Having a fabulous time on Oscar
night. Please disregard the purple
sock monkey dressed like Dracula
that’s on the floor. He was NOT
my date.

The Oscars were last week, and I’m sure you all watched, hoping for a glimpse at this year’s new fashion trends (and maybe a nip slip or two).  I also watched the Oscars, but mostly because we hosted an Oscar party and the only way it was socially acceptable to continually eat buffalo cheese dip was to sit in front of the TV and act interested.  I survived by making fun of celebrities and their outfits, all the while hoping someone would embarrass themselves. 

The night was a success as Meryl Streep picked her butt in front of millions of people and I swear she sniffed her hand afterward, although this assertion can’t be confirmed on the playback.  Kristin Stewart looked irritable and stoned, which was expected but totally fun to watch.   Jennifer Lawrence also bit it while walking up the steps to accept her award, which made me feel bad for her until I realized it gave me Oscar bingo.

Sorry Jennifer Lawrence.  I didn’t want to point out your fall in this post, but my win entitled me to a coupon for a free taco from Hardee’s, so I was happy you skinned your knee. And don’t worry about it.  No one saw you fall.  TRUST me.

It’s been a week and because I’m super busy and important, I’m just now getting around to writing my blog post about what was worn on Oscar night.  Get off my back.  You know you loved letting the suspense build.  Wait no more!

By now you’ve realized photos of what I wore on Oscar night are missing from all the paparazzi shots in the tabloids.  I know you’ve been dying to know what I wore on Oscar night, and since I don’t want you to stop breathing, I will reveal that information now.  (Seriously.  I need all four of you to stay alive so someone actually reads this blog.)

1.  Pants = Jeans.  Designer = Dressbarn

Yeah, that’s right.  Those jeans are legit and from Dressbarn circa 2009.  You’re probably asking yourself “Dressbarn?  Where’s that?  I bet it’s a totally exclusive shop that’s ridiculously expensive and only celebrities have access to it.”

I can see where you would get that impression, but I’m happy to say it isn’t the case.  Dressbarns are located all over the United States, typically in run down strip malls in dangerous parts of town right next to either a closed Old Country Buffet or a partially burned down Ryan’s Steakhouse.  It’s also the same place you take your grandma to buy her support hose and girdle.  It smells like moth balls and Altoids.  Ringing a bell?  Check out their jeans next time granny needs a support bra.

2.  Top = striped sweater.  Designer = JC Penny

This is because I knew you would
demand an over-the-shoulder shot.
Please note my bodyguard is not amused.

Yes, I sprung big for a name-brand department store for my top.  I knew I would be photographed from head to toe, but I really wanted my sweater to to pop for the cameras.  I think we can agree it did.  We can also agree that I should never wear horizontal stripes again, as it makes my stomach look like it’s filled with a pound of buffalo chicken dip.  Wait…I think it was.

3.  Under the sweater = black tank top.  Designer = Casual Corner

“But Lisa, Casual Corner went out of business in 2003.  How could you possibly wear a Casual Corner piece?”  Um, it’s vintage.  Be jealous.  It looks amazing and you know it.

4.  Hair piece = black piece of elastic.  Designer = Goody

I might be lying about the designer, but it isn’t intentional.  I know Goody is a brand of hair products, but I’m not sure if that’s the designer who made my sweet headband.  What I know for sure is that I found this headband about five minutes before our guests arrived.  It was shoved in the bottom of a basket in our hall closet waiting for a special occasion like the Oscars.  I’m pretty sure I used it to keep the chips bag closed before it landed in the closet.

5.  Jewelry = Pearl Necklace.  Designer = K’s Jewelry

For all you perverts out there, this is an actual pearl necklace.  It was given to me by a high school boyfriend.  I would like to say it’s real, but I suspect it’s fake and the money intended for the purchase of jewelry was squandered away on cheap whiskey and soft core porn.  Either way, I still like the necklace and if I sniff closely, I can smell the faint aroma of Swisher Sweets.

So there you have it!  Wonder no more about what designer clothes I sported on Oscar night.  I suspect there will be a run on all of these items now that I’ve spilled the beans on my outfit selection.  Interestingly, I also literally spilled the beans at our party…which is why that sweet plastic tablecloth is on the serving table in the background.  Hey, at least it’s better than cutting the cheese.

I totally did that too.

What designers were worn on

16 Thoughts on “What designers were worn on Oscar night

  1. Hysterical! You are FUNNY! I likey! I’ll follow!!!

  2. Fun post! Glad I came over! Do you really play Oscar bingo? That would be hilarious. I couldn’t see your photos because I’m on my iPad, but I want to see them, so I’ll come back later when I get your address for my blog roll.

  3. Yep, your hysterical and I am glad to know someone else saw Meryl Streep pick her butt too as the tabloids were hush-hush on it (no messin with the diva). Found you on bloppy bloggers.

    • I also couldn’t believe the tabloids didn’t pick up on the butt picking. It was hilarious, but I guess you’re right…the’s the diva. Although now I’m thinking she’s a mean diva because she always has something stuck up her butt…and now we know that it’s pantyhose.

      I’m glad you found me on bloppy bloggers. I love it!

  4. Love it. Wish I’d seen Meryl pick her butt. Great blog, I’ll be back!

  5. I liked your version of the Oscars so much better and so would have tuned into yours if I could of, lol!! 🙂

  6. Sorry I missed the butt picking-now I’m sad I didn’t watch the Oscars. I also understand I missed a song about boobs. I was probably wearing yoga pants and t-shirt by goodwill but I really don’t remember. I DO remember I was wearing clothes.

    • The song about boobs was hilarious! Sadly, I honestly considered wearing yoga pants and a t-shirt to the party but figured people would frown upon that. They’re just lucky I wore a bra.

  7. Your Oscar party sounded a lot more fun than mine…that’s because I didn’t actually have one, because I live in a house with 4 boys/men (3 of whom I birthed; one I just married) and not one of them was remotely interested in watching. Actually, that’s not true. My husband wanted to see Seth MacFarlane, but he’s fodder for a whole other post I think. And yes, I DID post about how difficult it was to convince any of my boys/men to watch the red carpet with me. Didn’t happen. Maybe next year I’ll just show up at your house.:)

    • Next year just come to my house and we shall mock and make fun of the Oscars together! I will do my best to make you feel at home, cmoplete with farting regularly. I figure with 4 boys/men at home, farts are a staple at your house.

  8. Every time you post I come over to stalk…I always read a few posts and laugh out loud. You need a show. I’d totally watch it, & I hate TV.
    Amy mayen just rambled about…Mustache SkirtMy Profile

    • It’s not stalking if I like it! 🙂

      I love that you read more than one thing and I make you laugh out loud. I can’t tell you how happy that makes me.

      All I want to do is write and give the world a chuckle or two. It actually means the most to me when people I don’t know enjoy my stuff. Then I know they aren’t lying or saying it just so I will loosen the handcuffs I’ve placed around their wrists.

      So please, read and laugh away, and feel free to continue to tell me you enjoy it. A girl can always hear that. 🙂

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