As many of you already know, my husband has a way of unintentionally being funny. From his random observations about nature to his comments on the woman buying melons at the store, he has a way of cracking me up without even trying.
It’s not that he’s trying to be ironic or humorous. Ain’t nobody got time for that. Especially him, as he’s far too busy figuring out which Chuck Taylors will go with his outfit, or if his t-shirt needs a second ironing. (It usually doesn’t…but it usually gets one anyway.)
I recently posted a few of the random things Matt said that made me laugh. Since you guys share my sense of humor and love of mocking my husband, I decided to grace you with another post with more of my dear husband’s observations/statements. They’re real gems.
1. Mr. Miranda
Me: “If a cop stops you and tries to detain you, what do you say?”
Matt: “Am I under arrest?…..And then follow it up with ‘you can suck a dick.’ They like it when you assert authority.”
2. Weathering the storm
Matt: “It’s really cold! I’m going to go buy a hoodie.”
Me: “You’re wearing a hoodie.”
Matt: “I need a second hoodie to reinforce this hoodie.‘
3. Silent Stalker (said while we were at a movie premiere at South by Southwest)
Matt: “Olivia Wilde is going to be here. I need to find her.”
Me: “She’s engaged now.”
Matt: “I prefer not to discuss it.”
Matt: “I fail to see your point.”
4. A man with standards (observation about one of his friends)
Matt: “I’m really glad Jordan doesn’t chew tobacco.”
Matt: “It would really put a damper on our friendship.“
5. Mr. G.Q. (I heard this outburst from him in the morning from the other room.)
Matt: “Crap! I put my underwear on wrong side out. That’s, that’s not how you want to start your day.”
6. Dr. Doom (said when referencing Kevin Ware’s broken leg)
Matt: “That guy had a bad broken leg. He’s never gonna dance again.”
I know. He’s ridiculous, but he’s my kind of ridiculous, and these little nuggets of wisdom are sometimes the only thing that keeps our marriage going.
Oh, that and he always unloads the dishwasher.