Everybody loves Howard Stern. And by “everybody,” I mean probably about half of the population. The other half wants to chop off what are most likely disgustingly old and sagging balls and shove them down his throat.

Photo from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Howard_Stern

Photo from http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Howard_Stern

I don’t really have a preference, although I agree he probably has disgusting balls. I fall somewhere in between wanting to have a beer with the guy (only if he’s buying), and wanting to feed him a scrotum sandwich with an extra dose of women’s rights.

I don’t know how to transition into this next part of the story so I’m just telling you I’m transitioning now, which is probably just making it worse. Follow along.

I’m currenty in South Florida, pretending like I’m a baller and not convincing anyone. I’m a horrible actress and I don’t think asking if they serve “Two-Buck Chuck” wine helped sell my story. (They don’t.) But a hey, girl’s gotta dream.

This afternoon I walked through the enormous lobby of the Ritz Carlton in West Palm Beach. In an effort to look important, (and to hide the fact I was wearing sunglasses from the dollar store), I looked at my iPhone as I briskly walked through the lobby. I wanted people to think I was reading important emails, when what I was really doing was checking to see if Amanda Bynes had any new Twitter updates.

SIDE NOTE: If you are not following her on Twitter, do it now. What’s wrong with you?

I quickly realized I couldn’t read and walk at the same time, so I headed for a comfortable looking couch to rest. I almost reached my safe place when I smacked into what I thought was a wooden mop with a black head.

I looked up, expecting to see the janitor and his cleaning supplies. As I lifted my head from my very important correspondence (tweet) I wondered why a janitor was bringing the cleaning equipment through the main lobby area. Didn’t he know very important people were tweeting in there?

And then I saw who it was.

It was fricking Howard Stern…all 92 pounds of him….

Frickety Frick!

I apologized in my best “I’m totally wealthy and I know who you are and don’t care because I’m really rich” voice. I don’t think he bought it. Or if he did, he wouldn’t have been willing to pay more than the dollar I paid for my sunglasses.

Immediately I cursed myself for not buying the fancy sunglasses at Target for $19.99. Had I known I would bump into America’s raunchiest/funniest radio host, I would have splurged. Once again, my love of bargains screwed me over!

He shuffled away with this wife Beth, who looked adorable in her floppy hat that probably cost more than my mortgage.

They both walked away and I realized that collectively they weighed as much as I did.

You know I’m not a good photo journalist, but you guys push me to be better, so here’s the best I could do without looking like a total freak show chasing him to his room with my iPad.

Isn't Beth adorable?

Isn’t Beth adorable?

 

Howard Stern in the hiz-ouse!

Howard Stern in the hiz-ouse!

Howard and Beth are looking to move to South Florida to avoid taxes in NYC, so says the word on the street (which is really just my Google search.) I don’t know if that’s true, but if they decide to move to Florida, do you think they will be looking for a roommate?

It could be just like “Three’s Company.” I would even be willing to be the super-annoying Janet and Matt could be the always dapper Mr. Roper.

Come and knock on our door, Howard! We’ll be waiting for you!

 

12 Thoughts on “And then I bumped into Howard Stern…

  1. Ok, I always liked Howard Stern from his movie and still can’t but laugh when I see it. I know that was quite sometime ago, but probably would have been just as starstruck as you were. And the Three’s Company reference, I just fell in love with you a bit more!! 🙂
    Janine Huldie just rambled about…Finish the Sentence Friday Blog Hop #14My Profile

  2. So funny! And I love your stealthy photo!
    Darcy Perdu just rambled about…The New Nanny’s Surprising No-NoMy Profile

    • Darcy, I’m so glad you appreciate my photo journalistic talents. I felt like TMZ all up in their business…which was really just a respectable distance away with my iPad pretending to check my email. 🙂

  3. Important Question: No Robin? Where was Robin?!
    Heather @ Sugar Dish Me just rambled about…Chocolate Cake CookiesMy Profile

    • No Robin anywhere! Honestly, she’s the one I would prefer to talk to. I think she’s hilarious and I love how she puts up with him, yet puts him in his place when she needs to.

      I think I would have been more starstruck by Robin!

  4. Where the kisses are hers and hers and his…you could even be Mrs. Roper and wear those awesome mumus. (moo moos? muu muus? whatever – they cover a multitude of sins). Great shots of Howard and Beth!
    Dana just rambled about…A Typical Week – it was Feet-astic!My Profile

    • I would LOVE to be Mrs. Roper…although i don’t think I’m as annoying as she is, nor do I go as heavy on the lipstick as she does. (Although I do like me drinks!)

      I fricking love moo moos! About 10 years ago I had an ankle surgery and I had a cast up to my knee for about 2 months. When I was at home I would wear some cheap ones I bought at Walmart because they were super easy to wear and went over my cast.

      They were also great with crutches as I could use the pockets to put bottles of water in and then crutch back to the couch.

      I kept them after my cast was off but my husband finally threw them away. I don’t blame him, but they were delightful!

  5. I know who Howard Stern is but know very little about him. Is that sad? But if I ran into him I would be sooooo totally star struck because it was somebody famous! Kind of like when I say something to famous bloggers on Twitter and they answer my tweets! Amber Dusick probably thinks I’m stalking her, I just think she’s cool…

    I met Ana Gasteyer once and shook her hand. That’s all I got.
    The Sadder But Wiser Girl just rambled about…Weekly Wrap-Up: TheA-Team EditionMy Profile

    • I’m not really a huge celebrity person for some reason. I usually steer clear of them just because I figure they don’t want people all up in their business.

      And I never tweet famous people. I totally should.

  6. Fun story and I think your stealth photo was awesome! I used to listen to Howard “back in the day” and I did like “Private Parts.” And yes, I think Beth is cute. I particularly like her b/c she’s an animal rights person or maybe I just think she is…
    Emily just rambled about…8 Items Boy-Moms Can’t Live WithoutMy Profile

    • She’s TOTALLY an animal rights person! So is he.

      Honestly, that would have been the only reason I would have stopped to try to talk to them.

      It just would have been to thank them for all they do to spread the word about treating animals properly and adopting instead of shopping

      I love it when celebrities use their fame to promote a great cause, and both of them do.

      And now I like you a little more because you are clearly an animal rights person. 🙂

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