Dear Auto-Correct,

autocorrectI don’t know how to say this, so I’m just going to let you know the way the kids are doing it these days.  I’m going to write it on the interwebs.

No, please don’t try to guess what I’m going to say; that’s kind of the problem.  You always try to finish my thoughts and sentences and it’s getting a little annoying.

Do you think I don’t know what I want to say?  I know myself fairly well and I know what I want.  I’m independent that way (or as you try to put it “node orbs”).

You’re too needy.  I don’t like how you hang on my every word…and then change them.

You don’t know me best, despite your large vocabulary.  Trying to guess what I’m going to say before I say it really stresses me out.

No, it doesn’t tress me out.  Why would I say I’m tresses out?  Why would you change it to tresses?  Don’t you know that making that change in itself tressesme out?

photo credit: woodleywonderworks via photopin cc

photo credit: woodleywonderworks via photopin cc

Of course you don’t, because you’re a know-it-all.  You think you know everything I’m thinking before I say it.  Sometimes you’re wrong.

As long as we’re on this topic,  are you trying to send me subliminal messages about my weight?  Sometimes I try to talk about my friends but you change “friends” to “fitness.”

Not cool, AC, not cool at all.

I don’t want to have to do this, but we may have to disconnect.  I may just have to turn you off.

I don’t want to do that, but it might come to that.

Unless…well…I’ll give you one more chance, but you’ve got to change your ways.

You need to realize you don’t know everything, and sometimes I just want to say what I want, how I want.

You need to stop being so needy.  Sometimes, I don’t want you to fix it. Sometimes I just want you to listen and fix me a drink instead.