Other n-wordsFor those of you fatties foodies out there who love Paula Deen, I’m sure you’re aware of the recent lawsuit filed against her by a former employee.

The suit alleges sexual harassment, racism, and use of the N-word.  It also alleges she over-uses  butter and grease in all of her recipes.

Just kidding.  It’s impossible to over-use butter and grease in a recipe.

Does Paula Deen deny using the N-word?  Of course (N)ot.  In fact, she freely admits to it.

This admission probably won’t help the strength of her defense and if she insists on maintaining this position, she should consider a diversionary tactic with the jury.

I would suggest winning them over by serving them fried chicken and cupcakes.  It would put the jurors in a food coma just before evidence is presented, and voila!  Acquital is made!

It’s a brilliant plan and I can only hope to be chosen for that jury.  I can also hope they’re chocolate cupcakes.

photo credit: alex.lines via photopin cc

photo credit: alex.lines via photopin cc

Anyway, back to the alleged racism.

Perhaps what’s most disturbing to me about the allegations of racial slurs against African Americans is the fact she frequently looks like she’s wearing black face.

I’m not sure if it’s intentional, or if she’s just too liberal with the bronzer, but there are times I swear she looks like she’s a performer in a vaudeville show.

Considering how liberal she is with sugar and frosting, I’d say the same is true about her use of bronzer.

Regardless of what her motives were for using the N-word, I hope she learns from the experience.  I also hope she branches out and learns other words that start with an N.

Here are a few I’ve come up with that she should learn and insert into her repertoire immediately.

photo credit: sielju via photopin cc

photo credit: sielju via photopin cc

Night Cream

Night cream would be a great word for her to learn.  A little dab will go a long way to reduce those wrinkles.  I’d recommend she buy it by the pound.

Non-Fat Dressing

Non-fat dressing is another great word for her to learn.

Wait, come to think of it, she’d have to learn the word “salad” before she could learn about non-fat dressing, so maybe I’m pushing it a little.

Nordstrom

Another great N-word she should learn is Nordstrom.  Queen Deen needs a new wardrobe, and she needs it since 1995.

Afghans and pearl necklaces do not a classy outfit make.  She needs to burn all of her clothes and head to Nordstrom immediately.

photo credit: nemuneko.jc via photopin cc

photo credit: nemuneko.jc via photopin cc

Nutella

Nutella is an N-word she should not only learn, but should use liberally.  I realize this isn’t a healthy ingredient, but I’d just like to see what she does with it.  I suspect she’d find a way to fry it and serve it with powdered sugar.

That’s an N-word I could get used to her using.

Hopefully this post will help Paula see that other N-words can be great, and most of them don’t evoke feelings of hatred and fear.  In fact, some of them actually evoke feelings of hunger and excitement.

Someone pass the Nutella.

41 Thoughts on “Other N-words Paula Deen Should Learn

  1. What?!! Not Paula!! Noooo! I love her, she can’t be all racist!!! Why?!!
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  2. Hmmm…she would probably just coat a stick of butter in the Nutella and then fry it up before coating with powdered sugar. AND for the record non-fat dressing is icky…I can’t even believe you are suggesting it Miss no salads. 😉
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    • I actually had non-fat salad dressing tonight on my salad. Granted, it was covered in blue cheese, olives, and chicken, but it was non-fat. It wasn’t too bad, but that’s probably because I was focusing on the blue cheese crumbles.

      I always focus on the blue cheese crumbles.

  3. Nutella is the best word of all.

    And she could use that on her face instead of whatever she uses for black face. Two birds, one stone.
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    • This is an amazingly brilliant idea! I think everything in the world should be covered with a light coating of Nutella. Wouldn’t we all be just a little happier?

      I would be.

  4. Honey, I think she DOES use Nutella, as foundation make-up, y’awl. She mixes it with bacon grease, that’s why she has that weird “glow” all the time, y’awl. Damn now I’ll be saying y’awl all day, y’awl.
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    • You are brilliant with the Nutella as foundation comment! It actually totally looks like that’s what she wears. I couldn’t do that because I would lick my own face off every day.

      I love that you spelled it y’awl. Love it.

