What I learned from the Jodi Arias trialThe Jodi Arias trial has been everywhere recently.  Whether Americans like it or not, (we don’t) , we’re updated constantly on every aspect of the trial. Some people are in the know because of CNN text updates, and others because networks don’t seem to understand the importance of letting a girl watch her stories without interruption.

Hypothetically….

So here are some things I’ve learned from the Jodi Arias trial.  I realize it’s not over yet, but I probably won’t remember everything by the time this trial is actually done, so I figure I should start writing them down now.

Consider these my notes from class.  I ‘ll even add some doodles of my name and the name of my crush to make it feel authentic.

doodles

These are legit doodles.

1.  Bangs really do make you ugly

Photo credit: http://foxnewsinsider.com/2013/03/15/greta-van-susteren-investigates-what-impact-jodi-arias-testimony-will-have-on-her-trial/

Photo credit:
http://foxnewsinsider.com/2013/03/15/
greta-van-susteren-investigates-what-impact-jodi-arias
-testimony-will-have-on-her-trial/

We’ve all seen the photos of her with blonde hair and a buxom bosom.

I’m not sure what buxom means, but I’ve always wanted to use the term.  I hope I used it correctly.  If not, it stays.  You all know she has huge boobs.

When the crime happened, Jodie was a natural blonde with long hair and a penchant for contact lenses and slutty tops.

Now she’s  a brunette with bangs, modest shirts, and glasses from the 1970s a la The Beatles.

Maybe the makeover and glasses are her subliminal way of paying homage to those boys from Liverpool by quietly yelling out “Help!  I need somebody!”

What she needs, aside from eye shadow and a spray tan, is a prayer.Unfortunately, I don’t think even The Beatles are going to be able to get her out of this one.

Perhaps she took their music too literally and believed all she really needed was love.  Not so much.  Now, she just needs a good set of defense attorneys.

SIDENOTE:  I had bangs as a kid, and I pulled them off.

She should take a lesson from seven-year-old-Lisa on how to rock this look.

2.  The Seven Dwarfs have relevance in today’s culture

http://www.disneystore.com/seven-dwarfs-squeeze-toy-set-7-pc/mp/1251730/1000256/

Why is the first guy winking at me?!
http://www.disneystore.com/seven-dwarfs-squeeze-toy-set-7-pc/mp/1251730/1000256/

All this time I didn’t think Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs had any relevance in my adult life, other than to demonstrate that an apple a day doesn’t necessarily keep the doctor away.

(That creepy dwarf, Doc, stayed by her side the entire duration of her coma, yet didn’t do a single thing to revive her.  Hello!  Malpractice!)

Despite that harsh lesson about Doc, this children’s tale is more relevant now in light of the brutal murder of Travis Alexander.

According to a defense expert, those fun-loving dwarfs were really just abusers in tiny work pants.  Who knew those little guys who loved stew also loved pushing Snow White around, bruising her up and making her do all the house work?

I suspect they did so while listening to a Chris Brown cd.  Just a hunch.

Come to think of it, maybe the clues of dwarf abuse were there all along.  I mean, they didn’t let her go anywhere and kept her all to themselves.

They also sang a very derogatory song where the word “hoe” was used repeatedly.  We always thought the dwarfs were just horrible at songwriting and needed a word to rhyme with “go.”  But perhaps the song was another form of abuse, repeatedly calling Snow White a hoe.

At least they gave her a greeting.

3.  Even when photos are deleted from a camera, they can still be reproduced

digital cameraWho knew when items are deleted from an electronic device, it doesn’t necessarily mean they’re  permanently deleted?

Actually, pretty much everyone knew that, or at least anyone who watches Forensic Files, CSI, NCIS, or anything on TruTV.

It’s not that shocking.  What is shocking, is how many television shows are about forensics.

Now if you’ll excuse me…I have a camera filled with digital photos I need to permanently destroy.  I’m thinking fire…

4. It’s totally normal and acceptable to tell wildly different stories about an event

fingers crossedThis is something I will use quite a bit in my daily life, and I’m thankful to Jodi for making contradictory stories acceptable.

The last cookie? I didn’t even know we had cookies.  I was in another state when those cookies were purchased and consumed.”

