Dear Auto-Correct,

autocorrectI don’t know how to say this, so I’m just going to let you know the way the kids are doing it these days.  I’m going to write it on the interwebs.

No, please don’t try to guess what I’m going to say; that’s kind of the problem.  You always try to finish my thoughts and sentences and it’s getting a little annoying.

Do you think I don’t know what I want to say?  I know myself fairly well and I know what I want.  I’m independent that way (or as you try to put it “node orbs”).

You’re too needy.  I don’t like how you hang on my every word…and then change them.

You don’t know me best, despite your large vocabulary.  Trying to guess what I’m going to say before I say it really stresses me out.

No, it doesn’t tress me out.  Why would I say I’m tresses out?  Why would you change it to tresses?  Don’t you know that making that change in itself tressesme out?

photo credit: woodleywonderworks via photopin cc

photo credit: woodleywonderworks via photopin cc

Of course you don’t, because you’re a know-it-all.  You think you know everything I’m thinking before I say it.  Sometimes you’re wrong.

As long as we’re on this topic,  are you trying to send me subliminal messages about my weight?  Sometimes I try to talk about my friends but you change “friends” to “fitness.”

Not cool, AC, not cool at all.

I don’t want to have to do this, but we may have to disconnect.  I may just have to turn you off.

I don’t want to do that, but it might come to that.

Unless…well…I’ll give you one more chance, but you’ve got to change your ways.

You need to realize you don’t know everything, and sometimes I just want to say what I want, how I want.

You need to stop being so needy.  Sometimes, I don’t want you to fix it. Sometimes I just want you to listen and fix me a drink instead.

Love,

Lisa

22 Thoughts on “A break up letter to Auto-Correct

  1. I’m going…but not because of your threats, or for fear of Jesus…I’m worried you might send Jerry over. 🙂
    Wordifull Melanie just rambled about…Rainy Day IntentionsMy Profile

    • Jerry is definitely a force to be reckoned with! He actually has a friend now that I need to write about. He’s gaining a posse!

      You’re safe though, as you obviously read my post. I’ve let Jerry know.

  2. I don’t like to work for my pleasure. That includes titilating my funny bone as well as everything else. But I’ll make an exception and click over there for you.
    Donofalltrades just rambled about…Dandy Randy and some other ramblins’…My Profile

  3. For some reason, I couldn’t comment over there, so I’m commenting here.

    This is really awkward, because I was also thinking about breaking up with AC this weekend… I fear that if we bombard him with this, though, he’ll just sink into a deep depression over the loss of two of the most amazing people in his life…

    I just don’t think I can do that to a robot.
    Emelie just rambled about…Throwback!!My Profile

  4. “I don’t like how you hang on my every word…and then change them.” Nearly snorted apple up my nose laughing at this. Great post, sweetie!

  5. Hi Lisa!!

    So true!! Thanks for sharing at Thank You Honey’s Whatever Wednesday Party!

    Cheers!

    Sarah
    Sarah just rambled about…Whatever Wednesday VIIMy Profile

  6. This is so exhausting, all of this clicking to come here now clicking to go there. You owe me ice cream.
    The Sadder But Wiser Girl just rambled about…Wordless Wednesday: We All Scream for Ice CreamMy Profile

  7. lol I too am also a victim of autocorrect. I’ve said many a stupid thing thanks to that little know it all!
    Rebeccafaith just rambled about…Be Happy By Being A BabyMy Profile

  8. I finally broke up with Auto Correct when I inadvertently sent my mother-in-law a somewhat naughty text. AC definitely didn’t have my best interests at heart!!
    Mom Rants and Comfy Pants just rambled about…Musings From the Shower – Well Sort Of. Okay, Not Really.My Profile

  9. Actually I find auto-correct makes me sound smarter- I’m that bad.
    Cheryl Nicholl just rambled about…Play It Again SamMy Profile

    • Stop it! You are NOT that bad and you’re way smarter than Auto-Correct. You’re just intimidated by his arrogance. Don’t respond to that tactic and take back the power!

  10. Love this! Too funny. Thanks for making me laugh!
    Science Of Parenthood just rambled about…Newton’s First Law Of ParentingMy Profile

  11. Hilarious. I have disabled auto-correct before and that was equally frustrating. Turned it back on. Damned if I do, damned if I don’t.

    A few days ago, I sent a message to my brother about “this weekend” and it was auto-corrected to “McSwiggen”. WTF?? So now, I just ask my brother, “Whatcha doin’ McSwiggen?” and he totally understands.

    You know, Auto Correct may become a new language on its own.
    Julie just rambled about…One Nightstand.My Profile

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