Wind can be an a-holeSometimes you have a day when you feel like the whole world’s against you.  For me, it was when I found out Justin Timberlake married Jessica Biel and he was off the market.

Obviously, he’s never seen my dance moves, as I’m sure I could have mesmerized him with my movements (of belly fat.)  I know they say the hips don’t lie, and mine definitely say “I love cheese dip!”

But now I’m getting off topic, although I really do love cheese dip.

angry catI recently had one of those days where everything seemed to be going wrong.  It was a work day, which was an automatic strike  against me and my mood.

Perhaps if that day I was able to be at home in bed watching episodes of Arrested Development, things would have been better.

But alas, that pesky mortgage company requires me to pay them monthly, and my totally unreasonable employer actually expects me to work for my paycheck.  Humf!

Recently I drove out of town for work.  The trip was long and boring and Technotronic and TuPac could only keep me awake for so long.

I decided to stop at McDonald’s for a fountain Diet Coke, because McDonald’s adds a little bit of crack goodness to each cup.

Armed with my fix soda, I headed to my settings.

It was a windy day and I had several files with me.  Since I hate lugging around a briefcase on wheels, I decided to carry my files instead.

Of course, my precious addiction Diet Coke had to come as well, as I couldn’t be expected to work without it.

dog with mouth openI grabbed the files, my purse, and my drink, and headed inside.  I got a few steps away from my car and disaster struck.

No, I didn’t fall down, although that’s a totally valid guess.

A gust of wind came along and blew a few papers from one of my files.

Fortunately for me, it didn’t blow my dress up this time.  I think it learned its lesson last time when it blew up my dress and displayed my lady parts to the city of Hannibal.

resized photo of car with files scattered

Yes, I really did stop in the chaos to snap a photo for you, because I know you guys are needy and demand this kind of thing. Look at how sad Deiter looks.

(Again, Hannibal, I’m sorry, but don’t you think the restraining order is a bit of an overreaction?)

I hurried back to my car, put the stack of files on the roof of Deiter (my car) and took a sip of Diet Coke to give me strength for my 30-foot walk.

I  placed the Diet Coke on top of the files to keep them from blowing away.

I patted myself on the back for this genius move as I walked to pick up the escaped paper.

At that moment, evil wind struck again, but stronger than ever.  Before I knew it, my papers and files were strewn about the street, dancing in the wind and collectively flipping me off.

I didn’t know which papers to rescue first, so I started to run down the street to capture those furthest away, and work my way back.

Okay, I didn’t run.  I walked briskly.

As I walked, the wind continued to blow and I yelled “Stop it!” repeatedly, as if mother nature would heed my request.

I continued to yell things like “Balls!” and “Knock that off!” as I chased paper down the street.

980

Out of the corner of my eye I saw a truck turn the corner onto the street.  He approached slowly, being cautious of my situation.  I quickly thanked mother nature for throwing me a bone in my time of need.  Or in this case, a red Ford pickup truck.

I smiled at my knight in shining metal and then realized the truck wasn’t stopping at all. It was just slowing down to avoid a manslaughter charge for running me over.

I watched it drive by, simultaneously running over a few papers as he did so, crushing my pride in the process.

Don’t worry.  I watch enough Tru TV to know about how to collect evidence.  I took a photo of the culprit tire print and sent it to a lab to be analyzed.

I’m offering a reward to anyone who can provide the identity of the vehicle and tire.  the reward will be a fountain soda from McDonald’s.  So yeah, the stakes are high.

Fortunately, I was able to apprehend all the documents, despite my disappointment in mankind and all red Ford trucks.  However, when I got back to the car, I discovered the worst casualty of all.

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RIP Diet Coke.  You left us too soon.

 

 

20 Thoughts on “That wind is a real a-hole

  1. OMG!! I can’t believe you name your car too. My car’s name is Sigmund. This is so something that would happen to me. It is weird I come to read your blog and I always think OMG I have a twin….Maybe I was adopted.
    TAM just rambled about…Wordless Wednesday 4/10/13My Profile

    • Tam,

      You and I are very clearly two amazingly awesome people. All the signs are there. I’m glad you can find humor in my posts and relate to my regular antics and embarrassing tales. Sadly, they’re all true.

      I’ve started taking photos for the simple fact that I suspect people don’t believe me because my life is so fricking random. Walking into Howard Stern, offending bellydancers and chasing files down the street….this is my life!