What?  You can place me near the cookies?  Oh, yeah, that’s because I was there, but some mean men broke into the house and ate the cookies.  I didn’t tell anyone because I was scared.”

Wait, what?  You know there weren’t any such men?  Yeah, that’s because I totally ate the cookies.  But hey, they had it coming.  They were asking for it with their chocolate chip eyes and their crunchy goodness.

See?  Totally believable.

5.  The “Duck Face” is totally appropriate in a courtroom

Photo Credit: http://abcnews.go. com/topics/news/ jodi-arias.htm

Photo Credit:
http://abcnews.go.
com/topics/news/
jodi-arias.htm

We’ve all seen the obnoxious “duck face” photos of want-to-be strippers on Facebook pages across the US.  It’s normally a symbol of low self esteem and daddy issues.

But now?  Jodi Arias has single handedky lipedly brought the duck face into the legal arena.  Thanks to her, we don’t need to look at photos of young girls taking “selfies” in the bathroom between classes.  We can just look to any one of the ten NBC channels to see that mug.

And there you have it; all the things I’ve learned from the Jodi Arias trial, and it isn’t even over yet!

Can you imagine the kind of knowledge I will have amassed once this trial is over?  I’m going to be as smart as Einstein!  I mean, I’ve already got the crazy hair!

15 Thoughts on “What I’ve learned from the Jodi Arias trial

  1. The cookie analogy was completely appropriate.
    I think that her lawyer must have decided that people would take more pity on a girl with Beatles glasses and greasy bangs. But I think it makes her look more crazy. Don’t they know hot girls get away with everything?
    Heather @ Sugar Dish Me just rambled about…Slice-n-Bake Chocolate Peanut Butter Chip Oatmeal CookiesMy Profile

  2. Julie DeNeen on April 16, 2013 at 9:14 am said:

    LOL. I’m not keeping up with it because I don’t have cable, but this made me laugh. Your take on things is hysterical!

  3. Someone totally needs to channel 7-year-old Lisa. You are right! This girl is a mess in every sense of the word. Thanks for keeping me up to date on current events.
    Kate just rambled about…Literary JunkieMy Profile

    • I feel like keeping you guys updated on the news is one of my main obligations of writing this oh-so-prestigious blog.

      I know you guys depend on me to give an accurate depiction of the world’s events. I don’t want to let you down. 🙂

  4. The glasses aren’t really working either. “Duck Face”. Did you make that term up? I love it. You should trademark it. You’d make a million!

    • I wish I came up with the “duck face” thing. Come to think of it, if you think I came up with it then yeah, I totally did. Yup…all my idea.

      Doesn’t she look ridiculous though? STOP PURSING THE LIPS!

  5. I also have kept up with much of this, but seriously Lisa, your take was priceless. Thanks!! 🙂
    Janine Huldie just rambled about…Old School Blogging–MarriageMy Profile

  6. I have been watching this trial religiously for like the past month!
    I LOVE your take on all of this! There are many days where I find myself getting something out of one of these ‘Expert’ witnesses (while annoying and repetitive they get to be), I swear sometimes I feel like I’m in therapy or something!
    And the part about deleting pictures off of a camera ….I still don’t get why she didn’t take it an dump it, or like you suggested, burn it.

    • IF SHE COULD GET RID OF THE WEAPON, WHY NOT GET RID OF THE CAMERA?! What is wrong with that woman?

      I can’t turn away from it. She’s an idiot and I love watching her purse her lips and try to look sweet and innocent, meanwhile we all remember those interviews when she was first arrested where she was cocky about being acquitted.

      I’m thinking now, not so much. What do you think? Is she going to walk?

  7. It’s Jodi, not Jodie 😉

  8. Ha! I love it. I wonder if her lawyer’s going for ineffective assistance of counsel. She should never have testified.

    • I totally agree she shouldn’t have gone on the stand. She did so much damage, although I can’t imagine a jury would believe she was not guilty even without her making an ass of herself on the stand.

      I think she was just that arrogant to think she could get away with all of it, and if not, she’d get a small sentence.

      Um, not so much, Jodi. And a hint for next time. DESTROY THE ENTIRE CAMERA.

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