how you don’t. Whatever.
    i don’t think Jack Tripper would like that show.
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  14. Great, funny article! I need to start watching the WE channel … for non-creepy sociological reasons.
    Tim
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  15. Maybe the men just like cankles (calf-ankles). Or outie belly buttons. 😀

    Stopping by from the Humor me hop. I linked up http://momopolize.com/2013/02/20/the-birds-and-the-bees-and-the-cats/
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  16. I think you are spot-on about all motives, however, the apex of this kind of programming is yet to air. When America tunes-in a reality (scripted) show about people that want to marry there dog, I believe we will have satisfied that claim. Wait- isn’t that what ‘My Crazy Addiction’ is about? EeGads.
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  17. Courtney P on July 12, 2013 at 6:22 am said:

    Maybe they just like girls with a bump, a la:

    http://www.google.com/url?sa=t&rct=j&q=shes%20got%20a%20bump&source=web&cd=1&cad=rja&ved=0CC0QtwIwAA&url=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.youtube.com%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DxiPxXU02xOQ&ei=EtjfUayLOYa_ygGirYGYCQ&usg=AFQjCNEXXjVshfeTZFjtfaErhmobngZJOQ&bvm=bv.48705608,d.aWc

    Also, once I worked with a girl who’s husband had a total pregnant girl fetish. He thought pregnant chicks were super hot and would tell them how beautiful they were. Slightly awkward, but endearing.

    • If people like girls with a bump, then those people should love me. I’m not pregnant but I definitely have a bump there!

      This video is flipping hilarious and I didn’t even know it existed. The song is oddly catchy and I think I will sing it the rest of the day. 🙂

  18. I would seriously watch a network that showed men doing the chores…shirtless. But they’d have to be smokin’ hot guys. Not those Pillsbury Dough Boy types. 😉
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  19. Sadly, I know a real life person who has a ‘thing’ for women who are expecting. I always found it very creepy and wished I didn’t know. He’s married now and his wife just had their first child. She was a mess when she was expecting (grouchy, demanding, selfish) and she’s usually very mild mannered. Karma? hehahahahahaha
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  20. Love your post! So funny! Are you going to Blogher? Thank you so much for sharing & linking up at Thank You Honey’s Whatever Wednesday Party!! The party goes live every Tuesday!
    Cheers

    Sarah
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