tumultuous relationship with fro yoI’m in an abusive relationship. No, I’m not abusing Matt, at least not physically. The relationship I’m talking about is a love affair; a forbidden affair, but one I can’t terminate no matter how much I try.

The object of my affections? Fro Yo.

For those of you not familiar with this fine establishment, they serve various flavors of frozen yogurt along with a toppings bar of every thing from gummy bears to crushed up candy bars.

You serve yourself as much frozen yogurt as you want, and then load it up with as many toppings as you want as well.

It’s basically diabetes in a cup.

It’s perfection.

photo credit: Matthew McVickar via photopin cc

photo credit: Matthew McVickar via photopin cc

How is Fro Yo abusive, you ask? He seems so sophisticated with his trendy concept and welcoming rewards card. Don’t be fooled. That’s how he gets you.

You see, Fro Yo is abusive because he knows I need him. He knows I can’t live without him. Who can, really? Well, I supposed lactose intolerant people could totally live without him. Whatever.

He’s so smooth and cool and he knows it.  Not only is he aloof and confident, he’s literally smooth and cool.  He’s cold, actually.  He’s kind of a bad boy, and I like it.

I know what you’re thinking; is it just mind games?  How is he physically abusive to you?

Um, it’s called a brain freeze.  Ever had one?  Pure.  Pain.

And yet, I want more.  I want more of the brain freeze.  I want more of the headache.  I want more, more, more!

It’s not all whipped cream and crushed candy bars though.  There’s a dark side to Fro Yo.  He requires constant attention or he pouts and has a meltdown.

He also makes me feel bad about myself.  Sure, there’s the ecstasy of the time we spend together, but when it’s over, I drive home with my head hung in shame, kicking myself for being so gullible and giving in to his seductive ways.

photo credit: Kalexanderson via photopin cc

photo credit: Kalexanderson via photopin cc

As if I don’t feel bad enough about my overindulgence, there’s the stains he leaves on my shirt, and the indigestion he leaves in my chest that remind me of our dirty deed.

I try to hide our relationship with my husband, but I think he knows.  He can smell Fro Yo when I walk in the door, and I know he can see remnants of our night together in the corner of my mouth.

Matt looks away.  He doesn’t want to know.

However, despite all of the turmoil Fro Yo brings to my life, every time time he calls my name, I come running.  Well, not so much running because I’m physically not capable of running.

This is yet another example of the permanent effects Fro Yo has on me.  He has such a hold that he affects my joints and my (in)ability to engage in cardiovascular activities.

Why can’t I stop?  Maybe Robert Palmer is right, and I’m addicted to love.  I probably am.  Or maybe, just maybe, I’m addicted to lactose.

Either way, I don’t care.  If loving him is wrong, I don’t want to be right.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’ve got a hot date with a cool guy….

31 Thoughts on “My tumultuous relationship with Fro Yo

  1. I was addicted last summer, the hottest on record in Southern California. I was able to kick it finally this year, but I still go back once in a while…those abusive relationships can be hard to get out of!
    Natalie DeYoung just rambled about…Getting InvolvedMy Profile

    • I’m glad to know I’m not alone, although I’m sad to know he’s affected so many other people the same way.

      Good for you for staying strong and overcoming! Every now and then, it’s fine to indulge. By that, I mean daily. Daily is fine.

  2. I was just talking about this today. And yesterday. Oh yeah, and the day before that.

    Lest you think my only cool friends have the lake house, my other friend’s son just bought a yogurt franchise.

    I went to one today, and they have bubble tea too! I had the coconut. My fav, but the bubbles were undercooked and then I had a facial and my tummy was making embarrassing noises. :/
    Doreen@househoneys just rambled about…At The Hop!My Profile

    • I LOVE THIS STORY! First, I love that you have fabulous friends that bought a yogurt franchise. Please tell me they have a cool house somewhere that I can visit.

      I also love that you had some undercooked bubbles that made your stomach loud during a facial. I shouldn’t enjoy that story as much as I did!

  3. Mmmmm… Fro Yo… We now have two places in the “big city” of Ames offering those sort of self serve frozen yogurt machines, and they’re popping up all over the place here in central Iowa.

    Why is it that these places always have names related to either citrus or trees? Lemon Tree, Orange Leaf, etc… What does that have to do with Fro Yo? Wouldn’t it be more appropriate it to have reference to different kinds of dairy cows in the title? Or maybe I’m just crazy.
    The Sadder But Wiser Girl just rambled about…The ADD Mom Travels: Encounters with UFOs, Evil Screens, and Pork Chop AnxietyMy Profile

    • I think that’s the Iowa influence talking now. I’m pretty sure if you called the place something like Kobe or Limo Yogurt, people would have no clue what it was.

  4. Fro Yo is so so good. I did figure out that gummy bears freeze when used as a topping, which is highly unfortunate. Usually I make up for this travesty with extra Oreo pieces. Seduced by Fro Yo yet again. I’m so weak.
    Sarah B. just rambled about…A Time to Sunburn and A Time to Sing KarokeMy Profile

    • If you’re weak from Fro Yo’s seduction, you’re not alone. I just can’t resist him!

