Doesn't it look a little like a butt crack behind those hands?

Doesn’t it look a little like a butt crack behind those hands?

Today is Earth Day and I have absolutely no idea what to write about.

I know I should talk about saving the Earth, blah blah blah, but I don’t know what to say except the following:

Recycle.

Don’t be a d-bag and litter

and then recycle again.

I need you peeps to recycle.  Got it?

And that’s where I am on Earth Day.  So I’ve decided to expand my take on Earth Day and talk about being green.

I figured I would talk about the first thing that comes to mind when I think of green.  It’s Kermit the Frog, of course.

Then I wasn’t sure what I would say about Kermit other than he’s a sexy beast who looks good with or without clothing.

It’s a feat few attain, yet Kermit is the epitome of nudity.  Can any of his fellow Muppets pull off the totally nude look?  Of course not.

Rowlf the Dog

Photo credit:
http://muppet.wikia.
com/wiki/Rowlf_
the_Dog

Okay, so maybe Rowlf the Dog is naked, but he always has that piano at waist level, which tells me he’s insecure about something.  I suspect I know what it is…

He’s not neutered, of course.  Geez.  You guys are such pervs.

<insert public service message about spaying/neutering your animals or I will cut your balls off.>

Where is this post going?  Good question.

If you’re still reading and haven’t gone to PBS to watch Sesame Street, then I will tell you where this post is headed.

To the gutter.  Or actually, to the streets.  Follow my logic.

For some reason, in thinking about Kermit, I began to wonder if Kermit was a lover or a fighter.  He always pushes away Miss Piggy’s advances, which suggests he may be a fighter.

Which begs the question: Who would win if Kermit got into a fight with Elmo?

I’m not talking about one of those “You took the last fruit roll-up so I’m going to kick you in the shins and run away” fights.  I’m talking about a true fight.  With biting and crap.  Who would win?

That frisky frog is one good looking dude, but is he scrappy?  He seems like such a nice guy, and he does let Miss Piggy walk all over him.

Okay, she doesn’t literally walk all over him, as that would most certainly crush his rib cage…unless he’s into that sort of thing.

Wait, a frog doesn’t have ribs.  Plus for Kermie!

kermit

Photo credit:
http://muppet.wikia.
com/wiki/Kermit_
the_Frog

But what about his physical prowess?  He has scrawny arms, but is he strong?  Does he work his core, or only his glamour muscles?

He might be an underrated opponent just because of his size, yet he could bench press like a sonofabitch.

I’ve seen it done.  Not by an amphibian, but by scrawny guys at the gym whose moms drop them off after swim practice.

But then there’s Elmo.  I don’t know what species he is, other than a creeper who talks like a child despite the fact he frequently wears suits.

I think he’s supposed to be a monster of some sort, but I don’t know any monsters who giggle like school girls.

Photo credit: http://muppet.wikia. com/wiki/Elmo

Photo credit:
http://muppet.wikia.
com/wiki/Elmo

Come to think of it, maybe he’s neutered, and that’s why he has such a high-pitched voice.

That could be a point in his corner for overpowering Kermit, as he wouldn’t have his manly monster parts to get in the way of a smackdown.

Instead of making you read my word vomit, which is clearly what this post is, I’ve decided to make a tally of things each opponent has going for and against him.

You’re welcome.

Kermit Pros

Elmo Pros

  • No ribs, so he’s harder to injure
  • Sticky tongue to trap victims
  • Has a fat girlfriend to fight his battles

 

  • No genitals, so a kick in the balls does nothing
  • He looks like a biter
  • Has no friends, which suggests he’s crazy and has nothing to lose.

Kermit Cons

Elmo Cons

  • Hibernates for winter, which demonstrates he’s a pussy.
  • Needs to keep skin wet to stay alive (I’m  not sure how this affects his felt skin)
  • Has sworn enemies that could assist opponent in battle, like snakes and fish
  • Can’t grasp the basic concept of the first person, which shows he’s stupid.
  • Has furry red skin that could easily be pulled like hair.
  • He’s tickelish.  He’s fricking tickelish, people!

 

So there you have it:  my thoughts on the pros and cons of who would win in a fight on Sesame Street.  I’m not sure, and I suppose I will leave it up to you to decide who would prevail in this matchup of Muppets.

Let me know your thoughts, and if I can figure out how to do a little chart of answers, I will.  And by “I” I mean if someone else can figure that out. We all know I can’t figure that out.  If I could, I would have done it already.

So let me know who you think would win, and your thoughts on why. This is a very important topic, especially on Earth Day.

boxing gloves on wall

25 Thoughts on “Earth Day and a Smackdown on Sesame Street

  1. Fucking. Hilarious.

    ‘Nuff said?

    Probably not, but that’s all I’m going to say for now.

    You rock. Okay, that too.
    Quirky Chrissy just rambled about…Stargazing, Meteor Showers, and MeMy Profile

  2. I love how you totally tied this to Earth Day. I thought I was the queen of stringing random thoughts together, now I am giving you the crown!
    The Sadder But Wiser Girl just rambled about…EXTREME GREEN!My Profile

  3. This post is absolutely amazingly hilarious. I would write more, but I’m busy laughing out loud over here. seriously, my ribs might start to hurt. lol
    xoxo Aimee
    bowsandbeau-ties.blogspot.com
    Aimee just rambled about…Trend-Spotting | Flirty Eyelet DressesMy Profile

    • Aw, thank you! It really was word vomit for me today! It’s kind of scary that I let you guys see what goes on in my head…although if you read this blog, you know I’m crazy!

