David HasselhoffYeah, like I really need to explain why this guy makes me jealous.  Look at those flowing locks.

However, just because I know you’re curious to get inside my head, I’ll let you know why my jealousy is so strong for the Hoff.

1.  He can wear a jacket with lights on it.

Hoff in jacket at Berlin Wall

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Only the Hoff can pull off wearing a jacket that lights up.

Did he worry about rain coming down to electrocute him and his pleather coat?  Of course not, because The Hoff wouldn’t get electrocuted.

If anything, the extra jolts would simply revive him with energy.

He welcomed electrocution while rocking his ablaze blazer.

And did I mention he wore this coat on the fricking BERLIN WALL?!

Ronald Reagan told Gorbachev to “Tear down this wall,” but only The Hoff could bring it to its knees with an electric voice (and an electric coat).

2.  He made a video eating a burger while drunk and he’s still cool.

Hoff eating burger

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So, this guy can make a video doing everything but engaging in coitus with a hamburger in a bathtub, and it’s not big deal.

He gets not much more than some gentle joshing and a spokesperson contract for the third-rate fast food company, Bathroom Burgers.

Extra napkins are just a roll of toilet paper!

But just once, I eat an entire cheesecake on Thanksgiving and all of a sudden it’s “Lisa can’t control her portions” and “How is she not diabetic?”

He probably got away with this because he’s German, and so are hamburgers.

3.  He has a sweet ride.

Hoff and kitt

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A car that talks? Awesome.

Maybe if I had one of those I wouldn’t get lost all the time.

Come to think of it, maybe KITT was the one who had the map to stardom, and The Hoff just rode him to the top, and then dumped him at the nearest salvage lot.

Isn’t that the same thing that happened to Kim Kardashian and Ray J?

4.  He looks good in short shorts.

Hoff in shorts

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Who can disagree with this?  Look at those thighs.  I’d kill to have legs that looked like that.

I’d even take the leg hair with it, which isn’t a big deal, as I’ve got a similar amount now.

It’s been a long winter.  Don’t judge.

5.  He trained with Patsy Swayze.

Yeah, that’s right.  The Hoff learned his sweet dance moves from the woman who gave birth to the King of Kicks.

It’s a little known fact that the  lyrics to Patrick Swayze’s song “She’s Like the Wind” were actually inspired by watching the Hoff leap across the room in tights and a sports bra.

It’s a little known fact, mostly because I just made it up, but it sounds like it could happen.

He really did train with Patsy Swayze, though.

6.  He’s hooked on a feeling.

hooked on a feeling frozen

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What that feeling is, I’m not sure, but he sang about it, and you can’t deny the passion in that performance.

His rendition of this song sold dozens of copies, and will be remembered by approximately half of those who made the drunken midnight internet purchase.

Perhaps The Hoff is confused, and he’s actually hooked on the green screen, as that’s the only conclusion one can come to after watching the video.

If you haven’t watched it, what’s wrong with you? It has everything from girls in nightgowns flying through the air, to Hoff on a mountain, to Hoff in Africa, to Hoff dressed like Chewbaca.  Who couldn’t be hooked on this?

Watch it. Watch it now.  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PJQVlVHsFF8

Even after watching that video repeatedly, I’m surprised every time he catches that fish while wearing a fur coat and flying across the ocean on a surf board.  If that doesn’t explain why I’m jealous of The Hoff, nothing will.

What it doesn’t explain is why The Hoff would be near a stream dressed like Crocodile Dundee, dancing while two wiener dogs drink dirty stream water, and two girls in white nightgowns flap their wings above.

Nevermind.  It totally explains it.

14 Thoughts on “Why I’m jealous of David Hasselhoff

  1. HA HA! Now I’m jealous of him too! 😉

    Thanks for sharing! Stopping by from Blog Hop as your newest follower. I’d love for you to visit me too!

    I can find me here:



    • I feel like when the facts are presented, a reasonable person can’t help but be jealous of the guy. 🙂

      Thanks for stopping by. I shall return the favor. I appreciate you reading and commenting. Happy Monday! 🙂

  2. Julie DeNeen on April 22, 2013 at 11:02 am said:

    You are jealous of him???! You could totally rock the jacket with the lights…and maybe I’ll get to see you drunk eating a burger in Chicago this summer! 😛

    • Oh Julie, I think the chances are quite strong of you seeing me (1) eating a cheeseburger while drunk in Chicago and (2) rocking a jacket with lights (while drunk in Chicago).

      I won’t wear short shorts though. This is my solemn promise to you.

  3. Where do you find this stuff? I gonged the video after 34 seconds, so I’ll take your word for it that girls in white nightgowns showed up.
    Dana just rambled about…Smack Down: Les Miz vs ManilowMy Profile

    • I honestly wish I knew where these ideas come from! They just fly into my brain. A lot of times I will be somewhere and an idea will randomly come to me, so I write it down in my phone so I don’t forget about it.

      This was one of those ideas, but I can’t remember what it was that sparked it. You should see the lists of post ideas I have….they’re both random and bizarre.

      I suspect a psychologist would have a field day looking at my random post ideas. Maybe I could be someone’s doctoral thesis! I’m sure my blog would provide endless hours of study for a mental health professional. 😉

      And if you watched the first few seconds of the video, you got the drift of just how crazy it is. I should have made a guessing game of how many drugs (and what kind) the people were on when they made that video.

  4. I am jealous of it all except for the talking car…I have 5 kids and a hubby…The last thing I need is a condescending car telling me what to do!

    AWESOME list!!! Thanks for sharing at FugalFitFamily!
    Heather may just rambled about…Celebrate Earth Day with this Upcycled Craft!My Profile

    • Good point about the car! I guess I was just thinking I would dominate the conversation with KITT and wear him down so he only does what I tell him to do. So basically, he’d be a robotic version of my husband. 🙂

      Thanks for reading and commenting!

  5. Yeah, he does seem to be able to get away with a lot of things that other people can’t. I’d never really thought of it that way. I’m just jealous that the germans like him!

  6. Ok, seriously you have left me speechless, which is truly not an easy feat!! 🙂
    Janine Huldie just rambled about…Photo Taking Addiction with Casetagram Review & GiveawayMy Profile

    • I hope it’s a good speechless and not a “What in the world has Newlin done now? Should we get her psychiatric help?” kind of speechless.

      Maybe you shouldn’t answer that…:-)

  7. I liked that sweet ride of his the very best.

    Love this post.

    Have a terrific day. 🙂
    Comedy Plus just rambled about…Seymour #13My Profile

    • Yeah, that was a sweet ride, even by today’s standards. KITT was (and is) one sexy beast.

      Thanks for stopping by and for commenting! May you have a KITT kind of day. 🙂

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