It’s the most wonderful time of the year! That’s right. I’m talking about Girl Scout Cookie season! Isn’t that what Andy Williams was singing about in his beloved tune? If so, that song just became a whole lot more meaningful.
I realize most people refer to this time of year as “Girl Scout Cookie time” but it’s better than that. It’s bigger than that. It’s a whole season of goodness and should be celebrated as such. Don’t worry. I’m starting this trend and it will totally take off, with your help, of course.
Let’s start by referring to it as “GSC season,” not so much because I like acronyms, but because I don’t want to keep typing out those three words. You don’t want to give me carpal tunnel, do you? Great, GSC season it is!
The beginning of GSC season begins with anticipation and salivation. That’s how most people gear up for it, but I like to be prepared. I’m a dedicated GSC season supporter, so I start before others do.
Much like football players, I engage in a rigorous pre-season preparation, although mine doesn’t involve physical activity of any kind. That would not make for an enjoyable time and would defeat the happiness of the GSC season. Rather, I begin pre-season by making a list of Girl Scouts I know.
You need to be prepared and I don’t want to go into the GSC season without a game plan (much like I don’t want to go into Target without a list…or a large credit limit).
The pre-season is crucial as it sets the tone for the next few months. Having a list of known Girl Scouts ensures access to the goods. You wouldn’t go on a road trip without your GPS, right? So why would you go into GSC season without a map of potential sellers and locations? You wouldn’t.
The benefit of the pre-season list is you can scope out which Scouts to hit up for cookies, and you can also determine if they are in the same troupe. Most of the time they aren’t, but if they are, you will need to be aware their orders will merge, and at some point they will see you were patronizing other Scouts.
They will also most likely do the math and realize your order of 36 boxes for a single woman is a bit hefty. However, you’re a charitable person and you support the Girls Scouts and what they do, so you’re happy to order large quantities. You’re a giver that way. You also have a sweet tooth, but whatever.
After cross referencing your list of contacts and ensuring minimal scrutiny for your purchases, you must move on to the budgeting phase. I would recommend not writing this down, as you don’t want your husband or significant other to see just how much money you’re budgeting for cookies. Don’t get me wrong; they’re worth it, but seeing the numbers on paper makes it a little more depressing, and you don’t want to be depressed around the Girl Scouts. You can set a better example than that.
*Note: If you can’t do the math in your head (who can?), then you have my permission to jot down potential totals of various orders and plot out your budget. However, immediately after the budget is completed, the paper must be cleansed with truffle oil and thrown into the incinerator to destroy the evidence.
After you’ve secured your budget, you’re ready to proceed full-force into the GSC season. Since you already know your contacts for the goodies, (and you’ve synced your calendar with theirs to ensure availability for sales calls), you can begin the ordering process.
A few words of caution: STAY STRONG. Yes, the Thin Mints melt in your mouth, and yes, the Tagalogs are a burst of goodness with every bite, but you have to exercise restraint. You have several Girl Scouts to patronize, and you don’t want to buy your entire stash from one Scout. That wouldn’t best support the cause. (The cause is cookies, right?)
After the various orders are placed comes the worst part of the season: the waiting. It’s excruciating, especially since you’ve already been teased by the order form. However, focus on the prize, which is an entire shipment of Girl Scout Cookies. It’s worth the wait.
When the much awaited due date arrives, don’t get too anxious. Must like the due date for pregnant women, it’s a guideline but not a date set in stone (although it should be). It would be ideal for the due date and delivery date to be the same, but rarely does such a phenomenon occur. However, the day after the due date, if you still don’t have your orders, you have my permission to contact each seller and demand tender immediately.
Gently take the boxes from each Scout, using caution not to drop them. A shattered Girl Scout cookie is a travesty and completely avoidable if proper precautions are met. Once you are safely out of viewing of others, feel free to tear into the boxes of cookies, sampling one from each box to ensure quality control. You don’t want the Scouts putting out a bad product, and it’s up to
you to keep up the high standards of the Samoa.
Once you receive the coveted goodies, resist the temptation to tear into the boxes upon receipt. You’re classier than that, and you have to set a good example to the Scouts, who look to you for guidance. They also look to you for payment, so don’t forget your checkbook.
After you’ve gorged yourself and finished off a few boxes, sit back and use your chocolate-stained hand to give yourself a pat on the back. You did a good thing by participating in GSC season and helping charity. You also gave some young girls a chance at a better life, and isn’t that what GSC season is about? (It’s about Thin Mints too, but the point still stands.)
So enjoy this GSC season and do your best to spread the word about this delightful and delicious holiday. However, don’t be compelled to share the cookies. You’re not that charitable.