      I promise I will get caught up on your blog. Work has been so crazy and it’s all I can do just to write a post here every now and again. I hate that!

  2. So sorry for the loss of your diet coke and you must have been inconsolable for at least on few minutes on that one, lol!! Seriously, so not a fan of the wind anymore and felt your pain as I was reading this Lisa!!
    Janine Huldie just rambled about…It’s Not the Oscars, But Still AwardsMy Profile

    • Janine,

      I cannot tell you how devastated I was by the loss of that Diet Coke! I was in the middle of nowhere and had no access to get another one. I felt like yelling out a really long “Nooooooooooo!” and then falling to my knees in a crying fit. That would have properly conveyed my feelings. 🙂

  3. Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo! Not the Diet Coke! Wind IS an a-hole! And I live in Iowa!

    Dieter-please tell me it’s because it’s German and you watched “Sprockets” on SNL. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, then you must immediately contact me and I must educate you!
    The Sadder But Wiser Girl just rambled about…She Got “Rounded Up”My Profile

    • Sarah,

      OF COURSE he’s named Deiter because he’s German and because I loved “Sprockets”…like a “little girl.” Sometimes I tell Deiter “this is the time on Sprockets when we dance.” He had to have a German name and I loved Deiter on that “show.’

      You and I really do share the same brain. 🙂

      I just realized I didn’t get your post you emailed me last night. I will have to check my spam filter. Fricking spam filter!

  4. I LOVE your blog!!! You are so hilarious 🙂 Sorry about the diet coke though… bummer!! Thanks for linking up with us at linkin wih my ladies! I’m a new fan!

    Jessica
    The Wondering Brain
    J just rambled about…Linkin with My ladies Blog Hop #10My Profile

    • I must say the Diet Coke was a major loss, and I mourned him appropriately.

      There were a few drops left so I poured them out, for my “homies.” In this case, my homies were just more Diet Coke.

      Thanks for reading and commenting! I appreciate it! 🙂

  5. The wind here used to knock out our power 4 times a year (they finally gave us a better grid). And it knocked a tree branch into our pool. Now that you mention it, how did I not see this before? Wind IS an A-HOLE!
    Amy (KidFreeLiving) just rambled about…Care and Feeding of a 40 year-oldMy Profile

    • See what I’m saying? He always manages to fly (no pun intended) under the radar.

      Well not anymore! He’s a bully and I’m over it. Of course, if someone figures out how to heat my home with wind, I will reconsider my stance.

  6. I am surprised the yelling at wind didn’t help.
    Speaker7 just rambled about…Ready for Same-Old Same-OldMy Profile

  7. Now see, I would have immediately gone for the Diet Coke save first, and not the papers!!! There truly is something magical about McDonald’s fountain diet coke!!! BUT- if I didn’t go for it first, I absolutely would have gotten in the car with all my soiled papers and drove straight back to McHeaven for a “do-over”. I wouldn’t have made it through the rest of my day had I not!! SO sorry you had this vicious attack of the wind!!!
    Chris Carter just rambled about…I Hear You… I See You.My Profile

    • I really think McDonald’s does something crazy to their Diet Coke. It’s the best Diet Coke ever. I can’t remember who told me this, but I believe it was someone who worked at McDonald’s years ago. Whomever it was said that McDonald’s adjusts their own levels and amount of the mixture, which is why it’s so good. I believe them. Whatever they’re doing….keep on doing it!

      And I didn’t even realize the Diet Coke fell until after the debacle. I was so upset! I was legitimately upset. Isn’t that a little pathetic? Probably, but their Diet Coke is like no other.

      Thanks for reading and commenting!

  8. Too cute, I could actually picture that cottage cheese, I have it too…or is it cheese dip, what ever, mind is so deep I could probably dip my cheese from them. It gave me a chuckle. Visiting from the Linkin hop
    Living F.A.B.ulously on Purpose

    • Thank you for stopping by! I posted that and then went to work, and just got back to my hotel room, so I haven’t had time to read any of the others. I love those blog hops because I usually find a few blogs that I really like.

      I probably need to stop doing them, as I keep finding more and more blogs I need to follow.

      And if I had access to cheese dip all the time, even if it was on my own body, I would be a happy girl. 🙂

      Thanks for reading and commenting.

  9. Julie DeNeen on April 11, 2013 at 10:28 pm said:

    LOL – Hilarious!!! I’m a fellow Diet Coke addict too 🙂

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