  5. I’ve never been a big Paula fan for no reason other than I would never cook anything she makes, but she reminds me of an old racist grandmother who cooks with absurd amounts of butter and talks about the “nice colored man” who is our president and how she’s pissed because her cotton gin is clogged or something. Racism is awful and she should have learned from her first debacle, but whatever. Celebrities are weird and clueless, but that’s no excuse for ignorance.

    However, her brother’s name is “Bubba” so I guess it’s not much of a surprise?
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    • You’re so right about the “nice colored man” comment. That’s actually how my grandma was, and she wasn’t being racist at all. It was just how she talked.

      I think the difference here is my grandma didn’t use the N-word and dream of a slavery themed wedding. So, you know, there are some differences…

  6. Um, when I read that she admitted to planning a SLAVERY THEMED WEDDING I almost died. Seriously? There is racism and then there is just plain evil. That is evil. And she will never learn the word non-fat anything. SOme people think it is silly to eat healthy or low fat or without butter occasionally. They think those who do are overreacting. Thanks for this post it restored my faith in humanity know that someone else was as disgusted with her as I was!
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    • I’m glad I could restore your faith in humanity! I’ve never done that before and I feel honored. I can barely restore my kitchen to normal after I make mac and cheese, so I’m chalking this up to a win!

      And I swear the first time I read that about the slavery themed wedding, I thought it was a joke. Not so much. Ridiculous!

  7. I don’t ever watch her but have eaten at one of get restaurants and oh.my.gawd. It’s amazing.

    But being a southerner, this things drive me crazy – We already have a perception problem with people lumping us all together and making comments about southerners being racist (obvious here) and don’t need Paula’s help of having a well known southerner actually be racist! In the south I do think its more common, and especially in those of older generations who were raised that way. But it’s FAR from truth that most southerners are.
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    • I totally agree. I bet Southerners do get a bad rap and she is NOT helping y’all.

      I’m just hoping that something that will diminish with the older generation.

      I really want to say y’all a bunch more times, but I won’t.

  8. Joy, I literally laughed out loud at your spelling of y’all. Clearly not a southerner :)
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  9. Excellent post, sweetie. I love it. It also reminds me of Fabrice Fabrice: “You know who likes fried chicken? Black people. You know who else likes fried chicken? EVERYBODY!”

  10. You forgot Numbnuts as in her sons are numbnuts and should quit sucking at her teat for god’s sake.

    I couldn’t help but notice that you had her serving the jury fried chicken instead of a nice meat loaf or chicken fried steak. Perhaps Ms. Newlin is subliminally racist!?? Though I never did get why that’s an insult. Who doesn’t like fried chicken for God’s sake?
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    • I totally didn’t realize the comment about the fried chicken until you and my husband pointed it out! I was going for more of the “she fries everything” comment and nothing else.

      And her brother’s name is Bubba! Her sons are also worthless.

      I LOVE fried chicken, but so does EVERYONE!

  11. Nicely done Lisa. Think I’ll put some Nutella on my waffles!
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  12. A very serious post. Thank you for reminding us all about the use of Nutella. The universe is back in balance.
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  13. Paula could also use some Nice ‘n Easy hair color – her silver Easter egg hair ages her at least thee years.
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  14. Not a fan of Paula AT ALL! Aside from then’N’ word, is there another human on the planet who says ‘y’all’ more than she does? It’s like fingernails on a blackboard to me.
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  15. I actually just made a post inspired by this one. Thanks for the inspiration, Lisa!
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  16. Girl you are too much!
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    • I’m taking this in a “girl, you’re too much awesome-sauce” instead of “girl, you’re too much craziness and I’m going to have to block you from my feed.”

      Yeah, the first one is better.

  17. Dona on July 4, 2013 at 11:40 am said:

    Well, I just subscribed to your blog this morning (after reading your Character Assination of Where’s Waldo) and I think I’m gonna be glad I did! Not only the enjoyment of the post itself, but the comments! Hilarious, y’all! As for Paula, I always liked her, or her food, anyway. But I can’t tolerate that word. However, she said it in the ’80’s! Bet I’ve said some things in the ’80’s that I wish I hadn’t……..fortunately I’m too old to remember. Y’all.

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