***If you have young children who wake you up early in the morning, you may want to reconsider reading this post.***
My husband likes to sleep. No. Strike that. He loves to sleep. It’s his favorite thing to do in the world (aside from mocking my British accent. Bugga!). He takes his sleep very seriously, and treats it like a job. Any employer would be lucky to have such a dedicated employee so willing to do the job regardless of scenario.
Nice sunny day? He’d prefer to nap. Cinco de Mayo? Um, not if there’s a comfy bed where he could take a siesta. If sleeping were an Olympic event, he’d be the Michael Phelps of it (only without the jacked up teeth and the pot smoking).
So when Matt says he wants to sleep in, I know he’s serious. Friday night he told me he wanted to sleep in on Saturday and he wasn’t going to set an alarm. This was a change from his normal routine of getting up early on Saturday morning to hit the gym. He’s such an obnoxious over achiever.
Naturally, I had no objection to him skipping the gym, as his frequent appearances at the gym make me feel bad about my lack of commitment to working out. Not bad enough to make me go to workout, but still….
Since I’m an amazing wife who supports her man, I agreed to sleep in on Saturday and see where the morning took us. It took us to sleep, which was fine with me. We woke up about 9:30 a.m. to the sound of rain hitting our window.
He immediately rejected my suggestion for “Gossip Girl” or “America’s Next Top Model.” He said he wanted to watch something that didn’t make him dumber. Since his recent purchase of text books as recreational reading, he’s become quite the brainiac. We agreed on The Big Bang Theory.
It filled his requirement that the show be somewhat intelligent, and it filled my requirement to watch a show where I feel superior to the female lead. (This is why I’m such a fan of America’s Next Top Model. I’m confident I have more intelligence in my left breast than Tyra does in her whole head…although that girl sure can “smize.”)
We watched a couple episodes on our DVR, turning up the volume regularly to overshadow our grumbling stomachs. We agreed it was time to get breakfast. So around 10:30 a.m. we headed out the door to grab something to eat.
I was feeling especially motivated, so I put on a bra, although I didn’t bother to run a brush through my hair. I wasn’t that motivated…
We headed to our favorite breakfast spot. It’s a nice little establishment on the corner down the street where the locals regularly stop in for a quick bite to eat and a restroom break. The staff is friendly and the floor is always clean. The Quick Trip.
Their donuts are amazing. Since we wanted to have a lazy day and needed to tire out our dogs to accomplish this task, we took all three of them in the car with us to the store. We knew we couldn’t walk them in the rain, so we figured the next best thing was throwing them in the back of Matt’s Saturn for a spin around the block.
Matt stayed in the car with our canine friends and I headed inside to grab some donuts. When I walked over to the bakery section (situated strategically next to the Pepto Bismol and the magazine rack), I noticed the selection was quite slim.
Just to clarify, the selection of donuts was quite slim. The selection of magazines with half naked women on them was all stocked up. QT needed to adjust its priorities.
I walked out of the store disappointed, and headed to the car. I told Matt about the lack of supply and he immediately recommended we forge ahead in our quest for fried goodness. I’d never loved him more.
We found ourselves at Dunkin’ Donuts and I went inside to avoid the long line in the drive thru. After waiting behind an extremely hoosier family who seemed overly excited about purchasing donuts called “Munchins,” I placed my order, grabbed the fatty treats, and headed back to the car.
We arrived home and headed straight to the bedroom to eat our breakfast in bed while being entertained by the nerds on Big Bang. We scarfed down our food and settled back to watch another episode.
By this time it was around 11:15 and our bellies were full and our eyelids heavy. We agreed we needed to do what anyone else would have done in our situation. We turned off the TV and took a nap.
We awoke at 1:30, fully refreshed and ready to take on the day. Since we ingested about a million calories in a 90 second time frame and followed it up with a 2 hour power nap, we figured we should hit up the gym, at least for a bit. After a sub par workout, we grabbed some lunch and headed back home.
I was exhausted and figured the best way to handle my exhaustion was to get a manicure and pedicure.
After all, I needed to relax. I headed to the salon, thinking about what colors of polish I would choose, and what rude comments the workers would make about my chipped nails.
I also thought about what I would do after my pampering and realized there was only one logical thing to do afterwards; go tanning so I could take a nap.
To be continued…