It’s Thanksgiving, my favorite holiday of the year! What other holiday focuses completely on over-eating, drinking heavily, and then repeating the process?
Okay, maybe I just described a normal Tuesday night at my house, but whatever. On Thanksgiving I don’t have to hide the fact that I ate an entire box of 100 calorie Hostess packs.
I love Thanksgiving, not only because it encourages us to stuff our faces and then nap, but also because it reminds us to be thankful for things in our lives. So I decided to make a list of some of the things I’m thankful for.
Isn’t that what this holiday is about? Well, that, and drinking heavily to to numb the pain of listening to Aunt Edna talk about her colonoscopy for the 5th time, but you get the point.
I also wanted to make a list of things I’m thankful for to counter-balance the recent posts I’ve made complaining about things. I shall hold off on Occupy my Couch Round 3 for today.
Starbucks has a drive thru
There may or may not also be random Fiber One bar wrappers in my car as well, but don’t judge. I like to be regular.
I hit up this joyous place nearly every day, and they take a significant portion of my salary each and every year. That’s okay, as long as they make with the pumpkin spice latte.
So I’m thankful they’ve finally decided to start putting drive thrus in the Starbucks locations.
Whew! I can’t be expected to actually get out of my car and walk inside to order my 500 calorie drink, heavy on the whip.
That’s ridiculous! And since I’m very important, I don’t have time to park, get out of my car, and walk into the store only to be exposed to blaring tunes of Michael Buble.
I can just sit in my car and rock out to him. That doesn’t require any physical activity.
So I’m thankful that Starbucks continues to not only contribute to my broke bank account, it also continues to contribute to my expanding waist line and my dedication to a lack of exercise. Cheers!
The house next door to us is vacant
Rather, I’m thankful the next door house is vacant because I don’t like to get fully clothed to let the dogs in and out for their potty breaks.
That’s a lot of work, and as you discovered from the segment above, I’m extremely lazy.
When there was someone living in the house next door, I would have to throw on a robe (or pants) when I let the dogs out.
Now that it’s vacant, I don’t have to be bothered with fully clothing myself just to let my dogs do their business on the oak tree.
I hope that house always remains vacant, because I can’t be bothered to fully clothe myself whenever my dogs need to pee, but I also don’t want to be arrested for indecent exposure (again).
Someone invented DVR
I’m far too important to be bothered with commercials. Don’t the networks know I have better things to do than watch Wilford Brimley warn of the dangers of diabetes?
I always find it humorous that I watch these commercials with some sort of sugary treat in hand.
When I sit down to a good episode of Gossip Girl or America’s Next Top Model, I can’t be bothered with commercials reminding me I need to clean my house or call my mother.
I want to know why Chuck Bass is acting strange. Get on with it!
Fortunately, DVR allows me to fast forward these annoying interruptions so I can get back to making fun of Tyra Banks and her over-dramatic diatribes and her over-active behind.
But sometimes I just want to sit down and relax, and not be bothered by barking dogs and a nagging husband.
The bones fix one of those two problems.
I realize that giving my dogs bones to stop them from being assholes may not be the best way to handle the situation, but it’s the easiest way, and it keeps me from having to do any real work, so I support it.
That way I can get back to eating my brownie and watching reruns of Roseanne without any judgment from the dogs.
And believe me, I get my punishment from giving the dogs bones, as the gas the bones gives our dogs will peel the paint right off your walls, or at least burn your nose hair.
It’s a vicious cycle, but at least this lazy solution ensures my husband will never have nose hair sticking out. It’s a win-win.
Citi Card knows my spending habits
The nice recorded voice asked me to verify some charges, as they didn’t seem like the charges I would regularly make.
I listened in anticipation, ready to mount my revenge on the thugs who obviously stole my number.
She began listing the charges, all of which were my husband’s. However, I appreciate they know that I wouldn’t spend only $14.00 at a pizza joint. They know me better than that.
A girl needs some bread sticks with her pizza! I’m glad Citi Card knows I prefer to charge things at the grocery store, the gas station and the liquor store down the street (usually after 10:00 p.m.)
Obviously a charge to Whole Foods at 8:00 a.m. would draw suspicion.
In all seriousness, I am so thankful for so many amazing people in my life, and I’m also thankful for those of you who read this blog and encourage me to keep writing.
It’s an outlet I truly enjoy and I couldn’t do it if I knew no one was reading it.
So open another can of cranberry sauce, loosen your pants, and enjoy this day. I know I have so many things to be thankful for, and I’m sure you do too! Happy Thanksgiving!