      Thanks for reading and commenting! I’m so glad you enjoyed it and laughed. It’s what life is about. 🙂

  4. The funniest & most random blog post I’ve read today. Thank you for that!
    Bianca @ Track Pants and a Tot just rambled about…Be StillMy Profile

  5. Kermit would so win if he were to ever fight with Elmo, so let me break this down further.
    Kermit’s Posse – Kermit hangs out with all sorts of unpredictable characters, for example Animal, the Sweedish Chef, and Chuck Norris.
    Animal – Everyone knows that he is a bipolar schizophrenic with a criminal record. Would you really want to piss him off by beating up his friend Kermit? Come on’ really. This would not be a good choice.
    The Sweedish Chef – Also, mentally unstable, wait I am starting to see a trend here. I read a recent article where he teamed up with Jeffrey Dahmer. I mean, come on you piss him off and you will probably be dinner the next night, and really what does Bort, Bort, Bort mean anyway??? My translation screw with Kermy and I will fuc* you up Bit*. But then again, who know…Do you really want to find out.
    Chuck Norris – I hear that Chuck and Kermit are buddies, they went to college together. I seriously, doubt that Elmo in his snazzy suit can talk Chuck out of kicking his butt. Chuck Norris would make Elmo into a Jalapeno pretzel.
    The second and perhaps more compelling reason that Kermit would win a fight between himself and Elmo is….Elmo has epilepsy. When Kermit gets upset (we have seen this numerous times when he gets upset at Piggy) that he spins his head and waves his arms. This would be enough motion to cause Elmo to have seizure. Ohh, come on, in a fight you gotta take what you can get. Then Kermit would for sure be able to twist him into Jalepeno pretzel for sure.
    I have a lot more compelling reasons that Kermit would win a fight between he and Elmo, but I have to pay attention in this meeting, and my fingers are getting tired of typing this on my phone. So, I will close for now.

    May I suggest though that if it actually came to blows they would not fight at all, perhaps they would end up making out, and Piggy is just a beard to protect Kermit’s public image…

    Ok, so I may be a little messed up.
    TAM just rambled about…Texting Tuesday: the health screening… and peanut butterMy Profile

    • It’s this type of analysis I can always rely on from you! This reminds me I need to post your answer to my application for my entourage as it was the clear winner.

      I do think Animal is crazy and would cut a bitch if necessary. Or if not necessary. He’s unpredictable.

      And I was DYING about Elmo having epilepsy, although now that you mention it, he does go into seizures when he laughs. All the signs are there, and I’m sad I missed the diagnosis, although if anyone can pick up my slack, it’s you.

      I encourage more reading of my blog during meetings. It helps keep you awake and alert, so basically it’s a public service.

  6. funny, and random, two of my favorite things.

    my money is on kermit, because he seems to have a fighter’s mind more than elmo, who doesn’t seem to have that killer instinct you would need to take out kermit.
    Anna just rambled about…Get Healthy with Walgreens Steps with Balance RewardsMy Profile

    • I agree completely! I also like to believe that good would prevail over evil, and Elmo is clearly evil with his creepy voice and strange love of tickling and laughing.

      I feel like Kermit is the good guy….like the Atticus Finch of frogs. Maybe Atticus Frog?

      That was horrible. Forget I wrote that.

      Thanks for reading and commenting. 🙂

  7. Kermit wins,hands down. However, if you bring in Cookie monster, all bets are off. He would view his opponents as Christmas cookies (green and red) and gobble them up. End of story.
    Menopausalmother just rambled about…Fly On The Wall in The AsylumMy Profile

  8. I’m on Elmo’s team on this one.. He’s freaking crazy. Crazy always wins. Plus… Kermit is like the Mr. Rogers of Muppets.
    Emelie just rambled about…This Post Reeks of ADD and I’m Sor— BUNNY!!!My Profile

  9. I’m pretty sure Kermit would win because Elmo would just get distracted by cookies or butterflies or something. Kermit has an edge.
    Kate just rambled about…Tips, tricks and thrustsMy Profile

  10. What was this post about again? Oh yeah, Earth Day. Kermit would kick Elmo’s ass, but Elmo would just giggle and say it tickles.
    Dana just rambled about…Smack Down: Les Miz vs ManilowMy Profile

    • Kermit has an astounding lead. I thought it would be a little more neck in neck, but most people are team Kermit.

      I will admit that Elmo’s biggest Achilles heel is the tickling. I also can’t understand anything Elmo says. He just mumbles and giggles.

  11. Taking the last fruit roll-up is serious business. That would cause a real fight for me. Unless it was grape.
    thoughtsappear just rambled about…Almost Wordless Wednesday: Esme Shark Attacks!My Profile

  12. Okay, first? You’re HILARIOUS. Why haven’t I stopped in here before?! Regardless, thanks for the chuckle. And THANK YOU, SITS!

    Anyhoo, I’d have to go with Kermit. I don’t trust that red-headed-high-pitched whatever he’s supposed to be. Although, in his defense, I suppose he could laugh uncontrollably and annoy his opponent long enough to sneak in with a sucker punch. Such a scrappy b*tch, that Elmo. KERMIT FOR THE WIN!!!!
    Charlotte just rambled about…meet Kos, the latest foster dog to steal my heartMy Profile

    • Aw, I’m so glad you stopped by! I love that you enjoy my crazy sense of humor and wacky thought process.

      And the results have been quite overwhelming for Kermie. He has quite the loyal following.

      When I started writing this I believed it was Elmo, because that guy is one fricking crazy dude. But you guys have been quite persuasive in convincing me it should be Kermit!

      Thanks for coming by and commenting. I think we will get along just fine. 🙂

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