I took this and he didn't know it.  I crack up every time I look at it.

I took this and he didn’t know it. I crack up every time I look at it.

I’ve been sick for a week.  Yes, a full fricking week.  It’s been painful for everyone, but mostly me because…you know…I feel bad.  Duh.

Maybe it’s being home sick, or maybe it’s the medications I’m on that make me loopy, but I feel like my husband is being a bit more funny than usual. I’ll let you decide.

Here are a few examples of things he’s said recently.  Yes, these are actually things he’s said when he isn’t trying to be funny.

That fact makes me happy, and then sad, and then happy again.

Fashion Police

Matt in slippersAre you sad I don’t wear leather jackets?

Safety Conscious

Matt: “Why is that car waiting?  I’m not turning.”
Lisa:  “He’s just trying to be safe.”
Matt:  “He’s just trying to be a pussy.”

Observationist

Log Cabin Lane?  That’s adorable but there’s no log cabin anywhere in sight.”

Internet Researcher

I want to know exactly how Kevin Ware hurt himself so I can make sure I don’t do the same thing.”

Matt and Bentley sleepingPillow talk

Why don’t you sleep with your head on the pillow?  It’s not good for your neck…and it’s really inconvenient for me. ”

Know-it-all

Matt: “I’ll take the chicken Pad Thai, no vegetables.”
Waiter:  “Do you want peanuts with it?”
Matt: “Yes.”  (after the waiter walks away) Peanuts aren’t a vegetable, they’re a f*cking legume.”

All About Image

Yup, I”m all about my image.  It’s why I work in financial aid and drive a Saturn Ion.”

Directionally Challenged

Matt: “This Google Maps Street View is awesome.”
Lisa:  “What is it?”
Matt:  “It s a street view of Google Maps.”

Matt passed outSmart Ass (literally)

Lisa:  “Oh look, the entrance is in the rear.”
Matt:  *muttered under breath* “Not in this relationship it isn’t.”

Sniff Test

Matt:  “What’s that smell in here?”
Lisa:  “It’s onions.”
Matt:  “It smells like death.”

Literary Genius

I like my books like I like my women.  Cheap, and sometimes dirty.”

You’re jealous.  I know.  I’m a lucky gal.

funny crap my husband says, April 2013

26 Thoughts on “Funny things my husband says: April 2013 installment

  1. LOL! These guys we’re married to are a bunch of unintentional comedians.
    The Sadder But Wiser Girl just rambled about…Help, HELP! I’m Trapped at Target!My Profile

  2. He sounds like a funny guy.

    BTW, I tried to comment on the closet quote, but your blog wouldn’t let me.
    Joyce just rambled about…#AtoZ X for eXpelling GasMy Profile

  3. Hysterical!! You’re right- I AM jealous!
    Kate just rambled about…Xenodocheionology… say what?!?!My Profile

    • I seriously wonder what’s wrong with him some days. But at least now he knows when I write them down because as soon as he says something ridiculous, I pick up the phone, and then one-handed, I slide the screen open on the iPhone.

      The way I do it tells him it’s going into my notes section for another post. That guy….

  4. He sounds hilarious!
    Amber just rambled about…Husband Deploys. Things Break.My Profile

    • I like to think he’s a distant second to myself. He likes to think the opposite.

      In reality, probably neither one of us are right.

      Thanks for reading and commenting. 😉

  5. If my husband had a blog it would just be short videos of him rolling his eyes with the caption “my wife” underneath each one.

    Also, your husband sounds hilarious. I promise, I won’t tell him.
    Jean Heff just rambled about…PassionMy Profile

    • Yeah, my hubby is pretty funny. I will totally deny that though.

      We really should have our hubbies write a blog post sometime. It would be interesting what they would say…

  6. Given your own hilarity, I am not at all surprised that your husband is funny too. Mine’s a smart ass too, but I kinda like it.
    Dana just rambled about…Would You Take a Do-Over?My Profile

    • I LOVE that my husband is a smart ass. Honestly, we crack up every single day and it’s super fun. I can’t imagine a marriage without laughter.

      I’m glad you have it too! 🙂

  7. LOL I have one of those husbands too..Gets me every time.
    Happy #SITSSharefest. Enjoy your weekend.
    Amy Owen just rambled about…Birth of a Mission: Passion for Vital ChangeMy Profile

  8. HA! I love that you keep track… not to mention adding in all of the sneaky pictures of him sleeping!

    Thanks so much for stopping by recently, you brightened my day! 🙂
    Xenia @ Thanks, Mail Carrier just rambled about…Winners!My Profile

  9. I love the funny ones who don’t realize they’re funny. My faves on this list are Internet Researcher (b/c he could play pro ball one day) and Smart Ass, because that’s what my husband says, too. A lot.
    Melissa@Home on Deranged just rambled about…Second Chance Sunday blog hop – because every blog deserves a second chanceMy Profile

    • I about died at the internet researcher one! It was like he truly was thinking he might actually suffer that same injury!

      I’m glad I’m not the only one who has a funny/smart ass husband.

  10. That Smart Ass comment…ditto here.
    thoughtsappear just rambled about…Movie Monday: The Perks of Being a WallflowerMy Profile

  11. LOL! I think my hubby does the same thing. He tries not to be funny but whatever comes out of his mouth I can’t help but laugh! Thanks for sharing this @ The Show Off Blog Party!

    BTW… I’m not sure if you can but try inserting the button using the html page. If not, I can email you the button and you can go from there :). Let me know!

    Jessica
    The Wondering Brain
    Jessica just rambled about…A Monday Shout Out to Four Awesome LadiesMy Profile

  12. Your hubby is hilarious! Sounds like mine. Love your blog!! Thanks so much for joining us at the bloglovin’ hop! So glad you did. Your new follower. Look forward to reading to more.

    Kathy
    lifeonlakeshoredrive.com
    Kathy Moody just rambled about…A Special Day with Kathe with an E Celebration and Linky PartyMy Profile

  13. Legumes. Fantastic.
    Thanks for linking up with us this week!  Stop by One Organic Mama Thursday for THE Pin it Party and this weekend for the Weekend Block Party!  Hope to see you again!!  <3
    Kristin @ OneOrganicMama just rambled about…Toppah’s Sensory TableMy Profile

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