      And I’ve never tried gummy bears on it but thank you for sharing that information with me. You’re good to me like that.

  5. I knew coming over here would make me laugh today. 🙂 We’ve not got a Fro Yo in town, and I’m glad. Hubby would not tolerate the infidelity. 🙂

    • Your marriage is better for it not having the Fro Yo. I can promise you it wouldn’t end well for you. Fro Yo is irresistible.

      And thanks for reading and letting me know I make you laugh. I can’t tell you how much that means to me to know I make people laugh.

  6. Thank goodness its not Ben or Jerry you are hot for- otherwise your pants would be pissed at you too!
    Kate just rambled about…Just let him payMy Profile

  7. I’m addicted to FroYo as well. I like to think that getting the nonfat or low fat yogurt justifies me adding as many toppings as I want. Shhhhh…don’t try to convince me otherwise.
    thoughtsappear just rambled about…Help! I’m Stuck in the Bathroom and I Can’t Get Out!My Profile

  8. Ah, Fro Yo… the bane of my existence…
    Emelie just rambled about…It Was Either Murder… Or a Really Disappointing Birthday…My Profile

  9. Ohhhh I love me some Fro Yo! I always go a little crazy over the assortment of toppings. That diabetes banquet is a dieter’s worst nightmare….but that still hasn’t stopped me from stuffing my face with it. Oh geez, now I’m craving the stuff. What have you done to me????
    Menopausalmother just rambled about…The 7 Deadly Sins Of MenopauseMy Profile

    • You went to zumba, so go get some Fro Yo! And do you know what’s the best part? Putting a little bit of fro yo in your bucket…er….bowl, and then covering that part with toppings, and then loading on more fro yo and then more toppings.

      It’s layers of goodness and it’s perfection.

  10. Sounds like a perfect combination of the Agony & Ecstasy in the pursuit of Happiness- and calories. Just up my alley.
    Cheryl Nicholl just rambled about…The Average Joe, Shit Cupcakes & Paula DeanMy Profile

  11. Yeah… I hear you. I love froyo. Our neighborhood in Brooklyn is SERIOUSLY lacking. It’s a problem. It’s not like going cold turkey helps. I’m hopelessly in love. 😉
    Deb @ Urban Moo Cow just rambled about…On Choice and Child-rearingMy Profile

  12. Makenzie on June 29, 2013 at 12:07 pm said:

    Yo My Goodness was very similar to FroYo and literally 5 minutes from home. Best thing that happened to Crestwood. I would start with putting the toppings at the bottom of the bowl, fill with delicious FroYo and then put more toppings on that. Seriously…try the waffle cone at the bottom. Changed my life.

    • Makenzie, there is a reason we are friends, and you just described it here. I also do the layers, because I’m serious about my toppings on my fro you. Why would I only put it on the top? Such a waste.

      And are you talking about the one over by the Fed Ex and Starbucks? That’s the one we go to, but it’s a Fro Yo. Believe me, I know, as I have a frequent buyers card there.

      Shame. Pure shame.

  13. wait I thought frozen yoghurt was healthy?! Damn it! Thnaks for hooking up to the Hump Day Hook Up
    Molley@A Mother Life just rambled about…Abortion on the SubwayMy Profile

  14. Why don’t I know about this Fro Yo?? I deserve to be in a tumultuous relationship damnit!!!
    Mom Rants and Comfy Pants just rambled about…Musings From the Shower – Well Sort Of. Okay, Not Really.My Profile

  15. Maybe you and your husband just need to have an ‘open’ marriage and have the fro-yo as your 3rd wheel. Of course, I guess I should be helping you out of your abusive relationship not trying to add it to your marriage….lol!
    Have a great week! Thanks for linking up and making me smile again this week.
    KC
    KC @ The Real Thing with the Coake Family just rambled about…Chalkboard Labels for Organized Toy StorageMy Profile

  16. If FroYo is a drug, Living Social is the dealer. Or maybe Groupon. I don’t know who gave me the sweet stuff but they offered $20 worth for only $10. Holy jeez it was dangerous. I stocked up. Like different combos and topping all in my freezer. It was bad. Don’t judge me.

    But that was then. I’m in recovery. And I feel good.

    However…HOWEVER…there’s a Dairy Queen a quarter mile away. Reece’s PB cup blizzard…no power. That’s the hard stuff. I can’t say no. It’s a dirty, filthy secret.

    I am a DQ whore in the worst way.
    Shauna Quintero just rambled about…Real Housewives of New Jersey: The Italian Sit-DownMy Profile

    • I LOVE DQ! Come to think of it, I haven’t been there all summer and now I want nothing more than a Reece’s Peanut Butter Cup Blizzard…the largest size possible. I know you won’t judge.

      And you’re TOTALLY right about Groupon and Living Social being dealers. They get me on all that stuff…especially spa stuff! I’m such a sucker for that! Savings and sweets and spa? Sign me up!

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