I hate cliches, which is interesting considering I’m sure I fit perfectly into a cliche somewhere. Unless a cliche is small like an airplane seat. Then I definitely don’t fit into one of those comfortably.
Why do people use cliches and what do they mean? No worries, this isn’t going to be a philosophical post (whew!).
I just got to thinking about some of the common cliches I know and when I stopped to think about them, they made no sense; just like George W. and his attempt at cliches, which is ironic “You can’t fool a fool man” now can you?.
“The road to hell is paved with good intentions”
I assumed it would be a dusty path with fire breathing dragons, people wearing Teva sandals, and the musical stylings of Mariah Carey blaring in the background. Get over yourself. You’re not that attractive.
And who cares what it’s paved with? I’m sure that someone going to hell would probably just be glad the road is paved and not filled with broken beer bottles and vomit. Ahh…college was fun, wasn’t it?
And how does someone know about the road to hell? Did they come back from hell to tell us about it? If so, my guess is that person is Kate Gosseln. I don’t trust anyone with a hair style that could double as an assault weapon.
I’m pretty sure if someone went to hell and came back, I wouldn’t believe what they said about the road there and back. Um, they’re liars. One of the many reasons they went to hell….
“A penny for your thoughts”
I write a free blog that my mom and her 2 retired friends read, and so far all I’ve gotten in return is a birthday card and an uneven knitted sweater with one really long sleeve.
I want a penny for my thoughts, because I have a lot of thoughts, and that new cappuccino machine isn’t going to buy itself.
So if someone is giving out a penny for thoughts, send them my way, because I have a lot of things to say, and that cliche says nothing about if the thoughts need to be good…or logical….or politically correct. Cha-ching!
“You catch more flies with honey than vinegar”
Why would I want to catch flies? Seriously. Why?
Unless I’m Pig Pen or Mr. Miyagi from The Karate Kid, I’m pretty sure I don’t want anything to do with flies. So I will be sure to keep that bottle of vinegar close and put the honey away for another day.
Who am I kidding? Give me that honey. I’ll put it on my toast.
And how do we know this? Have there been scientific studies to support this? And if so, why is the government spending our money on studies to figure out how to catch flies most effectively?
Give me a little more on my tax return and cease the study of the flies and honey.
And seriously, pass the honey. I want to dip my chips in it.
“You can’t have your cake and eat it too”
Wanna bet? I have my cake and eat it all the time. Sometimes numerous pieces in one sitting. Check out my large ass for evidence of this feat.
I had no idea this was such an impossible task. I’ve been having cake and eating it for years without any difficulty.
And why in the world would I want to have cake and not eat it? What’s the point in that? To be honest, if I can’t eat cake, I don’t want to have it in my possession; torturing me with its icing and sugar filled goodness.
So unless someone knows something I don’t, you absolutely can have your cake and eat it too.
Of course, you can’t have my cake. I will cut you if you try to take it.
Perhaps the saying should be “You can’t have your cake and sit and stare at it without eating it.” Now that’s an impossible feat.
“It’s just like riding a bike”
Can someone tell me what those other things are so I don’t do them? I don’t want to feel my thighs burn and heart beat out of my chest. That’s what my trainer does to me, and that’s bad enough.
And what kind of bike is it? A 10 speed or one of those Barbie bikes with plastic wheels and handles with the tassels. I might be happier with the tassel bike, assuming it had training wheels and someone pushing me from behind.
Why would I engage in tasks that require physical activity? I hate to work out.
I won’t even drive to the pizza place for dinner. I make them come to me because I don’t want to engage in actual work. And a bike seat isn’t pleasant.
I’ve had a banana seat ride up my ass one too many times while I pedal down the street, and it’s not something I’m interested in repeating.
Buy me a drink first.
“What goes around comes around”
Or what if it’s Justin Timberlake without his shirt on? I would definitely Cry Me a River if I saw that in person. Right?!
If so, then I absolutely want it to come around. I will sit back and wait for it. But if you’re talking about sluts or Lindsay Lohan, I’ll pass. I realize the words “Slut” and “Lindsay Lohan” are interchangeable, but I used them here for irony.
So there you have it; my confusion over some commonly used cliches. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go stand the heat in the kitchen and stare at the forest for the trees.