For those of you who regularly read this blog, you know my husband frequently says some funny $hit. You also know that I’m a complete fricking mess and the biggest mystery of all is why my husband stays with me.
That’s a different post for a different day. I suspect a mental health professional(s) will be needed for that analysis.
I suffer through all of this so I can write one of these fabulous posts that you all love so much. You’re welcome.
So here are more funny things my husband said when he wasn’t trying to be funny. Yes, all of these are true, and yes, I also can’t believe he wasn’t snatched up before I found him.
The religious type
Matt: “Damnit clergy!”
Matt: “Who was that?”
Lisa: “Someone wanting us to switch our credit card to a zero interest card for 9 months.”
Matt: “Did you tell her we had zero interest in that plan? ” (grins sheepishly)
After not receiving his pad Thai with vegetables,
Matt: “I don’t need any of those bullshit veggies in my way.”
Matt: “I wish we had millions. I’d buy a f*cking wave runner. I’ve always wanted a wave runner.”
While looking at shrubs for sale at the store, and staring at the shrubbery/bushes.
Matt: “That’s a big bush. Like 1970s bush.”
Matt: “Did you ever read that thing I sent you via email?“
Lisa: “No, what was it?”
Matt: “It was uplifting, goddamn it.”
Matt: “I had a fanny pack when I was younger. It was cool and I put my Velcro wallet in it.
Matt: “Why is that guy being so loud?
Lisa: “He’s just trying to have fun.”
Matt: “He’s doing it wrong.”
Lisa: “I like this bedspread. It’s not masculine but it’s not feminine either.”
Matt: “Aw, you just described me.”
Friend to Everyone
Matt: “He’s a nice guy.”
Lisa: “He defriended me on FB.”
Matt: “F*ck that guy.”
Matt: “I’m just laying here making noises. Why is that creepy?”
Aren’t you inspired? Me too. I’m sure there are more, but my fat fingers just couldn’t record the comments fast enough. That, and I didn’t want to put down my ice cream to type with both hands.
I just wasn’t willing to make that sacrifice.
Don’t worry, though. There will be more of these. There always are.