My mom's purse and her blinged out phone case.

My mom’s purse and her blinged out phone case.

This is my future.  Look at it.  Is it a photo of a purse with faux fur on it?  Yes, yes it is.

HELP!Is it adorable?  Yes, but that’s not the point.  And the blinged out phone cover? Also adorable, but also gaudy, no?

The point is this:  I’m turning into my mother.

Don’t get my wrong, I tolerate love my mother, so turning into her is isn’t a bad thing.

But so soon?  So quickly?

I figured I’d be at least late 50s before the resemblences started creeping in.  Apparently not.

I’ve been denying it for years, but it’s quickly becoming a realization I don’t think I can deny anymore.  The transformation has begun!

<to be read in a loud voice with ominous music in the background.>

I know, I know, few more horrific words have ever been uttered.  It’s what every young girl fears the most.

Well, that and the clap, but I guess since I dodged that bullet, I’m stuck with the other fear.

Whether it’s the lesser of two evils is something I’m not sure of, although I know one of them can be cured with penicillin.

laughing with mouth openIt came on gradually (the transformation, not the clap). I think both ailments may come on gradually but the transformation into my mother didn’t involve itchiness or the urge to pee myself.

Either way, I noticed the changes slowly.

Uttering a cheesy phrase under my breath was the first sign.

Want an example?  Well, you’re getting one.

When watching an episode of Law & Order: SVU, the opening credits indicated one of the actors was named B.D. Wong.

Without even thinking, I yelled out “He B.D. Wong guy for the job!”

Is that joke hilarious?  Of course it is, which is why I began cracking up immediately after I said it.

But then I looked around the room and saw the expressions I knew so well; the eye rolls, the moaning in irritation.

I know them because that’s my standard response to my mother’s jokes that aren’t really that punny.  (Ha!  Punny!  I’m on a roll!)

drugsSimple enough.  I figured it was just one instance of bad joke-telling.  If Seth McFarlane can do it, so can I.

But then it moved onto conspiracy theories.  That’s when I started to notice I may need to seek help.

Was the government trying to take over my life by taxing me to death?  Obviously, as evidenced by this year’s tax return.

Did my office have a secret stash of cookies my coworkers hide from me because they know I’d eat them if I knew about them?  Probably.

But let’s face it; that’s probably a good idea on their part.

One thing I do know for sure, though, is that YES, all the kids really are on drugs these days.  Every. Single. One. Of. Them.

As if these small tendencies creeping into my life weren’t enough, another symptom appeared that made it far more real.  The humming started.  That’s when I knew it was serious.

girl singing with microphoneIt was one thing to believe every kid over the age of 14 was a heroin junkee.  (I blame “the MTV” and the video games.)

But it’s quite another to hum songs loudly in public. Worst of all?  I found myself trying to hum the harmony.

FOR SHAME!

Now it’s just snowballing.  I find myself drawn to sparkly things that most people, and Lisa from 5 years ago, would have found gaudy.  But now, a part of me thinks “That’s kind of pretty.  Look at it sparkle.”

For some reason, my taste in glittery things has skyrocketed and there’s no way to stop it.  Why would I buy a pair of plain glasses when I could get a pair with rhinestones blinged out on the sides?

I wouldn’t.

I guess they say that acceptance is the first step.  I’m not sure if I’m there yet, but I suppose I’m on the road to that destination, not paying attention and sideswiping vehicles as I go.

sparkleMaybe it’s not so bad.

After all, my mom isn’t that far away from the senior citizen discount, and I love saving money.

Plus, the sparkly tops and glittery glasses will make it easier for people to find me when I inevitably fall down or get lost on the street looking for my car.

21 Thoughts on “Help! I’m turning into my mother!

  1. I say you got off easy. I turned into my mother 41 years ago. Her, make that MY affliction, wicker. Thankfully, my husband minds it less than my Father.

    Thanks for linking up (http://www.journeysofthezoo.com/2013/04/bloglovin-linky-thursday-april25.html).

    Besos, Sarah
    Blogger at Journeys of The Zoo
    Journeysof TheZoo just rambled about…Around Here We Eat Caviar with a Spoon {Drivel}My Profile

    • Wicker?! Your affliction is wicker? I have no idea why, but this just made me laugh out loud!

