jail cell

I was recently home with the flu for several days. and it was less than exciting. My frequent trips to the bathroom confused my dogs and reminded me I really need to clean my baseboards (or get a maid).

I will spare you the details, but let’s just say if I kept this up much longer, I could actually fit into a smaller size of those Pajama Jeans

Because I was unable to leave my house, I was glued to the TV in an effort to keep my mind off something other than when the next dose of Pepto was due.   Fortunately, I found a marathon of To Catch a Predator on MSNBC and tuned in.

For those of you not familiar with the program, I pity you, as it’s truly one of the most amazing programs on television (sorry The Bachelor, you’re a close second).

The show involves a rented house where pedophiles come to meet the “teenager” they’ve been chatting with online. Of course, the teenager is a creepy woman in her 30s whose voice sounds like a prepubescent boy.

This chick could use a trip to the salon and a lesson in dental hygiene.

I’m just glad the show doesn’t focus on her, as not as many people would tune in each week…of that I am certain.Getting back on topic…these creepsters believe they are meeting the child they’ve been chatting with, but instead, are greeted by Chris Hanson, the host of the show.  Chris then proceeds to ask them a series of ridiculous questions that are both painful and enjoyable all at the same time. (Kind of like watching an episode of Glee.)

The result is pure gold, aside from the fact these men are creepy and disgusting, and none of them understands how to properly wear a pair of pants. (Would it kill these guys to wear a belt?)

I personally love to watch Chris Hanson during the interview portion of the program. It’s not just because he is far more attractive than the disgusting, sweaty pedophiles with the molestache that grace this show, but also because he gets overly excited when he reveals himself to the men.

Ooops. Allow me to rephrase. I realize that in this context, “reveal himself” can have a different meaning. I mean that I love it when he identifies himself as the host of the show, and tells the people they are on TV.

Apparently these men chat online with who they believe are underage boys and girls.  Yes, you read that right, they are chatting online…in 2012.  I know.  It’s such a cliche. I didn’t even know chat rooms still existed.  I thought they died out with the free AOL CDs and P. Diddy’s music career.

Apparently these chat rooms are still around, which blows my mind as I’m not sure how these pedophiles can hold an internet connection to a chat room.  I’m sure these predators are using dial-up to chat in their mom’s basement surrounded by cat feces and the heads of Barbie dolls.

arrest.jpg

The best part about this show (aside from trying to guess how Chris Hanson hides his erection during each “big reveal”), is listening to the various excuses the men give for why they are at the house.

No.  I take that back.  That’s not the best part of the show.  The best part is when these d-bags get arrested on the front lawn.  They don’t just get taken down nicely in a simple arrest.  They are under siege the moment they walk out the door.

Frequently, there is a policeman in camouflage dressed like shrubbery who comes out of nowhere to tackle these idiots to the ground.  It’s priceless.  It’s such a rush to watch a bush on the lawn come to life and take down a pedophile in the middle of the day.

Nothing says justice like being attacked by an azalea bush.  I have no doubt the cops could easily take the men into custody without incident, but where’s the fun in that?

Overall, this show is a beacon of hope for me whenever I have the flu.  It provides endless hours of entertainment and almost makes me wish for the stomach flu so I have an excuse to watch it again.  Come to think of it, I think I feel some aches and pains coming on now…where’s the remote?

2 Thoughts on ““To Catch a Predator?” More like "To Catch an Idiot"

  1. Anonymous on June 6, 2012 at 12:18 pm said:

    “Molestache” – I LOVE IT! How have I never heard that before? – Shannon

  2. Pingback: “Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer” A Song of Murder, Alcoholism, Pill Addiction and Hope For The Holidays - What The Flicka?

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