I’m an addict. A full blown addict. My drug of choice? Well, okay, that’s a loaded question. My drug(s) of choice include vodka, Chipotle, and anything covered in ranch dressing. But for my non-food/drink addiction, I’ve become completely obsessed with coupons and online shopping.
I can’t get enough. I’m a junkie and nothing makes me feel more alive than a coupon for free shipping.
How did I get this way? I blame this addiction on my friend, The Nanny (not her real name). She’s a total pusher. She’s definitely one of those “just try it and see how you like it” kind of people (which is exactly the suggestion that got me a year’s subscription of Cinemax, and a husband who is all of a sudden interested in TV).
Basically, you set up a free account and whenever you want to buy something on line, you go to Ebates first, they give you a tracking number, and then you get a percentage of the money you spent back through Ebates. I had no idea buying toilet paper could be so fun!
And now that I’ve had a taste of the good stuff (which in my world is an extra 30% off everything at Kohl’s), I can’t go back to my life before…my life on the outside…I’m a changed woman. This addiction definitely has a hold on me. In my pre-addiction days, I would simply walk into Target, find what I wanted, make an excuse to swing by the Liz Lange maternity section to check out the dresses, and then check out with my items.
If only life were so simple…Now, in my post addiction days, I go to Ebates, go to a website and then spend the next 20 minutes looking for the best deal. This entails opening at least 15 different windows checking on prices at different locations, and most certainly entails an anxiety attack for which I have to grab some Xanax (for which I’m sure I have a coupon…)
The saga continues and even after I locate the best deal, the adventure isn’t over. Nope. Then I have to google coupon codes to see if I can get anything else taken off my order.
Do I really need 15 gallons of dish soap? Of course not, but it’s cheaper to buy it by the gallon and mama needs free shipping. And now our horizon sparkles with clean dishes that smell like a waterfall.
Aside from saving money (and collecting enough non-perishable items to feed a small village), Internet shopping has other perks as well. Perhaps the biggest perk is shopping in my underwear. Yes, when I shop in stores, I do wear underwear (most of the time).
However, when I do Internet shopping, that might be quite literally all I wear. It’s amazing. There’s nothing more freeing than ordering a bathing suit while wearing nothing more than my birthday suit. Seriously. (It makes you wonder what I wear when I type these blogs, doesn’t it?)
And another perk? I don’t have to take my new purchases to my car where I will then spend the next 10 minutes figuring out where to put my new treasures. Most of the time when I shop, my packages get thrown somewhere and end up getting lost in the abyss otherwise known as my trunk…or my backseat..or the passenger seat…or under my seat.
(Don’t tell my librarian about that spot under my seat. She still gives me the stink eye whenever I come into the library and I swear she knows I lost that book on CD under my seat.)
Yet another perk? Not having to deal with the judging glances and stares of the store clerks who think it’s ridiculous to purchase liquor in bulk. (On a totally unrelated note, the Post Office won’t deliver five gallons of Grey Goose to a personal residence. Obviously they don’t know a good deal when they see one).
I always seem to have poor luck with store clerks, as they either think I’m crazy, or they feel as if I’m the one they are supposed to tell their darkest secrets to. Maybe my face looks welcoming, or maybe they figure I look disheveled enough that no one would believe me if I told their secrets anyway. Whatever the reason, I usually leave a store with a hand full of groceries and a head full of secrets (and a belly full of free samples. Duh.)
My Internet shopping also helps local commerce. I’m doing my part to keep Mailman Ricardo working delivering those packages, all the while nearly exposing his own package in those short shorts of his. Isn’t it great that I’m helping keep the Post Office running?
If you are considering getting into Internet shopping and coupons, I would definitely tell you to give it a try. If this post and all my amazing reasons hasn’t convinced you, I will send my friend The Nanny over to encourage you to try it…just once…just to see if you like it.