      I like wicker…but not on shoes. If you say you like huaraches shoes, I may have to ban you from my site. 🙂

  2. OMG Lisa, this is so funny I don’t even know where to start. I’ve hummed along to tunes playing at the grocery store, caught myself, looked around, realized nobody really cares (or if they do, they’re long gone by the time I think to look around for them), and then resumed. Totally by accident. Channeling my mother. So glad you avoided the clap. Sadly, it seems that turning into our mamas isn’t curable. And you’ll be glad to have that bling on your glasses. So will the rest of us. 🙂
    Kristi Campbell just rambled about…The Our Land Series – The Broken PeopleMy Profile

  3. Lisa – Stay.away.from.the.bling. The only sparkly things a girl over age 11 should own are pieces of jewelry. If I catch you with a bedazzled pair of readers I will smack you over the head with your faux fur purse.
    Dana just rambled about…Would You Take a Do-Over?My Profile

  4. I will totally laugh with you at all your puns. However, I ask that you SLOWLY step away from the fur purse. I am getting the creepy crawlies…
    Kate just rambled about…Whatever’s cleverMy Profile

  5. Oh goodness… It’s a fate none of us can avoid. I’ll know I’m there when I start just making up the lyrics to my favorite songs… and using Jazzercise moves on the dance floor.
    Emelie just rambled about…I Feel Like I’m Constantly Asking You All Not To Judge Me…My Profile

  6. Don’t feel bad, I am turning into my grandmother and I am only 51!
    Antionette Blake just rambled about…OOTD – The Grass Isn’t Always GreenerMy Profile

  7. SmackOfHam on April 27, 2013 at 10:32 am said:

    Awesome post! I think we all start to imitate our parents as we get older. Like my Dad, I’ve found myself far less tolerant of bureaucracy and general BS when dealing with companies and other humans and am no longer shy about expressing my opinions about them. My next evolution will involve sitting at the window waiting for the mailman to drop off the daily mail and running out to grab it before it settles in the box.

    And don’t get me started about those damn kids always on my lawn…

  8. Hi! Found you on A Mommy;s Blog Design blog hop. I love this, so funny! I was 30 and am already finding that I am turning into my Mom as well, like you something I didn’t expect to happen until I was like 50. My husband also likes to point out to me that I am turning into her. I guess it was bound to happen. Now following you via Blogovin’
    ~Jackie @ The Non-Martha Momma

  9. Too funny! I think it happens to all of us in one way or another.
    Thanks so much for linking up at the Real Family Fun link party! Hope to see you next week.
    KC
    KC @ The Real Thing with the Coake Family just rambled about…French Toast RecipeMy Profile

    • Thanks for stopping by! I’m so glad you enjoyed my post. I feel like whether we want to believe it or not, everyone can relate to turning into their mother.

      The night I posted this my dad called me at 10:30 at night and I thought something was wrong. He said he and my mom were laughing so hard they were crying at this. I’m just glad (1) I was accurate and (2) I didn’t offend them!

  10. LOL this was hilarious. I hate to admit it but I kinda like the purse, and love the cellphone case. My mom and I are already exactly alike. But were are just 18 years apart so that’s not too. I think we are meeting our older and younger selves halfway.

    About humming, I was in Dunkin Donuts before Christmas was really crankin’. You know like if it’s still warm like here in NC, and the Christmas stuff was up the day after Halloween – anyway back to Dunkin Donuts, the line was long and the lady behind was humming Baby It’s Cold Outside. And she hummed the WHOLE thing and the parts. I never had the guts to turn around and look at her but I really wanted to give her the “Seriously?” look.

    Thanks for linking up with TALU
    Kenya G. Johnson just rambled about…Tuesday Archive Link Up #43My Profile

    • WHY DID SHE HUM THE ENTIRE SONG?! I seriously think humming is a form of torture. Did she try to do the harmony? That is the WORST. I think I’d rather hear someone sing than hear them hung.

      Actually, I’d rather hear them shut the hell up. 🙂

      Thanks for reading and commenting. I appreciate it.

      P.S. I think both the purse and the phone cover are cute. The transformation is totally happening.

  11. Hi
    Visiting to say thanks for sharing at my blog hop. I turned into my mother years ago and I still don’t like it. What do you do? Lol
    Angel

  12. Pingback: Help! I'm Turning Into My Mother! - What The Flicka?

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