When we met, I was a runner and worked out every day. I would actually crave it and if I didn’t make it to the gym, I would have a bad day. WHAT?! I was clearly delusional.
I wonder if I had a tumor that was pushing on my brain, forcing me to make irrational decisions. My dad had a brain tumor years ago, although he just got sick and lost weight. I definitely don’t have that kind. (Don’t worry, he survived and is alive and well, and warning me of the dangers of diabetes.)
Somehow during our relationship, mostly at my prodding, my husband discovered running. I, on the other hand, discovered mint-flavored Oreos.
Although I still go to the gym, I’m not a regular anymore like my husband is. He goes every morning at 5:30, while I’m at home fast asleep, dreaming of pizza and wings. It’s a system that works for us.
This morning, I went to the gym with him. It was partially because I was awake when he went, and partially because I inhaled half of a cookie cake the night before.
No joke. I totally did.
We headed to the gym, and when we arrived, two employees greeted us as we scanned in. Matt went first, and then said the following to me:
“You’re going to take your little card, and put it up here to the scanner. It will scan it and let the gym know we pay for a membership for you.”
Both employees stared at me in horror.
Am I sick of his face? It depends on the day and the amount of butt grabs I’ve received, but I love my husband more than anyone. Just don’t tell him that.
Of course, we sound serious and the woman looked at me in shock, clearly amazed that I allowed such condescension. Clearly, she knew I normally wore the pants in the relationship, and was confused I was so passive.
Normally, I would call him a dick-face or an a$$, but I decided to have a little fun at his expense.
I looked down to the ground, scanned my card without eye contact, and slowly turned around. Matt kissed me on the cheek and went to the weight room. As he walked away, I looked pleadingly at the girl and mouthed “Help me!” before shuffling toward the elliptical machines.
I suspect the cops will be giving my husband a call later today to investigate the allegations the woman most certainly filed with the local police department. I will make sure I’m not home when he gets the call.