My husband is definitely the better looking of the two of us. He has eyelashes that go on for days and adorable dimples when he smiles. (I also have dimples, but mine are not on my face, nor are they adorable.)
He is definitely “the pretty” in our relationship, and I’m grateful for that. I’m sure no one would take us seriously as a couple if we both wore mismatched clothing and shirts adorned with soy sauce. (Our washing machine probably couldn’t take that either.)
Recently, I realized that my husband truly is the perfect lawyer’s wife. So I’ve compiled a list of reasons why. Obviously I have too much time on my hands (and soy sauce. Why do I have soy sauce on my hands?)
1. He works out all the time
It’s ridiculous the amount of times in a week that guy goes to the gym. And by “ridiculous,” I mean “annoying.” Every time I turn around, he is going to the gym for what he describes as a quick workout. My idea of a quick workout is walking inside to the fast food restaurant instead of going through the drive thru.
Not my guy. He pounds out a couple miles on the treadmill and then lifts some weights and does ab work. He’s obviously an overachiever and if he didn’t look so cute in his gym shorts, I would probably be more annoyed with him.
2. He fits into tiny little t-shirts and fills them out nicely
This is probably a product of him going to the gym so regularly, although I refuse to admit that going to the gym has perks other than having an excuse to use BenGay. (That stuff feels magical!) My husband can definitely fill out a baby tee and do it well.
His little Childish Gambino t-shirts look good clinging to his chest, hugging his curves and showing off his pecs. Granted, he can’t flex his pec muscles individually, but he’s pretty, so he doesn’t have to be talented too.
3. He enjoys the finer things in life
When I first met my husband, he had feet in need of a pedicure and a back in need of a massage. (He also had the wardrobe of a 15 year old boy, but we quickly fixed that, although he still has 2 annoying pair of Chuck Taylors that I want to throw into the river.) Before me, he never experienced the happiness that comes from a day of pampering at the spa.
Now, he’s no stranger to a massage and a dip in the therapeutic reflection pool (which is just a pool surrounded by rocks that most likely is still filled with urine. But apparently calling it a “reflection pool” allows the spa to jack up the price. Maybe I will start calling my toilet a “reflection toilet” and charge my guests to use it).
4. He looks good on my arm
We compliment each other well in the looks department. (Believe me, this is the only complimenting we do of each other. We like to joke around a lot and I’m sure our neighbors think we are in an abusive relationship based upon the number of times I tell him that I’m sick of his face). So maybe we don’t verbally compliment each other like we should, but aesthetically, we do.
He really holds all the looks in the relationship, but isn’t that how a trophy wife is supposed to be? I think we look like a perfect 10. Seriously…we physically look like the number 10. He is the tall and skinny number one and I’m the short and fat number zero. (Is zero a number?) But for some reason, it works.
5. He keeps a tidy house
That guy is relentless with the tidiness. Every time I turn around he’s moved something, even if it’s just a quarter of an inch to the right. He says he moves it because “that’s where it goes.” I’ve often thought of trying to shove my foot in his ass and telling him I can’t apologize “because that’s where it goes.” Something tells me that wouldn’t go over so well.
Although his constant removal of my water glass to the kitchen gets annoying (especially because we both know it isn’t really filled with water, but another fine clear substance), I do like the fact that our house is always clean. I just wish he would spread cleanliness to my car. Now there’s a project.
So I guess those are all the reasons I can think of as to why my husband is the perfect lawyer’s wife. No matter the reasons, I think I will hold on to him for a while…at least until a newer model comes out. But then again, the newer model probably won’t put up with my numerous falls and medical ailments. Maybe my husband isn’t so bad after all. Just don’t tell him. I don’t want him getting the wrong idea.