I’ve been sick for a week. Yes, a full fricking week. It’s been painful for everyone, but mostly me because…you know…I feel bad. Duh.
Maybe it’s being home sick, or maybe it’s the medications I’m on that make me loopy, but I feel like my husband is being a bit more funny than usual. I’ll let you decide.
Here are a few examples of things he’s said recently. Yes, these are actually things he’s said when he isn’t trying to be funny.
That fact makes me happy, and then sad, and then happy again.
Matt: “Why is that car waiting? I’m not turning.”
Lisa: “He’s just trying to be safe.”
Matt: “He’s just trying to be a pussy.”
“Log Cabin Lane? That’s adorable but there’s no log cabin anywhere in sight.”
“I want to know exactly how Kevin Ware hurt himself so I can make sure I don’t do the same thing.”
“Why don’t you sleep with your head on the pillow? It’s not good for your neck…and it’s really inconvenient for me. ”
Matt: “I’ll take the chicken Pad Thai, no vegetables.”
Waiter: “Do you want peanuts with it?”
Matt: “Yes.” (after the waiter walks away) “Peanuts aren’t a vegetable, they’re a f*cking legume.”
All About Image
“Yup, I”m all about my image. It’s why I work in financial aid and drive a Saturn Ion.”
Matt: “This Google Maps Street View is awesome.”
Lisa: “What is it?”
Matt: “It s a street view of Google Maps.”
Lisa: “Oh look, the entrance is in the rear.”
Matt: *muttered under breath* “Not in this relationship it isn’t.”
Matt: “What’s that smell in here?”
Lisa: “It’s onions.”
Matt: “It smells like death.”
“I like my books like I like my women. Cheap, and sometimes dirty.”
You’re jealous. I know. I’m a lucky gal.