As many of you already know, my husband has a way of unintentionally being funny.  From his random observations about nature to his comments on the woman buying melons at the store, he has a way of cracking me up without even trying.

It’s not that he’s trying to be ironic or humorous.  Ain’t nobody got time for that.  Especially him, as he’s far too busy figuring out which Chuck Taylors will go with his outfit, or if his t-shirt needs a second ironing.  (It usually doesn’t…but it usually gets one anyway.)

recently posted a few of the random things Matt said that made me laugh.  Since you guys share my sense of humor and love of mocking my husband, I decided to grace you with another post with more of my dear husband’s observations/statements.  They’re real gems.

1.  Mr. Miranda

Me:  “If a cop stops you and tries to detain you, what do you say?

Matt: “Am I under arrest?…..And then follow it up with ‘you can suck a dick.’ They like it when you assert authority.


2.  Weathering the storm

Matt:  “It’s really cold! I’m going to go buy a hoodie.

Me:  “You’re wearing a hoodie.”

Matt:  “I need a second hoodie to reinforce this hoodie.

3.  Silent Stalker (said while we were at a movie premiere at South by Southwest)

Matt:  “Olivia Wilde is going to be here. I need to find her.”

Me:  “She’s engaged now.

Matt:  “I prefer not to discuss it.” 

Me:  “You’re married.

Matt:  “I fail to see your point.” 

4.  A man with standards (observation about one of his friends)

Matt:  “I’m really glad Jordan doesn’t chew tobacco.”

Me:  “Why?”

Matt:  “It would really put a damper on our friendship.

5.  Mr. G.Q.  (I heard this outburst from him in the morning from the other room.) 

Matt:  “Crap! I put my underwear on wrong side out. That’s, that’s not how you want to start your day.”

standing up at spa

6.  Dr. Doom  (said when referencing Kevin Ware’s broken leg)

Matt:  “That guy had a bad broken leg. He’s never gonna dance again.”


I know.  He’s ridiculous, but he’s my kind of ridiculous, and these little nuggets of wisdom are sometimes the only thing that keeps our marriage going.

Oh, that and he always unloads the dishwasher.

17 Thoughts on “More funny things my husband says when he’s not trying to be funny

  1. And I seriously think this is yet another thing that reinforces my thought that yes, we need to get together. My husband is funny, both intentionally and unintentionally. He’s so deadpan about everything it’s hard to know which-sometimes that’s dangerous for me… 😉
    The Sadder But Wiser Girl just rambled about…Weekly Wrap-Up: TheA-Team EditionMy Profile

    • Ha! I totally agree. My hubs is mostly sarcastic but sometimes he can be so innocent about things…like the underwear thing.

      If I didn’t have him in my life making me laugh every day, I don’t know what I would do. But don’t tell him that. I don’t want him getting the wrong idea. 🙂

  2. Hahaha! Great post! I love recording things like this.

    Happy Saturday Sharefest!
    Sarah just rambled about…Spring BreakMy Profile

  3. I think we three need to get together and swap stories, because my husband seriously is so similar. He doesn’t try and yet sometimes he does, but either way he cracks me up quite often, too!! 🙂
    Janine Huldie just rambled about…Weekly Confessions Wrap-Up #8My Profile

  4. Sniggered like an idiot at the you can suck a dick comment. His sense of humour totally appeals to me!

  5. Those were pretty funny. Reminds me of my hubby..although sometimes he tries to be funny, then when he’s not, it makes me laugh. Love your blog. Visiting from SITS.
    Hope just rambled about…Why Am I Still Fat?My Profile

  6. LOL!!

    Husbands are indeed hilarious at times. Mine often makes the most random comments about farts, poop, even boners. Dude, you’re 45. I find it hilarious too but let’s move on to other topics, mmkay? Haha.
    Kim just rambled about…Bellagio Conservatory Celebrates SpringMy Profile

    • They will never move on to other topics! Just tonight we were at a party with a bunch of our friends, and all the husbands were being ridiculous with their comments about poop and farts and boners.

      In a strange way, I felt relieved to know I”m not the only person married to the maturity level of a 7th grader when it comes to bodily functions.

      You are not alone either! 🙂

  7. I love every single number, each more than the last. So awesome! You indeed got a funny dude for a husband. 🙂

    • Aw, thanks! I know he likes to think he’s the funny one of the relationship. I don’t want to burst his bubble though.

      He’s definitely the “pretty” of our relationship. I totally don’t dispute that. 🙂

      Thanks for reading and commenting!

  8. OK Seriously, they are all way funny but this one killed me
    Matt: ”Olivia Wilde is going to be here. I need to find her.”
    Me: ”She’s engaged now.”
    Matt: ”I prefer not to discuss it.”
    Me: ”You’re married.“
    Matt: ”I fail to see your point.”

    Dude. That guy has some serious comic talent. If he could harness it he’d be a millionaire. Since he clearly can’t, it’s all up to you.
    Jen just rambled about…Professor Isaiah and the DynamiteMy Profile

  9. He is one funny guy. Can’t pick a favorite, as they all made me laugh.
    christine just rambled about…GravityMy Profile

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